Bitter_sanctum's Xanga

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 16:32:33 GMT

I should probably update, but everytime I face this page I become completely blank. I really don't know what I should write because I guess most of my stuff is boring.

Exciting things as of late:
1. started work at a hospital. I've been having a blast with the people who work there and they really seem to appreciate what I've been doing. I mean, it's my job as in, "I got hired to do this stuff" but I've been receiving compliments left to right. I think I appear to be hard working because I'm trying hard not to look like I'll be slow at the job and I won't get the hang of things. I'm slow at doing tasks normally because I'm a perfectionist.

2. I received a scholarship! I've already turned in another one and I'll be turning in another app here in a couple weeks. I was reviewing my financial aid and I was like-what the heck this this thing? So I called the FA office and lo and behold, it's A SCHOLARSHIP!!! Damn! I haven't received one of those since my senior year of high school! I hope I can get the one I just turned in. or at least the another one due in August.

3. My tutoring job is over. I finished the summer off and am sorry to see no more 4 hours a week of getting paid and doing nothing, but at the same time it frees me up a little.

4. I've been hunkering for oatmeal and maple syrup. Delicious and I plan on eating it tonight.

Ok, that's all for now. bye bye!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 21:59:06 GMT

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO crabby. Oy!

Been at orientation since Monday; today was my last day (I have a job as a student nursing assistant in a hospital). They were long, somewhat interesting and somewhat disinteresting sessions. I got along very well with a few people in my orientation group and have a feeling that I may actually build a friendship with one person. The sad part is that I'm located in a different hospital than most of my orientation group and probably won't see very many of them at all later. But it was a good experience, listening to what others had to say. I admit, it was a very intimidating experience for me because as you all know, I experience and repeatedly doubt myself and retain fear. I hope that I really won't be that limited during the first few days of actual work and that just seeing things will help calm me down.

But my butt sure did get sore a couple times, sitting there for nearly 7/8 hours.

I like working. I haven't had a job since I left Btown until January of this year. I started tutoring and helping TA some things, but both of those positions weren't really giving me very many hours or regular hours for that matter. I feel that I'm actually working now because I have shifts and know when and how much I'll be working. The really fantastic part about this position is that I determine my hours. I really appreciate that there is a student focused part of the organization and that it helps to gain experience and capital. Not that I can't mention what organization I'm working at-but I usually prefer not to name things in my blogs. Not that no one can't find out who I am, my goodness I have pictures on here.

So, here I am in a crabby mood. I'm going to go see J tonight and I kinda don't want to. But I know that if I don't, I won't know when the next time I'll be able to see and hang out with him will be.

So, I'm still crabby. I really don't know how to fix it right now.

meh. it'll go away eventually.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sat, 31 May 2008 18:24:22 GMT

It's been forever.

I just updated my LJ, since my friends tend to read that more. Actually, I only have 2 friends on there who read it but whatever.

it's deathly hot in my house, except for the kitchen which has the window AC running. The pink room (where my computer is) and my room are hot. My room has an opened window; the pink room's window was painted last summer and my dad closed it too early. So I can't open the damn thing.

I dunno what to say since B's the only person who ever reads this shizz. Hi B!

aight, peace.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 20:22:32 GMT

holy crap this new stuff is overwhelming.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 19:34:46 GMT

it's been forever.

so, here's an update:

been busy with tests and school. been mostly busy with getting my school application prepared. let's hope I get in for spring!

Also been helping dad finish up with the house (exterior) painting. man that's a pain in the rear. Yesterday I was doing dishes and sneezed. While sneezing, I pulled a back muscle. stupid huh? Well I think i was prone to pulling it anyway from painting the damn house on Sunday. sucks.

btw: my brownies sucked.

Joe's been a delight and we got a package from Carina Round! I'm going to frame the poster he got me and one of the ones that she sent to us. it's beautiful and I nearly peed my pants. She also sent me her 1st CD and autographed it too. OMG.

Delights.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 15:20:09 GMT

I wish there was a large hole that I could jump in and isolate myself from everyone in the world. Well, besides Ducky. He gets to be in the hole with me. Then no worries about school, studying, friends, obligations, etc. Just a hole with a companion next to me. that's it.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 20:53:46 GMT

Ducky and I celebrated 6 months of fun yesterday with dinner at Casa Grille and desert at DeBrand's. AMAZING DELICIOUSNESS!

we traded gifts and we were going to do 1/2 and 1/2: 1/2 yesterday and 1/2 in Chicago. Well he decided at last minute that he was going to give me all my gifts. I got binder clips, fencing body and mask cords, and an autographed poster of Carina Round!!! (there's a long story to that...i don't feel like typing it)

I got him something awesome but I can't write it now in case he read this...which I don't think he does. Anyway, Monday I'm going to buy him an antenna for his car.

I had such a wonderful evening. we concluded it with watching episodes of Top Gear on YouTube and snuggling. aww, so (gaggingly- to some) wonderful eh?

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 21:40:19 GMT

So, I'm a real idiot when it comes to fencing at tournaments.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I feel as if I should go to a psychologist to figure out what's going on with me. But I want to see someone who would know something about sports and what I should do or why I feel like I have no energy when I start to fence for the tournament and not some stupid practice.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I SUCK!

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 22:30:15 GMT

i am SO FRUSTRATED right now. and it's all because I looked at my former team's website.

ARGHHHHH. Who knew that my bitterness over past events would suddenly be raging over me just by looking at a stinking website? fucking facebook. fucking fencing club site. ARGH.

on top of that, I can't reach J right now which I really frustrating me b/c i'm already frustrated. RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

crack on a stick!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 16:53:22 GMT

A securing that assures against the pressures of my mind
Unbreakable barrier of intoxicating warmth
Breathing in the scent of servitude, domination, and innocence
confirms what lies alongside the untamed body.

Fire reborn as liquid escapes from every pore of my skin
Satisfaction nurtured by microscopic ridges
The twin depths of the Tiger Eye is obliteration to my existence
which is content to think of nothing and feel everything.