Currently Listening PCD By The Pussycat Dolls Don't Cha see related

Update....

Ok time for the update -- life up until a few days ago has been really good.  On thursday though everything was flipped upside down...  I got in trouble at work for literally nothing.  My boyfriend broke up with me, which was our anniversary.  I got into a fight with my mom.  So all-in-all a crappy day.  BUT you know what......  what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger.  I will get through this and life will be great.  Actually despite all the shit on thursday I had a great weekend.  I went out with friends and had a blast. I have since found out i lost 5lbs, got a great tan going on, had a blast dancing on saturday night, got into painting. ( I started a great painting and am working on it now) Well thats enough for now.  Talk to you all later. 

-Joshy

What is happiness?
Current mood: frustrated
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Lately, it seems like everyones definition of happiness is different than mine own.  Why is that?  Am I just that weird and that unique that no one has any similarities to my own definition of happiness?  I mean come on, you should be able to see when you are not happy.  I agree that happiness does take some work.  You will never be given that opportunity to just have it or to just be happy.  You have to create your happiness. 

How many times must you travel down the same path before you realize its not leading you anywhere close to happiness, but instead to a blissful ignorance of what happiness could be?  Once... twice... three times mabye?  I myself usually notice around the first time.  If its not working, change things and in this case change direction.  I am not happy with a lot of the current situations and circumstanses I find myself in and around lately.  I am, however, going to change this.  I will not stand around and let people use me, hurt me and take me down any further.  There are some big things that need to change and unless they do so on thier own and soon, I will make the changes myself.  The outcome may not benefit everyone around me if I am forced to make them, but it will benefit me, how I live and where I end up.  I am not out to please everyone else.  I want to be happy and I will not sacrafice my lifes happiness for just anyone or anything.  I'm not saying there are not things out there worth risking it on, but it has to be pretty special and the potenial for great happiness has to be there. 

I know what I want in life to be happy, and I know I will get there. I am making my plans and following through with them.  I know exactly what I want and I know I'm not afraid to work for it.  I will fight for what I want and believe in and I will also fight to keep it.  I will not fight a lost cause or a lost battle though.  I am not stupid (despite what you all may think). 

So life can be confusing, but if you take a step back to ask yourself  "Am I perfectly happy with the way this is?" or "Will this route make me perfectly happy in the end?"  It helps to put things back into perspective.  I hope I dont come off too proud, pompus or rude right now, but I know what I want and what I dont need.  Why cant everyone else figure out what they want and in most cases.... need?

-Josh

Currently Watching Ah! My Goddess - The Movie see related

I have tried many times now in the past week to update my blog.  Everytime I get to this page though I am stumped.  I never know just what I want to write.  I have many many things to say, but do I really want to write them in here?  I dont know if I do or if I should.  There are many personal battles that I have been dealing with lately.  Very personal and I just dont know if I want to share them with the whole world.  I do want you all to know though that I have not dissappeared and I am trying to keep up with you.  I am also trying my best to keep up with all of you on a personal level.  I hope that no one feels left out or forgotten.  I have been so incredibly busy and stressed that when I do find a moment for myself I try to cherish it as much as possible.  I have always seen myself as a bit of a loner, but thats a good thing.  I dont mind it at all.  I have never had so many different connections before and I am not sure how to keep up with you all.  I had always been extremely close with the few people in my social group.  Right now though it seems a bit out of control to me... I know its not, I know that its just new to me and very different.  I am very lucky to have most of you in my life and very fortunate that you are all so kind to me.  SO, this is just my way of saying thanks to all of you that do read this for being there for me.  If you want to know more about whats really going on then just send me an e-mail and I can explain better, or if you know me personally then just ask. ^.^ I hope you all have a great day!!!!

-Josh