This is my first collaborative artistic effort with artist Peter Dahl. This flag is atop the Student Union at Kansas University. Pete had driven past the night before, and was struck with an embryonic idea. 

Between us, we braved very cold weather, and this is the first shot on a Canon D 30 with the equivalent of a 160 mm lens. The wind blew mightily, but the flag cooperated for a moment.

It is those moments which count. Brief and fleeting, they comprise my lifetime. I cherish the memories of this evening and the collaborative work that followed. The project was technically challenging, however most rewarding and fulfilling.  I had one of those gloriously meaningful moments which are really important..

There is such a thing as "patriotic overkill", and with my previous blog, "Stay Focused", the statement here is loud and clear: Our flag is about freedom for everyone....everywhere...

We've killed enough.

Staying Focused.  My last blog indicated "challenges" I've placed in my life.  I want to learn. There is so much I don't know-yet.  I used to be very hard on myself about this simple fact.

I have learned--always thru pain, isn't it?--to lay down my club. The Censor lurking in the dark recesses of  my mind holds me back no more. Emerging from deep within my passion and heartfelt longings is the wonderful creative artist I know I am.   All those things I wanted to learn, I am now giving myself permission to learn.  All those wonderful talents and gifts I do have, I'm picking up those tools and brushing them off. I am awakening from what feels like a very long slumber.

The events of September 11, 2001 irrevocably changed me --as did the events of November 2, 2000 when my dear husband of 7 months died of a massive heart attack.  One can never be the same again when these kinds of events occur. What they have taught me is that I AM ALIVE. I must move forward with what I have, grow, and make those changes that make my life better than it was before tragedy struck. Tragedy strikes somewhere every moment of every day. Always has. NOTHING has changed on that topic since mankind arrived here. What matters is ME..what I do...what I say...who I am and the quality of my essence put forth to others.

I was told to look for the gifts when Richard passed. I am so grateful for that thread to sanity. It was the only way I could make sense of this awful thing happening after we had just found eachother. Somehow, by sharing the death and the funeral events along the way, a long-broken relationship with my youngest daughter was healed. I found wonderfully healing spiritual connections thru a desire to overcome pain, and I immersed myself in four different 12 Step Programs. Personal growth. That is the only thing I can do with this kind of pain. Change me from within.

When the events of September 11 happened, I woke up from my grief. I knew to look for the gifts. They are there, but I know now from experience that it takes time to find them. I know to get out of myself,  and do those things from my heart which have a positive effect on other people.  The things I say which are the simple Truths I now understand, the Gifts that life has to offer, the willingness to grow and change any part of me that is negative. I learned to set aside my fear. I learned what Faith really is. I have learned how to share it.

I have taken thousands of photographs since my last blog. Many are quite good. I joined the Lawrence Photo Alliance. I joined the Lawrence Art Guild. I set up a complete photographic studio in my shop. I started designing and making jewelry. I reached within my creative self. I told Fear to go sit in the corner. Not interested in playing with it any more.

I asked for help from a Power greater than me that his/her Divine love and power flow thru me, thru my talents and gifts, and my words and actions. I say these words each day, each time I sit at my bench to work. I ask for blessings upon my creative work.

It has come in ways I could never have imagined.

I learned how to ask for help-and for the I can do it myself, KID...that was a big one to overcome! Check out my website at www.hirdcustomdesign.com and see what Phil and Joe Dynan (www.phildynan.com)  did for me. This site will grow rapidly as I add photographs of my jewelry and art.

Things are better--not perfect. I am taking very good care of my health, hard exercise, good food, good sleep, and a balance of activities each day. My doctor was very surprised to see me considerably more compact than I was a year ago.  After reviewing my blood workup, he told me to keep doing whatever I'm doing because it works.  Those words are music to my ears.

I prefer to stay in the moment...this is all there is. I don't want to miss a thing.  We just don't ever know when it'll be our time to go. Take the risks, do the things, take the chances. Fall in love, paint a picture, take a walk. Right now. It is a glorious day. It'll never be here again. Doing those things helps us when the bad things do happen. None of us are exempt from death. But I do know one thing, everything counts---nothing is insignificant.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend. 

