Beautiful_Disaster8806's Xanga

Friday, September 19, 2008

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:14:18 GMT

Money, Money, Money, Money...Munay!

What is going on? Wall Street is crumbling, everyone is p to the oorer, and gas prices: yikes yo! It's called an economic crisis, I suppose. We need crisis counseling. We need $$$$$$$$...$! Here's my solution: let's start charging tourists to breathe our air. Or legalize the ganj and tax it!! Tax it! Maybe I'll share the oil I found in my back yard the other day...maybe.

I've been workin' workin'. Thirty hours a week usually done in 4 days. I can't wait for that first paycheck. I'm gonna get a Chi flat iron. I left my Vidal Sassoon one in Naperville. It was cracked anyway. Then I'm gonna buy tons upon tons of American Apparel stuff. I gotta be head to toe AA for werk! Oh and I want a gun remote control! I need one!

Monday, September 01, 2008

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 06:22:33 GMT

Bitch, I'm First Class...

If I were a section on an airplane, that's what I'd be. Fuckin First class. I'd give you menus with steak and salmon and white wine on it. I'd offer you that latest releases in the cinema world. I'd give you extra, extra leg room. That's just me.

I started at Northeastern last Tuesday...ugh. I don't like it yet. And I say yet because I assume I will one day. I am praying I will one day. So basically I go to class, I adjust my mood to straight up bored, and then I go home. Yuck, yo! I need to turn this place out.

I moved into a bigger room and I love it. It's pink, black and animal print of course, I'll put pics up soon.

These are things that need to be said again:

"Yo!" Cuz I say it and it speaks volumes.

"Illin" how else will you know how I'm chillin'

"Eat my shorts" Because you should.

"Word Up!" That's when you know it'd poppin'

"I'd like to wet my whistle" Sounds so much better than "I'm about to get wasted, bitch!"

Still gonna get my piercing...still.

I had the place to myself tonight but everyone got to drunk and it got uuuugly! So I'm turnin' in now.

T.I.A Is Comin' Back With Power Power!

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:50:00 GMT

They Tell Me I am Fame Used to Be

So I am back in Chi-dizzle for good. I left NCC in the dust and I'm never going back. Not bitter anymore, just ready to roll on, ya know? That environment was not made for me. I realize I need to live in a big city of I will die a tragic death. The whole joint was killing my spirit and creativity, and that is probably the biggest crime of all.

So we live by the lake front now! How is it? Mad loud! But it is beautiful and I have already pimped my tiny room out in pink, black, white and animal print. I am mad tacky, right? So..I love it.

The plan is to start at Northeatern Illinois University in the fall. I'm gonna to finish college if it damn near puts me in a stress grave.

Me + Jae in Canada = Coming Soon!

It's time for Fuck Yeayuhs...

!!FUck YEAHyuh!!

New job soon
M.I.A
Lolla (although it's a big money pit)
The Kills
10 songs done and still going
Me and Jae travelin'
Nika's o.k. (nobody spells it like that anymore)
LX
Soli in New York, I'm so proud of her
Parker's new party place
My sister's birrday this Sunday
My mami's birrday yesterday (took her to Leona's)
My tacky room
Feta Cheese
Being back where I am supposed to be

I miss my neffies! I need to see them soon.

Oh, funny story! I puked at Union Station yesterday. I was too hungover to function, so I bought some Jamba and a bottle of water. Sat down in the gorgeous lobby to sip on them, minutes later I had the strong urge to puke so I rushed outside and spewed one good time. Happy Birthday, yo!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 18:41:54 GMT

La Nuit

Okay, first off: I can't do things anymore. I'm ready to quit...for now. I've got a stats project to do and then tomorrow is La Nuit...oh nuit. Friday is the right day.

I'm planning my tattoo. So far it's just a big black star on my hipbone, or tiny four line stars on the inside of my wrists. I'm thinking "Trashion" on the back of my neck or across the top of my back. I'm getting my nose pierced before I turn 20, but finds are low. My trip to Athens will leave me financially drained. Oh well...live today figure out how to get out of it tomorrow.

Finals next week = so not biggity bomb. And you know I'm all about being the biggity bombastic. I'm going to talk myself out of thinking that I'm going to crash and burn at my vocal jury...I will be OK. then I will go home and enjoy Thanksgiving with the fab fam-dizzle.

