i just don't understand it this anymore at all. why him. why. i don't understand why do much pain and cancer has to be in such a good person, i don't get it. it just isn't fair. it isn't and for all of this my grandmother is unsteady and my arms are too weak. why him. why. and i'll never know never understand never ----- my greatest prayers go out to my grandfather and to my grandmother. i'll never understand.

and i'd give anything to be as respectful as strong as honorable as my grandfather. i adore every aspect of how he lives his life...and i don't see the justice in such a caring man having such a destructive cancer. long path ahead of us...a long path ...and i'm crying because this is hard and i know of the occcurances to come. and they only come and come as time will kill us all in our own time. our own time we all pass...into something we'll never understand. and so here it is--a bad dream and i woke up with weights on my eyelids and hard rock has taken the place of my heart so here it comes my strength has to kick in soon---and i realized it will never just be a bad dream. this is reality.

throw away everything just to have you healthy again -bondagedeath