Hope for Stability            ©October2001 Kathy Hird Wright

As a challenge to myself and who I am, I'm doing a bit of "road tripping" right now.  The weather is perfect, the time is right, and the leaves are turning. I've taken 3 journeys since I last wrote.  I'll be off on another one this week, to photograph, bike, and sketch the Flint Hills of Kansas.

It was a mission to see the Peace Arch in St. Louis again. Last time I was there was the winter of '81.  To bravely traverse downtown St. Louis ---alone---was not going to stop me. I did it. ..without a bit of trouble, too. Except that my Olympus E 10 batteries weren't charged up fully the night before. (thank God for backup cameras in the hip pocket) Always learning preparedness!

I was so glad to be there, that had no one else been around, I would have kissed this thing.

Steeled Intimacy             ©October2001 Kathy Hird Wright

Amongst many things, my Dad was a welder. One of the best you'll ever find.  He taught me to weld 35 years ago.  The welds on this structure are a true testament to a group of very talented craftspersons of  the term: "laying a perfect bead". He loved this Arch. He respected the craftsmanship with which it was built. We both loved what it represents...and especially now, I savor its  meaning.

I'm so glad that I simply stopped what I was doing, hopped in my car, bike and all, and just did it!!

It reminds me that there isn't anything I can't do when I put my mind to it. Conscious thought.  I lived a long time in "unconscious reactions" to people, places and things.  I find myself drifting towards that sometimes with mindless activities or conversations or shopping, and I wonder what in the hell I am doing???  It causes me to rein myself up sharply and focus back on the here and now.

What is important NOW...really important right this moment??? going to bed and getting some quality zzzzzzzz time!

Have a great day today!

Stay Focused  on the Good    © 2001 Kathy Hird Wright

I am reminded every day with this big eyeball (that is so powerfully penetrating when hungry).......to stay in the moment. This is all there is. When I lay my head down at night, I have a day full of memories. It is my choice how I have percieved the day.

I used to be easily distracted by all the things I didn't do, have to do, worrying about failure and fear of punishment or retribution. for all that I did not do, and conversely, terrified of the future with an overwhelming sense of dread and hopelessness that I could not do everything that had to be done.  It was not a healthy way to live, and I nearly lost my life for it. I choose not to live that way ever again.  I was raised that way, I married into that way, and stayed there for nearly 28 more years. Why?  I didn't know any better. It just is the way it was. Key operative word being past tense.

It took some very inappropriate actions on my part which were unhealthy manifestations and reactions to very bad situations within my personal life to cause me to say, " No More."   That single action of making a decision FOR ME, changed me forever. It is what saved my life. It returned my Hope that I could live life. It took a very quiet and tiny inner voice in a powerful but gentle nudge which said, "It's time for you to go.....now...it'll be ok, but it's time for you to go....NOW."  and, I did.

Love or Fear. That's it. I'm beginning to see there are a plethora of "either or's".  Man or woman, child or adult, love or fear, child or parent, hungry or full,rich or poor,sane or insane,kind or mean----it is all about choice. MY choice.

What do I think, how do I feel, what do I want. How do I want it NOW...just for this very moment, because this very moment is all that is really important in my life.

Who I became all those years ago was a woman "reacting" to everything around me. I am now learning, by just simply keeping myself focused upon what I am doing right now.....typing this.....that there is enjoyment and satisfaction in being able to look out the window and see my neighbor's dogs (300lbs worth of Labs) sitting on my lounge furniture in the early morning sun. I enjoy hearing my African Grey, Scoutie, sitting behind me on the chair, merrily grinding her beak. And, enjoying the cuppa coffee (3/4 decaf,1/4caf in Starbucks lingo), and knowing that maybe something I write this morning from my heart will be received "out there" and make a difference in another's life.

Especially now, when so many feel there is no hope.  I lived my life with "no hope" for many years. I choose...just for today...just for right now, to gratefully say "Thank You" to a Power greater than myself, for the prosperity and abundance in my life, for all that I have been given, for all that I shall receive today, and for all that is coming my way.

I find it very hard to say "God damn it" when I've just said, "Thank you God" in acknowledgement of something good which just happened to me.  I used to say the former all day long...and all I could do was focus on the bad things that were happening. Now, by mindfully saying "thank you" to each good thing which happens, at the end of the day, I find a whole bushel basket of good things I think about that day. No regret, no remorse, just gratitude.

