THE APATHY BROUGHT BY SEASONAL PROGRESSIONHi Broken_caGe! It's been 510 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium?
This is by far the longest xanga I have had, and my third. My first was pointless, my second one was compromised and this is my final stand.
It seems that this summer will be my most socially intoxicated one, but at the same time the most socially sober one. I have many people I can call up and hang out with, which is a different scenareo then last year, but this idea of a 24 social hour is compromised by a job. I guess it is give some to recieve some.
My thoughts are all mixed up and as funny as it seems, it feels as if my stress and concern for pointless things has increased since the start of summer. Sure week day hangouts with friends helps num this idea, but I doubt this anxiety will be truely lost any time soon. It feel all too surreal, too fake that the year is over, my classes are done and c-van is about to start. I guess this reality will set in when I am on the bus and not having a care in the world.
I wish I could be happy at the fact that I am happy.
I guess for the first time in half a year the idea of a girlfriend is possible, so I ask myself "Why is this bad" The answer is that it isn't, and that I shouldn't feel so stressed, but I do and I can't help it. I just want the secrecy to stop and for this whole masquary can be dropped, or in other words put the cards on the table and play poker. I know its a crappy metaphor, but bare with. Maybe this time I'll take it like I got a pair, and not hesitate like usual.
"Selfless or Selfish, I do it for tomorrow" | 
