breakfast ...2 pieces of white bread
                   pb
                   oj
lunch .........3 pieces of cheese
                   can of tuna
snack ........apple sauce
dinner .......spaghetti w/o meat

i can't wait to fit into a&f again. last year when i was thinner, i finally got to wear abercrombie and it made me so happy. this time, it'll stay that way.

AM work out - morning yoga (30 min)
                        jog (10-15 min)
PM work out - CRUNCH video (30 min)

i started my trim spa pills today. i think i forgot the afternoon one but oh well. i know, i know... it's bad... but i took them last year for 6 months and after i was used to working out and being healthy, i didn't need them anymore so it's not like you get addicted to them... they just help to curb ur appetite in the beginning.

i'm definately getting my period soon. i've been acting like such a short tempered bitch. well, i'm naturally short tempered, but this whole period shit is fucking it all up even worse lol.

so here's what's been going down with me over the past 7 months....
i got heavily into ecstasy. i was coming to school high all the time and got no work done. i ran away for 3 months and dropped out of school. i had major problems with my boyfriend. my dad and brother r skitzophrenic. my mom is... well... i don't even wanna get into that. anyways, i came back home, got a job, enrolled back into school(an alternative program through my high school), and stopped doing e. now, i do it in moderation which is still bad but whatever. but recently, my boyfriend is 400 miles away from me for JOB CORE,  i lost my job of 3 months for going to a memorial party for my friends that died... i've been smoking hella weed which is y i've been so lazy and gained so much weight over the past several months. blah blah blah. that's pretty much the majority of what happened.. minus other stupid bullshit.

the drugs have fucked me up so bad in the head. no wonder y i'm so fucking depressed all the time. alls i think about is dying. how fucking pathetic. only i can help myself.

i'm ready to change.

i've accepted the fact that i fucked up. i've also accepted the fact that weightloss and transitioning into a better person takes time... and lots of it. but of course, i already knew all that. it's just that i really need to start buckling down.

:: deep breath :::    I'm letting it all go. Time for a new and improved ME.

i'm sorry if u comment me and i don't comment back for a while.

breakfast: 2 pieces of wheat bread  160
                peanut butter 190
                apple juice 120
snack: tiger milk energy bar 150
          3 mushrooms 30
lunch: cheese 100
          lettuce 10
          tomato 10
         dressing 200
snack: banana 80
dinner: 2 small baked potatos 160
           cheese 111
           sour cream 60
total: 1,381

i started my homeschool program and my diet today. i got a job at QFC as a courtesy clerk. i'm trying to keep myself busy.

it's been a long time since i've came on here. i dont feel like talking about anything that has gone on with me. i'm trying to forget about it.

hopefully i still have some reader for support cause ur my only hope now

so he was on another website for singles. and i just caught it today. he lied again.

y cant i just break it off with him? i dont trust him. he makes me cry more than anyone ever has.

something is telling me to not give up. i think it's the fact that i dont want to let go of my first love no matter how much pain i go through. i love him more than anything. and it hurts too much to imagine life without him. maybe i'll let it all get past me and make up with him.

but then again im tired of giving him chance after chance.

jack johnson is such an amazing music artist. alls i have to do is listen to a couple songs and i either cry or get uplifted. his lyrics r so perfect and the sound of his voice is amazing. i get lost in his music. his music is the only thing that can help me cope and make me feel better.