Note to self:
Never go to Notre Dame for another lame ass party no matter how enticing it sounds. I've got to get the smell of Sbarro's and jungle juice out of my memories. Hopefully JLO or Britney Spears won't try to bottle it because god knows they've bottled other crap.

Something big is happening. It's formulating under the surface and pretty soon it'll errupt and I will know just what to do. I'm ready for the change, the gust of wind. I want to live La Nuit always. I have to admit though that I am really happy with life now. Things may suck balls sometimes, but I can still see the diamond encrusted silver lining. We're moving to the lake front soon. I am beside myself with nice things. I'm gorgeous and the world is too. I'm going to Athens. I love my friends. I know awesome people. I miss you Jaeson.

Final Thought:

I realized today that New York is setting me and my black sisters back 20 years. God help us because nobody else will.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 03:34:53 GMT

"Workin' Up A Black Sweat"

Three classes back to back practically, tutoring, mentoring, GSA meetings, jazz dance class, vocal lessons...Oh my damn! I am workin up a black sweat, and not in a positive way either...Well I guess it is positive but just not dancey or sexual. I am so busy, but I find time for hour long meals and naps, oh and pointless chilling.

I miss Mr. Flask. Flasky McWhiskey

I miss mah baby...but not in a sentimental way. I have dumped the sentimental aspects of my personality out of my life and into a box. This is just experimental, it might last but probably won't. But my fishing pole is never retired.

I love this more than dancing in the rain with my best friend..just for now:

Doin' Time by Sublime
Summertime and the living's easy
And Bradley's on the microphone w/ ras m.g.
All the people in the dance will agree
That we are well qualified to represent the LBC
Me and Louie run to the party
Dance to the rhythm it gets harder
Me and my girl we got this relationship
I love her so bad but she treats me like...
On lock down like a penitentiary
She spreads her lovin' all over
And when she gets home there’s none left for me

Oh take this veil from off my eyes
My burning sun will someday rise
So what am I gonna be doin' for a while
Said I'm gonna play with myself
Show them how we come off the shelf

Evil I've come to tell you that she's evil most definitely
Evil ornery scandalous and evil most definitely
The tension is getting hotter I'd like to hold her head underwater

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 02:53:30 GMT

Obla di Obla da...Life Goes On

I have not died...yet. I just kinda forgot about you. I do that. It's literally the end of my summer. I move into my castle dorm room on Tuesday the fourth, right after Labor Day. I've been learning so much about life and people since I wrote here last. The most important thing for me to remember everyday is that nothing matters but what matters to me. I don't care what this bitch or that bitch is bitchin' about. Alls I know is that that's how the world goes 'round. I probably sound like the most selfish being ever, but you must understand that this applies to everyone.

The Only Things that Matter

Family
True Friends
Music
Knowledge
Helping People
Good Food
Trashion Socialyte
Fashion
Fun Times
Peace in Myself
True Beauty
Faith
Happiness

Not so selfish, huh? A little corny, I admit, but I mean it. Like "Black Cadillacs" I am "done done done with all the fuck fuck fucking around". I am detoxing my life (and when I get up the guts, my body). If you are no good for me, my life, my goals, an what truly matters then I am cutting you loose. I am dropping you like weight. You see I don't have the time, space, nor the resources to keep you around; whether you are a person, a habit, last season's micro mini. I am under construction.

Construction

My my, my friend

Do we know what we really want?

What do we even need?

Too much to fathom

I Know.

And do we actually think

That we will ever be content

Long enough

To Forget.

Never never my friend

For we have construction

To keep us going.

We think that it is

All And

I see no point, my friend.

I see more or less rolled into one.

I feel a downpour.

--Tia Moaton 2006

Summer was a trial. There were ups in downs, ins and outs, side to sides all in the same day sometimes; same hour even. I regret nothing. I look forward to everything. I have learned that things always work out for me and the period of time when I don't know if I'm going to make it out, when I'm worrying myself into painful holes is only making me stronger yet.

Spring is here again...reproductive glands

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 21:00:08 GMT

So, 19 isn't any different than 18 no matter what you think. It just isn't special. But, I will make the absolute most of it, you can bet on that.

I've got really cool friends: that's all I have to say about that.

One thing I'm looking forward too is getting back to Trashion Socialyte this summer, I miss my lifestyle. I've really toned it down for college, but this summer is all about Trashion (and working, I need $$$$).

