BondageDeath's Xanga

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Thu, 04 May 2006 09:51:08 GMT

Finally, the sun is shinning rays on inspirational emotions. Showing it's own way of sighing.

i can finally breath

a change is much needed:xanga.com/radiantwildflower

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 09:44:05 GMT

so all the trees i hide behind can't save me now

i'll run and scream and like always no one hears no one notices nothing changes

i've noticed that all my words are helpless. they dangle out of my mouth and just cause problems. he doesn't care who he affects. his careless heart rummages through what he can say to affect me.

and i'm sorry to say that this will never change. his daily routine this anger my frustration won't ever stop...until it devours me whole. and destroys everyone else in his path. so i'll sit with my anger. take it out on myself. and pray for a new day. where i'm else where smiling and laughing knowing that i'm not part of it and i don't have to be. so 9 year of realizations ...means nothing. just another building year of hatred. soak it up tear yourself down

and i'll keep this world from draggin me down-bondagedeath

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 13:58:07 GMT

i just don't understand it this anymore at all. why him. why. i don't understand why do much pain and cancer has to be in such a good person, i don't get it. it just isn't fair. it isn't and for all of this my grandmother is unsteady and my arms are too weak. why him. why. and i'll never know never understand never ----- my greatest prayers go out to my grandfather and to my grandmother. i'll never understand.

and i'd give anything to be as respectful as strong as honorable as my grandfather. i adore every aspect of how he lives his life...and i don't see the justice in such a caring man having such a destructive cancer. long path ahead of us...a long path ...and i'm crying because this is hard and i know of the occcurances to come. and they only come and come as time will kill us all in our own time. our own time we all pass...into something we'll never understand. and so here it is--a bad dream and i woke up with weights on my eyelids and hard rock has taken the place of my heart so here it comes my strength has to kick in soon---and i realized it will never just be a bad dream. this is reality.

throw away everything just to have you healthy again -bondagedeath

Monday, December 19, 2005

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 09:08:04 GMT

its not the smell in the air. it is the frozen chunks freezing the concrete and erasing the warmth of ankles and wrists. it is knowing how everything will get warm again...waiting.

and i'm not so sure of how it'll end up. will it end up being okay and all the cancer will disappear or will we all drown in occurances

because everyone knows me and knows i'm too weak to lead-bondagedeath

Monday, December 05, 2005

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 14:45:21 GMT

the tear falls over the bridge of her nose and rolls onto her pillow. the hidden streams of heat fall until the night is over. the sun rises and shes off to another day where she doesn't feel. doesn't feel her frozen to the bone fingers, the snow on her face, the pain in her heart. it is just can't be real. i'm not real this isn't real. meaningless. life.

and while he gave me a kiss and told me of the facts that i already know. i felt my heart depress. i felt my heart walk right out the backdoor. he left me with a sense of goodbye, even tho he will never ever say goodbye because that is forever, i felt it. i felt the sickness in his cancer. i found my eyes glued to the floor and the emotions pouring away. i can't picture it. i can't. he has made the greatest impact on my life, how do you just say goodbye and watch as the one male you trust in this world, turn into a grave stone. turn into just a memory. turn into something you never thought would ever ever happen..i don't want him to leave me my grandma my mom my aunts my brothers my cousins-our family...

....." and when i'm gone just carry on don't mourn rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice just know that i'm looking down on you smiling nod feel no pain baby don't feel no pain just smile back".... -eminem

i just can't take it. i just can't ever imagine it. ..."don't leave me here to rot here by myself now"....-u.l. <3 my grandpa <3

so how do you tell someone how important they are when you know their leaving and you know your staying here, to live amongst these surroundings, and he won't be part of it. how do you smile or talk how do you walk and stand how do you know...what to say

Monday, June 20, 2005

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 11:43:20 GMT

it is awefully strange to sit in this completely opposite environment of what i was laying in last summer. the air doesn't smell the same and i don't get that blushing feeling when the windows go down. but i am aware of myself now. i know. i am aware.

it is being locked up inside your own mind for hours-and losing yourself at the very same time-because the music is your soul-you consume yourself into the lightening and keep blank expressions until you begin to feel-feel the wind on your fingertips and the chills rolling down your endless spine-droplets melt your skin and the sky is shaped so beautifully. it isn't just glowing it keeps gluewing and the world is open. it could never shine with such glory and darkness at the same time. we'll just keep thinking that we are perfect and nothing else matters. the window expires into light as the heavy eyes take a rest. and trust me the waking of innocence could never feel this good.

i've got the words but i can't speak we were laughing at the stars while our feet clung tight to the ground.........

we were all still dumb dumb dumber than the dirt dirt dirt on the ground

stars are flipping up their skirts and kissing the sky they are swimming with lightening and eating away at the milky way. the universe is licking up the world as the grass stays still and the trees move restlessly. the people keep screaming. and others await for the emptiness inside us all to take us out. burried beneath where innocence started and experience kills us.

. see what you wanna see you should see it all.....well take what you want from me..you deserve it all.....9 times out of 10 our hearts just get dissolved....well i want a better place or just a better way to fall....

i'm just slowly falling.

don't feel guilty about anything, feel responsible for the results of our friendship heres the clue i mean't nothing to you

-xoxo-bondagedeath

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 12:47:15 GMT

cool shit. haha

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 07:55:49 GMT

someone tell me why i'm so in love with everything today! LOVE LOVE LOVE. nothing could get better. -bondagedeath

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 07:58:15 GMT

i hate being stuck.

xshe tears n tears her hair from rootsx

..come on come on lets just get this over with..

find me a friend. to turn off the static in my head. no one sees this. no one. x i'll empty you out then fill you with me x

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Tue, 22 Jun 2004 14:03:20 GMT

You Are All Fucked And Overrated. I think i'm going to be sick and it is ALL your fault-SliPkNoT (rox fucking rox)

i'm not changed. i'm just opening up. and i'm done with this. -bondagedeath