WOW

Wow, I have not written on this thing in a very long time. I dont have a computer at home so I bearly get online anymore, kinda bites, but I realized after not having the computer for so long, it is kinda overrated. Anywho how is everyone doing? Very Well I hope!

I am doing well myself. I have a new dog named Shane and he is a pitbull boxer mix, very cute. We have had him for about three weeks now, and he is a very good dog, he just chews things a lot and now I have to replace some things in the house.

Mara and Travis, my old roomates have moved out of the house and have been out for a little over two weeks now, and a kid I work with named Bryan has moved in in the past three days. I dont think we are going to have any money issues with him because well for one, we are not going to take it again, and he has already given alex and I some money for moving in, he is pretty cool and it is nice to have someone else besides the two of us in the house again lol, no offense to my own boyfriend.

Summer has gone by so fast! I have had a really good summer though, lots of fun, lots of going places, lots of relaxation. I think I finally got the hang of things at work, which is about time. Yup its getting cold outside, and I LOVE IT!!!! I love the fall, because it is the perfect hoodie weather, and Holloween!!!!!!! Alex and I are excited for it cause then we get to site out on our front porch and give candy to the little kids, he said he cant wait to do that this year. OH his birthday is tomarrow!!!!!!!!!! He is going to be 19! I am glad it is his birthday but not at the same time b.c I have no money to get him anything, and he has not gotten anything for his birthday or xmas for the past TWO YEARS because his family is not really what I would like to call...a family. So yea, I cant get him anything, and my grandma was like why dont you make him somthing, but the thing is is that I make the kid everything, I am super creative and make him stuff all the time to show him that I love him and that I am thinking about him, I dont think it would be as special cause I do that for him all the time. I will think of something though.

My Dad had to have surgery cause he was getting really sick and when he went for this check up thing, they found something, he never told me what it was, but they had to remove it. It is so weird to call up my dad and talk to him and he does not feel good. I have never talked to my dad and been worried about him. It makes me sad. I think he is going to be fine, but what makes me think every time that I talk to him is what if he is not going to be fine, it is not like he lives next door, he lives a two day drive away. I hate the thought of me being way out here and him way out there sometimes. I miss my daddy.

My Mom had to go to the emercency room b.c she fell and got a spasmed muscle in her back. She is ok, but she could not drive for a week I think it was, and she finally went back to work today. She is a champ!

Well now that your eyes are going to fall out of your head from reading so much, I got to go. That was basically a little bit of what has been going on with me.

"I cant see myself...I am going crazy."

B BOX

I guess I have not written one of these in a while. So yup, school, as usual is good. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it, but it is no biggy, just work through it day by day. Summer is going to be here soon for us Baker students and I actually dont want it to come yet. Things with moving have not worked out b.c we were unable to get a loan. So it looks like I am moving back home, or staying in Owosso with Mara IF I can get a job here. It will all work out, I hope lol.

The past couple of weeks I have mentally been breaking down, literally. I get upset really fast, and then I am happy the next second. I have been freaking out, literally, and it is just been crazy, I think I am going crazy. I dont know, like right now I am absoulty fine, last night on the other hand I was in tears for a good hour, for no reason. I think I need to go get checked out cause I am snapping at Alex a lot and I dont like it. But at the next second things are just fine. So I think I need to go get checked out for anxiety or bipolar or somthing. Or, I just have to work things out myself. I have been talking, well crying, to God when I talk to him lately and that makes me feel worse but good at the same time cause I should come to him with my problems. It helps a lot to talk to him but when I am not talking to him everything just goes back to the way it was, kinda weird.

So yea that is what is going on. Latley, I have been going home on Wensday after class and comming back on Sunday. I try and make plans with people back home, but nobody seems interested, it shows me how, well, stupid people can be. But oh well, people have lives too and it sucks that they dont want to hang out, or even call me anymore. Oh well, when I get back here to school everyone is excited to see me and I have a lot of fun with people who care. LOL. Its all good.

B BOX

Same old same old is going on here. The only crappy thing is that I have missed two days of class because I feel like crap and I was throwing up last night. Not a good sign for me. I hope whatever it is it goes away soon cause I hate being sick.

