where...

22 days til i move home.. for good. i'm not sure how ready i am to leave baylor and start again back in Cali... i was laying in bed last night thinking about all the memories formed in the last three years and how im not sure im ready to let them go yet...i know that God has something "better" for me in cali... better in God's terms of course. meh. i know moving back is the right thing to do, but i have so many mixed feelings about it. leaving my friends, church, and being even farther away from a man that i just simply adore... so many elusive feelings that i just cant seem to grab a hold... im lacking in self confidence, not knowing where i want to be and who wants me where and most of all if im needed.  California seems to complicate everything...the things that i think mean the most to me.. but what does God's will really mean... being a vessel for Him to use, to put aside my happiness to where you allow God to show you a happiness that has yet to be felt... i battle with this and im not sure where to seek comfort...

I'm feeling better... thanks : ) I cant wait to go home!! errr..  *sigh*  just takes time I guess..

so I'm sitting here eating string cheese and listening to Dashboard... and thought I should write in this darn thing.. last month was kinda crazy.. in a nutshell

- singleness rings once again in my halls

- my dog Vega  of 13 years died

-Eunice's dog Pollo (pronounced Polo... not chicken)  died too.. : (

-had four weeks straight of tests.. I have no idea how that worked?

-went to my first real concert in Dallas.. hah sad huh?

-had the stomach flu

- currently dealing with mild insomnia?? either that or liver cancer... extreme stress?? yah.. some of that.. I don't sleep well at night. : (

-went to six flags over Texas.. the first supposedly?? last weekend for fall break

-realized that if i was gothic and skanky i could work at fright fest and fit right in

-sold sea world tix for 160.. : ) finally

- had fall break.. had fall retreat danced around with a bunch of nerds.. really..

-was told i was mexican, no really.. he really thought i was mexican.. and not chinese.. what is that?

-bought my first poster ever.. Marilyn Monroe.. i don't even like posters.. but this one is a really beautiful one of her... captivates sexy classy.. i guess that's what she is huh? kinda what i strive for?? haha..

-went to the HOT fair and saw josh gracin.. haha he looks like one of my friends.. makes me laugh. jolly young country singer

-got hit on by a drunk guy.. at the fair.. makes me feel really good huh?

- my roommate.. or someone in the group was called Charlie's angel... heh.. that's funny

-wished i had a bar card.. so i could be cool like someone i know... he knows singleness now too..

-we think my roomie has kidney stones.. : ( and liver cancer.. and extreme stress.. i think the cancer is going around the house..

-informed that one of my girls is getting married next year.. oye! crazy..  : D  so happy

-my roommates and i made up a special day... RAD.. (Roommate Awareness Day) where you make your roommate aware .. to the opposite sex.. teehee : D i think its more of a week thing now.. RAW : ) i have yet been made aware..hopefully.. Praise Jesus

-herm..

yah.. so i dunno seems like the only time i write in this thing is when things are just unsettling.. well i guess that's what you do when your heart isn't sitting in the right set of hands huh? .. it got a lil better at the end huh? i think imma private this one.. or just leave it...you know one of those. where ppl read it and wonder what happen to her.. and then throw me a pitty party.. i like those... go ahead judge me for my one entry.. haha just kidding..

isn't sarcasm GReeeeeeat!?

have a good rest of the week.. i promise ill have better things to say in my next entry.. maybe an up lifter we'll see..

mercy.

Currently Listening On And On By Jack Johnson see related

so another year has started and in the midst of all the havoc of getting back into schedule i've met some pretty awesome ppl.  God has blessed me in so many ways. little innocent rain drops the fall on my heart...  makes me happy... makes me feel understood

so this year has a lot going for it.. and it didn’t really start out that strong.. i know God will change things and move through this campus once everything gets its place... i've been feeling a bit lost, confused, and out of place, I’m not sure if it's the weather... or if it's just me.  I’m waiting for it to rain so i can be away again.  there is something about the rain that just... understands me.  brings me back to the days where rain meant playing inside; forcing my brother to play with me and making up games like try to sneak up on mom without her noticing or balling up socks and each getting a couch as a fort and throwing them at each other.... heh those were the days... things didn't matter so much. and unfortunately, i don’t really think those days will ever come around again.  face it ... were getting older and time just keeps speeding up.... 

I was a bit hopeful today; as i came out of the science building rain clouds were blocking the hot sun.  i waited and looked up  hoping for something... but nothing came down.  It’ll come one of these days i know it... innocent rain drops hitting the warm concrete and producing that smell of… understanding. i cant wait...

ok.. yah it’s been forever, sad how it seems like all my entries start out like that.. anyhow summers going by soo darn fast. i don’t even know what to do with myself... i have one more month and soo much to do. plans and goals that I’ve planned for myself.. and yah heh..lazy.  : ) but anyhow.  soo summer so far in a nut shell...

 been living out with my brother at his new house.. helping out with getting the place cleaned up. 

messin around with his residence friends.. haha all they talk about is doctor stuff.. its kinda funny but yet really sad at the same time.. they can’t step away from it..personally I don’t really like that.. I hope my husbands not like that.. always talks about work.. and never can step away from it.. shoot I dunno  but its cool.. they’re a lot older so its fun.. a more "mature" crowd... haha

chased down a baby bunny and named him benji : ) he was soo soft and little but now residing in my back yard... unless the neighbors cats have gotten to him.. : T lauren made me let him go...wahh.. haha but yah.. prolly for the better : )

"working" for a therapist in loma linda.. she’s kinda slacking on the work part.. but thats alright learning a lot of stuff from her...

shopping.. yuck.. too muchie.. but got a lot of fun stuff : )

had a lovely break.. : ( two weeks of hell.. but hey i got through it with some lovin heh.. but things between us.. umm : ) friendesq different but I cant complain.. he is still apart of my life which brings happieness in itself.. sigh… cant wait to see him…

got my hair cut : ) its short..er now haha I like it.. a good change.. thinking about going shorter.. what you think?? : D

shoot.. drama all over the place.. that’s one thing i dont like about coming home.. i have sooo much more drama than at school.. tell me why is that?? Herm… but its okie.. it makes us fatties stronger right?? : ) *fatty love*

online class.. a joke i sware, teacher doesn’t get back to me, i have three more days in the class and she still hasn’t gotten back to me.  still have to take my midterm and my final.. what is that?? I dunno issues have no idea what to doo.. sigh..

herm.. there’s more i promise..... haha.. i dunno just been going by so fast.. can’t wait to get back to waco.. well at least the few days before school starts.. : D but yah.. as for the rest of summer.. ill be done with class and who knows what ill be up to.. hopefully going to the beach.. since i haven’t gone yet.. gah haha so sad and its soo close.. whatever.. anyhow maybe next time ill have something more exciting to write.. have a good one : )