Currently Listening Anywhere But Home (w/ bonus DVD) By Evanescence see related

Ehh....so im past my due date by like 4 days. I think next week they are gonna talk to me about inducing. Im upset about that. I wanted my first pregnancy to be at least normal somewhat, but whatever. I just want to hold my baby! .....so yea.

So that apartment thing is gone. It was just a dumb dream. Someone else bought it before we could. Its okay, shit happens, ya know? Maybe well find another one huh? Ha...yea right.

So Matt broke his knee....doing what? Mosh pitting. Great huh? Its okay, im in search of a surgeon for him. Hopefully i find one! It just sucks. Like i said, shit happens. Nothing is ever perfect. People just like to make it seem that way. They shouldnt. Its deciving.

as you know, i cant spell. lol.

Anyways. Im tierd. I want this baby out.

Whatever.

you really jsut have no fucking idea what i go through....you really dont. and its sad, because its really hard to put into words how i actually feel, cause i feel it would only make sense to me and only me. only a couple more days until this baby will come out....im gettin excited/nervous/scared all at once....is that possible? i guess it dosent matter....

so possibly soon i will be gettin an apartment with my cousin....YAY! ill be on my own for once...this is great! i cant wait. i mean i can, cause im prolly not ready to be on my own with a baby in a new house with my cousin....you know...but things happen for reasons, maybe ill learn a whole lot more this way. we shall see....

Currently Listening The Drowning By Dashboard Confessional see related

So here i am, once again....still pregnant. But thats okay. Nothings really popping off, yet. Latly ive been chillin with the fam and couple friends here and there, but i am okay with that. I  really cant be around alot of people right now cause i get annoyed real fast! Hopefully my attitude towards everything will change. I just like being left alone, but i know they are just tryin to be there for me.

i cant really say whats on my mind, because i dont want to hurt peoples feelings. Lucky me i guess that no one reads this anymore, but i dont want to take my chances. Its not like its really bad, i guess i am just annoyed. I just want to have this baby  already, everyones gotta understand that. I mean i know everyone is excited and wants to know how i feel and shit, but sometimes i am not in the mood to fuckin talk to anyone!

You know what, until you people become pregnant, please dont tell me to stop acting the way i am. I have a good fucking reason! Plus, if you know me, then you know im on depression meds, and i had to stop taking them when i became pregnant, so fucking bare with me. If you cant then just wait until i have the baby, i can promise i will be better.

Also, i love how i havnt talkd to alot of people in a alot of yrs, including some family members, dont talk to me, and then they find out im pregnant and all of a sudden just want to be my friend. That dosent make sense, if i wasnt pregnant would you be talkin to me right now, cause if not, dont fucking start! I hate shit like that! Its stupid, it dosent make me feel good at all! Special with the family memebers, you dont look twice at me and then omg im pregnant and your all about finding out how i am? Its people like you guys that make me feel stupid....i hate you.

this venting shit isnt helping me cause nothing is comming out making sense at all...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

So ive been in labor twice!...how ridiculous is it to say that i am STILL pregnant?! lol...the first time iwent into labor they HAD to stop it...so they did by giving me a pitcher of water to drink two iv bags full of water, and then 2 shots, they were gonna give me up to six but i was shakin from the first two, cuase their like 6 cups of caffiene in one tiny ass shot! Theeen i went home and my contractions and shit have stoped, but i am dialated 1 cm which is nothing! Okay soooo the second time i go in they tell me im deffinaltly having major contractions but i wasnt dialating at all,. im still 1 cm. Mia's sleeping through the whole contractions and shit, thats wild yo. so hopefully the next time i go into labor it will be the real thing....im starting to think that she just wont ever come out.....ahhh! she wants me to go crazy!!!!

ill keep updating!