I was trying to get a lone last night cause my friends Ash and Kyle got one (they are the couple that Alex and I like to hang out with) and we need one so we tried to get one. No luck. My dad said he would not cosign, which I can understand he has a lot of his plate and he was not a jerk about telling me no, my grandma said no only b.c my mom yelled at her not to, and my mom just yelled no to me, which was really flippen mean. She said it is b.c I dont have a job, what the heck does she think that I am moving to Detroit for, cause it is so easy to find a job. And I have six months after I get out of school to pay it off. She dosent understand that Alex and I need finacial help until we get on our feet, it is only common sense. But Alex is hopefully getting a loan and it looks like I am going to have to live of what he can get till I get a job and we move. Which makes me feel like crap cause he has already spent so much money on me and now he has to take care of me like we are married, and I dont think he should have to. When I ask for help I would expect my mom to understand, but she doesnt, she expects him to take me on as a responsiblity pratically. But oh well, we will be ok. I am going to be getting food stamps soon I hope so that will help.

Alex told me today that he and Kyle were talking and once we get on out feet in Detroit what I suggested to ky and ash was that we all move into together and get a nice apartment. Ky said to alex that he is going to talk ash into it and alex and him plan on getting crotch rockets together, when we are all settled. Pretty cool. We will be able to help meagan for a while, and then when we can get a nice apartment with anthor couple, go to school, have jobs, nice cars, and it will all work out. I am really trusting God to help us not get stuck with this transition and I believe we are going to be fine cause God is on our side. He opened this door for us.

Well that is all I got cause I dont feel good, so yup that is what is up. The summer is going to be here in about 4 weeks for us baker students and that is when I am leaving. Hope some of ya miss me!!!

"Pain is beauty"

B BOX

Things on my end are good. I have been talking to a lot of my old friends from CT on myspace. It is amazing all the things that have changed with them in three years. They look different, going to school, siblings are bigger, sisters married, its crazy. I cant wait to go back now. I was going to go back this summer with alex, we were going to drive there, but my dad is going to colombia and that takes all his days off. So it looks like I will have to see about going next year. If I do it will be two years again since I have seen my dad and his side of the family. I miss them so much.

I dont know if I have told you guys this yet, I think I have but oh well, It looks like I will be moving to Detroit this summer if everything goes as planned. Meagan still has not talked to Mark yet, but I dont think he will object. In a way I dont want to move cause I like the dorms and being close to my family. But I do cause I will feel more "grown up" with having to help with house payments. And finding a job there should not be as hard as it is here. So yea, not too sure about that but we will see. If alex and I dont move to detroit, we might be moving to Indiana. So either way it looks like I will be saying bye and moving a distance away. I will still be attending school, just switching. Let me know if you will miss me lol.

Oh another thing that I found out on myspace is a lindsy from shcool messaged me telling me that she found out she lives not that far away from Tim Russell. How crazy it that. I hope he contacts me, that would be super cool cause I miss the kid.

One of my rooomates that I dont really talked to wanted to talk to me about somthing last night. She is going through a hard time physically and emotionally and she just wanted to let me know, which was cool. What I really loved about her converstaion with me is that she told me that when I first moved in and I told her my belifs on God and how I act about God now she didnt really understand until she got sick. That was amazing to hear her say that she talks to him and now understands why I am in so much love with him. That was truley special I think. To not understand how someone can love God and then realize it after he has been there for her it so awsome.

Life feels like it is moving so fast right now and not at the same time. Like before I know it I will be in detroit, maybe, or somewhere else. having to make payments on a house, going to work and school. it is insane how life changes and what God puts on the plate infront of you. I have been talking to him a lot lately and I feel like he is telling me that I am doing ok. Pretty amazing.

Well got to go!!!Loves!!!

B BOX

oh my goodness!!! Ok most of you have myspace well I am on it too and my friend from back home in conneticut just sent me a message!!!! Its soooo crazy!!! then I went through his friends and seen a whole bunch of the people that I used to hang out with!!! Now I can keep in touch with them!!! I am like so excited right now, you guys have no idea how awsome this is. I miss them all so much, and I never realized how many people I used to hang out with till I started going through the lists and being like hey I used to hang out with that dude, and that chick, and that dude and it just kept going. Huh its amazing what you can forget. My heart is smiling so big right now. cause now when i do go back to ct to visit i for sure can hang out with my old buddies!!! so exciting!!!

Oh yea, had a good time in tenesse. got back two days ago, spent a night at detroit and now i am home till tomarrow. that about sums it up lol.

Peace out...ahhh i cant beleive how happy I am right now!!!

B BOX