Trying New things is hard

Its always hard to try new things.  I tell that to my 8 year old all the time. Im living it more every day.  I find that the older I get the more I hate new things.  I dont hate all new things just new situations.  I think the reason I feel that way is beacause of the people around me in my life.

If you believe the new trend of "the secret" than it is all my own doing that these people are here in my life...so is it or isnt it...and if it is how in the world do I change that and not upset the apple cart of my  8 year old daughter.  To change the people would involve leaving her father because he will not walk away from the toxic people he calls family. 

Toxic people are just that toxic.  They are poison to your sould and they have been to mine.  I allowed it I know that much but I also know that one more time yet again I have taken my life back.  I refuse to allow them to control how I feel or to feel less about myself becuase of them.

They dont have to live our live or with or physical challenges.  They have their own yes but they also have other people paying their bills so much room to speak.  They have always had plenty of room to talk about what others should do and how yet cant correct their own problems in their own lives and I am sick and tired of it and just plain fed up.  I did not move all this way to deal with this kind of aggravation.  I have to stop it now and I am going to.  I just have to figure out how.  I can not afford to make myself sick over this crap and I wont.  I will not spend one more christmas forced to play nice with that sick family I will not spend one more holiday there with that person.

I have had it with all of them.  I want my life back I want to go on and I have to figure out how.  I cant do a job that has to much physical output so that ruled out the nursing thing long ago as soon as I was diagnosed and started getting sick..i need a desk job...its the only thing that helps when the cycles run thier course..

I have to get my life back and get away from these people but how do I do it so that Kristy doesnt get her apple cart upset.  She has friends here she just doesnt want to leave.  She is scared of the change...funny...coming here was supposed to be better...and it was for awhile but not for long...now its all down hill..

i remember...the stories..i will be so happy to have a yard to do work in...i will be happy to have our own house...yah right...didnt know he was going to poison himself with that factory job and make the arthritis take over faster...