I am so gonna be famous for be fabulous, you just wait and see!

This Fire Is Outta Control

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 19:34:03 GMT

...And I'm still trying to figure things out.

I want this more than anything, and I don't think that this feeling will change anytime soon. So I swear I'm gonna work on it. I've got a mission...I've got a point to prove. In the end I will come out on top...always.

I turn nineteen in sixteen days. 19. 19. 19.
...Whatever

Modest Mouse
Heart Cooks Brain

Slow walk
Its land mine
Its coal mine
Its a bad thought
On the way to God dont know
My brains the burger and my hearts the coal
Im trying to get my head clear
I push things out through my mouth I get refilled through my ears
Im on my way to God dont know or even care
My brains the weak heart, and my hearts the long stairs
Inland from vancouver shore
The ravens and the seagulls push each other inward and outward
Inward and outward
In this place that I call home
My brains the cliff, and my hearts the bitter buffalo
My hearts the bitter buffalo
We tore one down, and erected another there
The match of the century: absence versus thin air
On the way to God dont know
My brains the burger and my hearts the coal
On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow

"They said, "What do you want?" I said, "Everything: is that too much to ask?"

The Years Go Fast And the Days Go So Slow

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 04:48:02 GMT

A Concise List of What I've Been Doing For the Past 2 Weeks:

Chillin
Eating at resturants
Shopping
Losing brain cells
Flyin
Yeah man
Making Jewelry
Getting Cheated out of $109
Finding out my GPA is Frightfully low
Facebook
Things that I shouldn't be doing
Nothing too productive

The last one is key: "Nothing too productive". I feel like when I look back on this period of my life, I will feel cheated on my own accord. Geez, I'm gonna do something productive tomorrow like clean, or read book or get up anytime before 11AM.

I thought I was gonna die last Monday. I was tripping way too hard. My heart was racing I couldn't think, yet I couldn't not think. I couldn't speak coherently. I couldn't listen to anyone. It felt like my brain was gonna explode. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't sit still but I couln't move too much. I couldn't stand or walk. I ket screaming and laughing and crying, and biting things.

It was fucking awesome! Although, I can't experience that again.

I want to do something great, something good that people will be talking about forever. I want to be extraordinary. I don't want to be forgotten.

I've realized that my biggest fear now is being alone. I hate it. It's really sad actually. I need a boyfriend is what I need.

I need to get m y license (I can't spell that word for the life of me, that was the 4th try, I'm giving up). I wanna drive so bad right now.

I've been experiencing way too many things lately thanks to a new friend of mine. Mad crazy things, you'll never guess. I'll never tell.

I miss my friends from college, now that's where the real fun is. And it's fun I don't have to be ashamed of like stealing shopping carts and keeping it in our room as furniture, or fucking shit up. Or just chillin. Or riding in the PeempMobile. Or whining and complaining about everything. I miss getting kicked outta Kaufman. I miss saying "bitch please" and people understanding why. I miss time machine plans or crazy plans in general. I miss college.

They said, "What do you want?" I said, "Everything, is that too much to ask...I didn't think so.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 05:13:35 GMT

I'm On My Way to I Don't Know or Even Care

I have probably made some not so wise decisions in regaurds to the following things:

my money
my time
my education

So my solution is to try to overcome and over compensate by doing something incredibly fantabulous that it won't matter what I've done. Any ideas?

The holiday season is upon us and it's trying it's hardest to make me hopeful...I might let it work. I love the thought of happy family, happy Christmas. Maybe this year I'll like it even more.

I have been overly disgusted the past few days. So disgusted that I can't even go into detail. It's just that bad. I want to but I can't. I have a feeling that I'll look back at this point of my journey and either feel really terrible or extremely relieved.

I want so much more than I can even imagine...

I feel alienated from my family. I miss them so much sometimes, but when I'm around them I think about getting away from them. I don't think that's healthy. I want them to know that I love them and always will...nothing will ever change that. I only what everything wonderful for them, and the thought of them not having that makes me ill.

I don't want my mistakes to effect me negatively. If only it were possible to make as many mistakes as I wanted and never have to suffer the consequences. I want to walk out into traffic, get hit, and keep going. I wanna forget to blow out the candle and come back to my unscorched home. I want to do what I want, never give a damn, and not have to even think about it. I don't want be questioned. I want to be free.

I miss my beautiful city Chicago...time to go back