Currently Listening Lights and Sounds By Yellowcard Martin Sheen or JFK see related

okay 1st thing..i competely do not understand my parents..more so my mom..she says how good i am...and all that stuff..and then last night when i got home she competely went all off on me 4 like 30 mins..

my moms definition of me: im stupid, irresponsible, and disrespectful...thats a total blow to the heart and head if u ask me..the whole time she was ranting off at me every now and then i would look at her...gosh..she had this look like "i was to kill youuuuu"..and i would also say "okay mom"..there was SOOOO much i could have smarted back to her..but did i no..do i ever talk back to her...no..and yet she calls me disrespectful..?..not sure where she gets that..

i just hate it when she does this..it makes me feel competely useless..like i have no meaning..and that she doesn't even really care about me..she blames me 4 all of her problems...but do i say ne thing to her about it..or get mad at her and blow up in her face..no..i dont say shit...i just sit there and take it...because i thought thats what good kids did...cause i thought thats what i was...i guess all that i really am is just how i came in to the world...a mistake..

i mean...i do everything 4 her..when she feelings like shit after a bad day at work..i am the one fixing supper..and doin the things around the house...when she hurt her knee...who was doin all the shit around the house..while taking care of her..and making sure everything got done..and also being a shoulder for her to cry on...yeah thats right..it was me...not alec..or dad..it was her stupid, irresponsible, disrespectable daughter..

i just dont get it at all..cause when she does blow up at me...when it has nothing 2 do w/ me..she just needs some1 to yell at..and she knows i won't talk back..she does that..then like 20 mins l8er she says shes sorry...do i say "HA..told you so!"..no..i say nicely.."its okay mom.." and i just blow it off like its nothing at all..

i dont understand it..i dont know what i can do more to try and please her..i just..i dont know ne more..

thats it..im done..no more...no more..

until next time my rad xanga readers..l8err

. . have a nice day . .

*BiLLy*

Currently Listening A Fever You Can't Sweat Out By Panic! At the Disco The Only Difference Between Martyrdom & Suicide Is Press Coverage see related

you're such a  s u c k e r  for a sweet talker...

welp..im bored...i have NOTHING 2 do..soo i thought that i would atleast write something on this..not sure what exactly yet...but im sure that i will think of something..

hmm..well this wk at school has been nothing but...drama...drama...and MORE drama..and im not talking about my one-act play stufffff...gah! this wk shows me how much i truly HATE high school..and can't wait 2 graduate...get away from all of that crap...its really sad...stupid..and pathetic..if u ask me that is..

but on another note...we offically today have 1 month until prom..im gettting excited about it..its gonna be great..and i L-O-V-E my dress!! i personally think it might even be 2 pretty for me..but what can i say..im not really that attached 2 my aperance..but oh well..its gonna be radddd!..

things w/ Glen are...great!..i have no complains..i love him soo much..i can't think of how my life would be w/out him..and i dont want 2..it will be 8 months next friday..and im thankful 4 each day that i have w/ him...

ahhhh...OAP...what is there 2 say about that at this moment in time..im just tired of some of the people make excuses...its wayyyy 2 close 2 competetion 4 this 2 be goin on...we perform the monday that we get back from spring break...which is the 20th..like WHOA!...and some people STILL dont know their lines...oh r having some serious trouble w/ them..c'mon people...get ur act 2gether...haha..!..that was kinda funny..lol

hmm...what else..the guys r goin 2 state in b-ball..GOOD LUCK GUYS!!!...take state..haha..spring break is next wk..very glad about that...im in much need of the wk off..other than OAP practice...spending lots and lots of time w/ my Glen!..working on my research & essay 3 4 college english..im gonna do some major sleeping..ohh yeahh!!

welp..i dont really have ne thing else 2 say..think im gonna go write...haven't did that in a while..

until next time me rad xanga readers..l8err

. . have a nice day . .

*BiLLy*

Currently Listening Move Along By The All-American Rejects Dirty Little Secret see related

Until The Day I Die, I'll Spill My Heart For You

like whoa! its almost been 2 months since i have updated this thingy!!..ive been very veryy busy w/ school and now the one-act play practicly owns my life..lol

the Glensters b-day is the 5th...hehe..he'll be 22..but i am doin something special 4 him 2morrow...i think its funny..cause he has no clue what its gonna be..and he HATES that..lol

hmm..what else 2 sayy...the whole "stressed-out thing" is taking over yet again..i went 2 a concert w/ Glen not 2 long ago..and i passed out 4 a few..it was crazy..i hate this..but really what 2 do?..hell if i know..maybe now the rents will listen 2 what i have 2 say and stuff instead of just completely blowing me off..

but i did talk 2 them about the whole writer thing...we have talked it out..and im gonna be a college english professor..that way i make really good money..i get good hours..and that still gives me time 2 write...ahhhh

soo i got my prom dress..its sooo pretty..now all we have 2 do is get Glens tux rented and stuff..cause hes coming w/ me 2 prom..(*every1 says awwww*)..lol..i think that it will be fun fun!..a really awsm memory 2 have w/ him..cause i have never went 2 prom w/ like a b/f..my soph i went w/ a close friend..and last year i took that dude cause he was 1 of my friends..he said he would go..and i needed a date..but this year..this year will be different!

i have been writing again..i dont really have ne thing finshed 2 share yet...but i will soon..and ill try 2 update this back on a regualr basis again..ill TRY!!

i guess thats about it 4 now..

until next time my rad xanga readers..l8er!!

