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Bride_of_Valentine
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Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 2/27/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Black metal, Goth/Industrial, and Opera Music, Psychopathic records, gothic webzines, music webzines, web comics, foamy, Starbucks, Victorias Secret, lolipops, blood, self mutilation, vampires, the occult, the paranormal, the dead, necrophilia, cemeteries, photagraphy, modeling, fashion, shopping, hair-styling, piercings, tatoos, bondage, the mind of murderers, wrestling, cars, horror movies, comedy movies, people with mental problems and many other odd things
Expertise: Cooking, cleaning, writing poetry, writing in general, drawing, photagraphy, modeling, self-mutilation, hair-styling,make-up, studying other religions and cultures, listening to music, scaring the fuck outta people, being sarcastic, being sweet, being me, necrophilia and many other things.....
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  Play With Knivez
Yahoo:  xxx_wicked_ninja_dead_girl_xxx
Member Since:
9/29/2004
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| I've been back for a while, but I didn't have anything interesting worth saying. I've been alright, but feeling extremely empty and more depressed than usual. It's the holiday season and well, I have a lot of bad Christmas memories of parents fighting and people dying as a little girl), but I'm not going to let that get me down, because now it's time for me to make new memories and just let the pain from the past give me a reason to strive for something good and less painfu --Though what's really funny is that even though I've been in severe depression for a really long time and desprately want to know what it means to be happy, I've somewhat fell in love with the sadness I feel. As strange as it may sound, I guess when you've carries as much pain as I have for as long as I have you begin to love the feeling of misery [lightly smiles]. I'm happy though. Recently I've gotten' close to a great guy, gotten' closer to family members, achieved some things been dying to do (minus losing my virginity), and yesturday I went to Knotts and went on a completely bitchin' rollercoaster called "Boomerang" and some other good rides too. Even though it rained and a lot of rides were closed, and the lines for the rides that were open were way too long to tolorate it was fun, and the reason we went was for my cousin Jenifer's twelvth birthday. So, yeah, I can't and shouldn't complain too much.
Anyways, though I am still going to be posting my thoughts and feelings here I've decided to make a more personal diary type of thing (that will be for only me to read) with mainly more personal thoughts so that when things in my life are completely differen't than how they are now, I can simply look back and read it and remember everything and how I used to be... I read my diary from when I was ten and just busted out laughing and how dramatic I was (and still am). Just the way I obsessed over things and thought I knew everything and how I thought the world was.... I cherish those days. Thinking of things and how they were back then brings a smile to face aswell as a tear from my eye... Hopefully I'll feel the same way about me being this age when I'm older. But yeah, that's about it for that...
Made a new poem also... It's called "Once Upon a Time"
Once upon a time I believed in magic
never even heard the word "tragic"
because I believed everything would be forever fantastic.
Once upon a time there were never memories that made me cry
and even when there were I had someone to whipe them from my eyes
but there was no need because I lived in a world without lies
believing that what mattered were my dreams
as pathetic as it all seems it was all in fairytales that I believed.
Once upon a time I used to believe that love was something perfect and pure
and that if my heart were to break there would be an instant cure
even of who I was.... of that I thought I was so sure.
There was even a time I believed my imprisoned soul would soon be to free to fly
...once upon a time. | | |
| Okay, before I say anything I should probably let you know why I haven't been around for a while... The memory on my computer has been fully used up (due to all the songs I download) and well.... the brain in my computer go ka-boom... so yeah.. I've been using my granfather's computer for a while but only to do homework (I've enjoyed my homework assignements so far).
Anyways...
This thursday I have to turn in some work and get tested. I'm really nervous about this... I'm a complete idiot and I will probably get a shitty grade knowing me... but whatever, if I fail, I'll have time to make up for it seeing as to how I've made up my mind to work really hard and try my hardest... I also need to find a job... seriously... I really need to start making money and being a help, because all I really am on everyone lately is a burden. *sighs* ...whatever...
Today is also my grandmmother and grandfathers anniversery, they've been married for fifty two years. I didn't get them anything because I'm broke... so I'm going to make it up to them by looking for a job, finding one, and using the first bit of money I make to take them to New York..(it may be a late present, but hey, atleast I'm trying.) Tomorrow they're going to Vegas though... (my grandmother is a huge fan of gambling) I hope they have fun, they deserve to. lol, in the mean time I'll be spending the next three or four days with my father and stepmother and my two half siblings who do nothing but scream all day - but that's okay, because me and my step-mom are probably going to go shopping and stuff... (I'm going to get some Nightmare Before Christmas stuff if we do)
I want to go to head bangers ball :(
anyways, thats it... (oh, and yes Ryan... this 'him' guy is umm.... him lol) | | |
| Okay, maybe I should take Joseph's advice and not worry about the school bullshit, because highschool is............highschool and insecure fuckheads will always have shit to say. ...but now I'm worried about him....
I don't know for sure.... but I truly believe I have a bit more than a crush on him... He makes me feel something.. yet at the same time I'm just not sure. I'm so afraid of the chance of losing him...
*sighs* Well, I guess I should start watching the news now... | | |
| I can't exist anymore
till I destroy you
I hate everyone
Don't know what to do
Ingesting flesh and bone
makes me a cannibal
Or am I criminal?
I feel so horrible
Horrible
and everything's horrible
Horrible
Sucking on colorforms
Becoming see through
Still hating everyone
as I detest you
I do not feel wrong
this makes me durable
or am I criminal
I'm so damn horrible
Horrible
and everything is horrible
Horrible
Fade into yesterday
Searching for my youth
Trying to digest it all
Searching for the truth
Self centered devil spawn
This makes me durable
Or am I criminal
I'm fucking horrible
Horrible
Now everything's horrible
Horrible
Horrible
Now everything's horrible
Horrible
Horrible
"Horrible" by Jack off Jill*sighs* Back to a life of worry and nervouseness.... I feel like I'm in a damn soap opera! Haha, yeah, everything goes fine for a while until' I find out that in a few days I'm getting tested for the home-schooling shit (wich is okay...) and I'll be getting home-schooled for five months.... then I have to fucking go to HIGHSCHOOL!!!! *sighs* I can't fucking deal with people, I'm far too anti-social and I'm probably even going to be a few grades behind.... I can't fucking deal with this... and to top it off... since Bush won the election, now I may have to worry about Joseph (guy I'm obviously crazy about) getting drafted and shit within' that time... It may not happen, but still...
*sighs* I hate this... the fucking pressure... worry.... I know I'll be okay, but I just have all this worry and pressure to deal with... It's as if the nightmare's only begun.... | | |
| Rawr! Okay, Fright Fest at knotts rocked, so did Halloween, trick-or-treating is the shit, and I'm craving cupcakes. My creativity is finally comming back to me now that I've somewhat healed from things...
Here's the latest poem I've made... It's about me (obviously)
an angel with black wings is she...
a mystery to most...
like a fairytale book that's impossible to read...
with eyes that see what's invisible to most...
yet conceal what makes her who she is at the most...
all of the pain...
the sorrow..
the love..
and hopes and dreams...
all lie within her...
she's even more mysterious than she seems
I'm gonna' work on making that one better...
hmmm, let's see, what else... came up with a new quote!
"Time will kiss you softly and then rape you with a knife"
Good one eh?
That's it... | | |
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