"Stay Focused on the Good," says Mikey Macaw. He's right.  He knows. As a beloved pet, Mike is intuitively plugged in to the Truth within me. I cannot hide my true feelings from a Parrot. If I am upset, it shows in my hands when I touch him, and in the edge in my voice when I try to speak to him. And, I am told in Parrot language to "clean up YOUR garbage before you even think about touching me. If I am not mindful of that, I will get nipped in short order...and that is a very big beak.

Life is like that. If I don't like getting "nipped" ...all I have to do is go back to my own back yard and my own garbage pail and clean it up.  I don't need to be dumping my garbage onto other people.  Nor, are they welcome to dump their garbage into my can. Emotionally disturbed people who are not willing to help themselves are no longer welcome in my life.

It's all about mindful choices....just for this moment.  How do I want it now?  Have a wonderful day. So, I am going to take my new bike out on the trail and ride today for the first time in 2 years.  (Somehow bike trails magically appeared all over the place...or am I just now seeing a little more clearly the good around me?)

15 acres of rapidly growing grass desperately needing to be mowed beckon me on this brilliant day here in Kansas. My trusty diesel tractor awaits me as does my big Gravely mowing machine. However, I am learning that I can do "some" ...and I don't  hafta do ALL in a day.  What a radical concept! I shall go play BECAUSE it is a brilliant day here in Kansas.

Wishing you peace, love, serenity in a time of terrible fear, uncertainty, chaos, growing hate, and reminding us all that we have choices: Love or Fear. As I see now, looking back over 52.8 years, it's all about my own awareness. I am so grateful to have had the years I've had, and to be who I am today. Not perfect, just growing. Loving you, dear reader, have a wonderful day!

Serenity                ©2001 Kathy Hird Wright

I just spent 3 days on the road, challenging myself to BE who I am,

to (take time for ME)

DO the things I must, so that (taking over 200  pictures in the Flint Hills of Kansas)....

so that

I Have what I want in my life. (feeling of having loved myself enough to go do what I really secretly want to do ---instead of regretfully wishing I would'a, could'a, should'a.  and, most of all, practicing "self-Love" rather than "self hate")

I subscribe to the BE-DO-HAVE theory..rather than the well, if I could just HAVE such and such, then I could DO this'nthat, and then I could BE somebody!

What I want in my life is Serenity. I am getting this, little by little. Like gentle ripples on the pond, Serenity comes and goes, but it is there. I can feel it gliding over my spirit.I welcome it. All I have to do is just be me. And, I'm really enjoying ME, and my time with myself.

Life keeps happening, you know? and...with life, "Shifts happen". This is a bumper sticker which is so appropo. We all have seen this so painfully with Sept. 11, 2001. I was looking forward to Sept. 11 this year.  I was planning to go photograph the sunset. Last year, Richard took the most stunning sunset picture I ever saw--- for me--- and told me proudly, "There's your roses for today, Baby!" We were always giving eachother sunsets for bouquets of roses.   I have good memories about last year at this time.(see my all my photos at www.webshots.com  under BlackKattJag)

Then, the world shifted radically on this new Sept. 11.  I watched the sun set, sadly, and did not take a picture, the shock and horror having left me numb and in shock. I did not want to remember this day, and yet I knew inherently that I must NEVER forget it.

THe realization became clear that in our country, we are not playing Trivial Pursuit Life games any more. I cannot allow complacency in my life.

But, out of this terrible trauma and pain, so familiar to me now from the losses I have now experienced first hand, I am finding within me a new compassion, and a  renewed strength; and a desire to plow forward with vigor and substance with the life gifts I've been given.

This past year, I was told in my own time of loss to "Look for the Gifts". I could not fathom that concept, however I was willing to look each day to try to find them. Miraculously, they were there. The gifts were amazing, and they continue to pour forth. They're still coming.  But, it does not change my loss. I was told that would be the case.

I am a woman with substance. That I do know for sure. And, I do not take it lightly. I am a lucky lady who has truly been blessed to have in my life just a modicum of Serenity. I earned it by living my life each day the very best I could just for that day.

Today is all there is. That is all there ever has been. Right now. This moment. This is all that counts.

Have a good Monday, and plow some new fields in your life.  It's the only way new seeds of hope and change can really take root and grow in our lives. May you be richly blessed.