. . have a nice day . .

*BiLLy*

Currently Listening A Fever You Can't Sweat Out By Panic! At the Disco Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off see related

i’m fine, i’m fine these words are all I have to hide behind

well...we are out of school today..and i have had to clean...gah how i hate to clean..which is very odd considering thats all i did this summer...(stupid summer job w/ nana...)..oh well..it was money i guess..any wayy..nothing has really happend to me here l8tly i guess..just the normal...school..chores..homework..test..spending time w/ me wonderful boyfriend..just stuff like that...

tomorrow will be 6 months for Glen and me..whoa..seems like such a really really long time..but to tell you the trutb..i have never been happier..he makes me feel crazy..but sane at the same time..like its okay for me to act like a complete idiot..and its all okay..he doesnt see my imperfections...or all the mistakes i make and have made..all he sees when he looks at me is..me..

before we started dating..i was a horrible mess..i was always depressed..upset..crying.. pushing people away..i was afraid of getting hurt again..i thought that if i didnt let any one in..that i could some how save myself from heartbreak..when..in reality..all i was doing was making things worse for myself..i know that everyone has problems and not everyone is alway happy..but..he doesnt know how much he really did save me..noone had ever really just sat down and let me talk..or be as stuborn as i am and open me up like he did..it seemed like when i would talk with any one else then would just listen to the words...but with him..he listened to my heart..he lets me talk...lets me tell hi, how i feel..instead of telling me how i feel..i know that if we would have never started dating..no telling how i would be right now..

a year ago..i barely ever talked..all i ever did was write...write..write..i saw that as my way of talking..since it seemed like noone would listen to me..i would stay in my room for long periods of time..i would never really go out any where..i would come home and go right to the shower..and just let the water flow over me..to rid me of all the sadness and drama..i just felt..numb i guess you could say..like nothing felt right..then summer came..i hid all of that..started working with my nana during the day..sometimes going out with the few friends i still had or staying at their house..but i still couldn't escape that voided feeling that i had..and then..one sunday afternoon..i got a call..from HIM..which began my new begining..of how i am now..

i still feel broken from time to time..i guess you could say that i will never really be complete again..but what part of me is left..i love Glen with uncondtionally..and when he looks at me..he doesn't see my past...or the broken girl that is left of my former self..all he sees is this perfect girl which he loves and can't live without..

I love you Glen..with all of my heart and much much more..

thats all i have to say..until next time my rad xanga readers..l8err..

. . have a nice day . .

*BiLLy*

Currently Listening I Am the Movie By Motion City Soundtrack a-ok see related

you're a regular decorated   e  m  e  r  g  e  n  c  y

hmm...well i guess that i am starting to become aware of how different i am from some of them people that i am around each and everyday..its crazy how you think that you belong in this one group of people..when in truth..you really have nothing in commonwith them or act any think like them..its really chaotic..but thats high school i guess..i thank God that i only have a few more months of it all..and then i am thru with it..for good..

on the upside: in A&P today we were able to dissect a goat eye..it was really interesting and kewl..it was really funny..our principal was in there evaluating Ms.B..he was getting soo grossed out..it was awsm..haha..

well..my birthday was on the 4th..it was pretty good..i got some clothes..cds...dvds..and Glen came over after he got off from work..it was nice..i loved it..

speaking of Glen...hehe..ahhh i love him soo much! and i hate it when we are apart..gah..it just blows my mind at how much i truly do love him..eveything with us just seems sooo...perfect

A O.K

by Motion City Soundtrack This time I thought I'd listen and the story goes... I am the same without medicine I can't pretend it never ends I’m fine, I’m fine These words are all I have to hide behind So get behind me, you have no right to say.. I shut my mouth and walk away from the memory game So don’t forget, don’t forget I am the reason Long lasting this obsession from sleepless mays to denver cold Somewhere in-between, I threw myself away Someday you’ll understand that everything is A.O.K. I shut my mouth and walk away from the memory game So don’t forget, don’t forget I am the reason It's funny when you say you're A.O.K. I’m fine, I’m fine These words are all I have to hide behind So get behind me, you have no right to say.. I shut my mouth and walk away from the memory game So don’t forget, don’t forget I am the reason Someday you’ll understand that everything is A.O.K.

well thats it for now...until next time my rad xanga readers..l8err

. . have a nice day . .

*BiLLy*