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BrazyMstrP
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Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 7/17/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Trying to fathom the complexities of life
Expertise: I'm not really good at anything really
Occupation: Other
Industry: Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/18/2002
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| Summer....It is coming to a screeching HALT. Sadly this summer
has gone by in such a breeze I'm in shock. I don't want it to
end, but it must. Things were so much different for me this
year. Finally I turned 21, and yet....it doesn't seem as
significant as I thought it would.
I have been feeling really "emo" lately. Again I feel stagnant,
in need of doing something. My inner fears keep me from moving
though. I feel like I have reached a comfortable point in my
life, but I also feel like that is holding me down. Fears of what
may happen with my friends, my relationships with them. Fears
that I may not be the person who I think I am. I'm not even sure
of that at times. I have so much bottled up inside, so many
secrets, so many joys, and fears that just want to be let out.
Even with my closest friends I have a hard time opening up. I
guess I have a fear that I will not be accepted after I share. My
mom asked me a funny question this morning as I was driving her to
work, "So who's your best friend now?" I didnt know how to
answer. Never in my life have I labled someone my "best
friend" I never had someone that I could just spill my mind to
without frist thinking of the reprocussions that may happen because of
that. I try to share as much as possible with people, but I
always feel so limited.
AHHHH.....I'm feeling so frustrated.
That's it for now. I don't think I can let my self get in any more deep than this.
- Passing Me By | | |
| sometimes life feels utterly confusing and intolerable. I'm not
sure if the present is one of those times. Lately I've been
feeling bummed out. Not really sure what exactly has been
dragging me down, but it has become more and more apparent lately.
I describe this feeling as being "damp". Bottling up the anguish building inside has sprung an internal leak.
I feel like I've been holding on to too many feelings, keeping them
secret that finally I can no longer tolerate it. My facade is
starting to lose its grip, and slowly I am starting to feel the ill
effects of hidden emotion.
Hiding emotion for so long that I cannot tell that of which is real, or
of which is imaginary. Playing scenarios in my mind hoping for
the best, but in reality I know that this can't happen. Hoping
things would finally just simply work out.
Feeling stagnant once again, watching my peers progress in their lives
while I sit on the sidelines. I feel like I need a change once
more, but I am unsure of what is next in the chapter to come. I
feel like I am on the brink of something life changing, but i am unsure
of the outcome of these changes. Where will it put me?
Again I have resorted to xanga to express opinions, feelings,
emotion. Partially I resort to this because I know that this
xanga is a road less travelled by many, I can think of this as my
spot.
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| Freaking tired....
CI was exhausting, but as always.....worth it.
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