BellaBallerina's Xanga

Simple Things

Mon, 12 May 2008 17:59:33 GMT

I miss the time
When things were easy
Simpler and nicer to me
But now things are
Building up and crashing
I wish I was a machine
Unable to feel anything
Anything at all
Because that would
Make it all easier
Much easier

Going crazy here

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:32:06 GMT

I'm stuck here with my thoughts
Wish I could erase them
Leave me alone please
I will only talk
When I want to
Try all you want to get
Me to talk to you
But you will fail
Because I'm on lockdown
I need this time to think
About other things
Distract myself with life
I have enough to think about
Without you on my back
Please shut the fuck up
I don't want to hear it
Stop the dreaming
I will do what I want
I need some time
To get away
Sit in the sunshine
Away from the world
Wish I could get away
From the drama and baggage
Sometimes you need a break
I'm leaving for now
Leaving you
But I will be back
Don't worry about that
I just need time for myself
To reflect and develop
Rush me and I'll leave forever
So please don't push
Because I will jump off
If this pressure builds up more

Giving it all

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:18:24 GMT

Everytime I am down
You come around
And save me
But when its your turn
I try and try but
You resist
If only you knew
How much I really cared
How much I want
To help you
No matter how you
Think you're a burden
I don't mind
I'm here for you
Maybe you are scared
Of being hurt again
But I won't do that
You know me better
But I'm not going to pry
I'll wait here for you
To open up
I'll be here
Hopefully someday
You will be here too

Don't Know

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 01:45:10 GMT

I don't know what to do. With all this stupid drama I'm running away from, it keeps coming back to me. What have I done to deserve this? Usually I'm the one trying to stop the drama from happening and no surprise, I'm in this position again. Argh...

So much stuff to worry about. Class registration. Club events. Other little things. Family issues. I need to relax badly. Good thing formal is coming up, I need to let all this stress out.

Poem time...

This is a fake love we're having
More like unconventional
I need you and you need me
We complete each other
Black and white
Positive and negative
I want it be like this
Forever and ever
Peacefully sitting here
My head on your shoulder
Closing my eyes and sleeping
Away from reality
Because you are there for me
We will make through this together
Sometimes life throws obstacles
In your way to stop you
I jumped over those hurdles
But now I face this one
Old feelings rekindled again
My heart is racing for you
Even though I know the future
Is bleak for our love
Its still nice to dream
I'll keep dreaming
<3

Argh

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 19:31:45 GMT

Sometimes things don't go the way you plan
Or they do and you mess it up
Honestly please don't feel sorry for me
I can deal
You think I'm weak, hiding it all inside
I may be hiding something
But I will survive
There are others out there who need
The kind love you are providing
Don't worry about me
I will be fine
I don't need your pity or charity
I am strong
I will get through this

Eternal True Love

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 18:37:10 GMT

Eternal true love
Is the everlasting goal
Just don't let it go

Something quick and simple. XP
-Cathy

Manga List

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 19:24:33 GMT

Current ones I'm reading...

-Fruits Basket
-Absolute Boyfriend (vol 1)
-Fairycube (vol 1)
-Vampire Knight (vol 1)
-Shugo Chara (vol 2)

Just for my own reference...XP
<3

3 am

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 03:00:03 GMT

Its almost 3AM. I once saw an icon that said...

3AM
We gotta stop meeting this way.
I'd much rather sleep with you.

Yea I think my insomnia is coming back. But its spring break so yea. Hours ago, we had family fly in and visit. They are sleeping over right now so I'm currently kicked out of the living room and forced into the bedroom where I actually have internet. XD Anyway there are two little twin boys out there right now, so cute. ^^ Twins supposedly run in my family sorta. Ahem I was supposed to be but look what happened to that. Tomorrow we're probably gonna go out to eat somewhere. My house is only stocked with good food whenever people are coming over. Other times its barren and my sisters and I are left hungry. haha

On Sunday I have to go to the graveyard to pay respects to the ancestors and stuff again, this time on my mother's side of the family. It involves alot of driving-maybe I can get some bubble tea since we're stopping by Chinatown beforehand. Hope the weather is nice. We pick the worst days to go like when its raining or super windy. Last weekend it was raining while we were trying to the light the incense. Plus the wind didn't help much either. Grr

I don't want to go back to school yet. My brain is just getting adjusted to spring break vacation mode. But at least I will be doing something productive. This week has just been an excuse to be lazy. =/ I gotta stop that because the semester is almost done...almost. Before I know it, summer will be here. (which I wouldn't mind btw) I need the warm weather to cheer me up from all this drama that is happening. It seems to be everywhere, plaguing everyone and its making me paranoid. When given all this free time to think, I tend to overthink certain situations and be stupid. This is why I keep myself busy all the time so I don't have to think about this. I wish things went back to normal. All my friends (from high school and college) are facing so many problems/annoyances/etc. its making me crazy. I don't know if I'm exactly facing any struggles here. Just plain confusion I think. Its alright I'm kinda used to disappointment now. But like I said before, my optimism wins in the end so I have nothing to worry about. The drama usually surrounds me-not directly involving me. I just get stuck in the middle trying to keep the peace. -_-' That is my job in life but somebody has to do it.

Alright I have rambled too much for my own good. It's like 3am now....well it will be in a couple. I should get some sleep and prepare for yet another lazy day. Boo.

Currently missing someone...but yea this person probably forgot about me
/emo thoughts >.<;

-Cathy <3

Simplicity

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 02:36:37 GMT

While others are messed up in their own web of confusion, I'm sitting here in simplicity. I'm thankful for that.
Its always been a seemingly simple situation for me. I try to stay away from all the drama, backstabbing and lies. Its all useless and causes too much pain from the little things that build up. People always wonder why I seem so "happy". Not that I'm always in a good mood but that I seem to avoid those heartbreaking problems. Even though I'm moody, my outlook on life has been positive. Before I remember when I hated the world and everyone in general. But my views are much much more optimistic now. I do believe that every cloud has a silver lining. Of course there are times when I'm feeling crappy but I'm worried about the stupid things that will go away with time. I try not to hold on to the past too much that it hinders my future. I do think its important to keep those memories and good times though. They help you deal with whatever you're going through now. It gives me something nice to look back and laugh about whenever I'm not happy.

All the negative thoughts sometimes makes me act different. I know how I will react when I'm moody about something. I think too much about one thing and it makes me jump to conclusions which is not good. I have a paranoid thought process. But thankfully my optimism wins in the end because my positive energy outweighs the bad. Then I can focus on who/what needs my attention. My worries eventually go away when I realize that I can't control everything-which is what I used to worry alot about.

Sometimes I think I may act too optimistic for my own good...but its in my nature to do so. I hope for things all the time that others may think are ridiculous or silly. I hold high expectations that others may think are impossible and stupid. If I get hurt, I know I will get over it with the support of all the positive things in my life. I'm a strong girl and life can go on.

I hope things stay simple. =]
<3

These moments

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:16:28 GMT

I feel like I'm taffy
Being pulled in all directions
Don't know what to feel
Anymore
Can my world be at peace?
Or will it end in destruction
These moments of laughter
Happiness and love
I hope they last forever
Sitting here with you
My head leaning on your shoulder
Friends all around
Smiling and getting along
I wish it would last
I don't want these fake smiles
Or polite rituals with malice
Hidden underneath
I want all of us together
One big happy family
Sitting under the sun
Having a picnic on the grass
Eating food happily
Running down the hill
All together
Hand in hand