shai

If I ever Fall In Love

The very first time
That I saw your brown eyes
Your lips said hello and I said hi
I knew right then you were the one
But I was caught up
In physical attraction
But to my satisfaction
Baby you were more than just a face

And if I ever (ever fall) in love again (again)
I will be sure that the lady is a friend
And if I ever (ever fall) in love so true (true)
I will be sure that the lady's just like you

Oh, yeah, the very next time she'll be my friend

If I say that I will be your one and only
(promise, promise) Promise that you'll never leave me lonely
I just wanna be the one you need
Oh, baby
I just wanna be the one who serves you
Sometime I feel as if I don't deserve you
I cherish every moment that we share

Very next time she will be my friend
Someone who I can believe in

(my friend)
I need someone who'll be my friend
(my friend)
To be with me through thick and thin
(my friend)
Please share my love with me my friend
I need someone like you

heard this on a comp cd, on tv. i always liked this song....working alot lately. well thats about all i do. but that money is nice. too bad i have to save for a car and not blow it...lol. i think lt said it, "ya, so you have money now, but you dont have time to even spend any of it." how true...lt burned my the anthany hamilton cd....so fucking good. some songs make me wanna dance, but other make me think way to much. thank god i didnt have this cd a half a year ago...i miss my mom. when i go home i barely ever get to see her. i miss just being lazy on the couch, and watching soup operas with her, and askign a million questions, as well as critising everything about them..heh. im also very lonely. i have been more than fine with situations for awhile now. and have acepted everything for the way things turned out. but i need to find someone. someone that i just fall for, and someone that wants to be serious. i just want to come home from work, (be in 6 am. or 2pm.depending on if i work one or 2 jobs that day.) and see somone sleepin in my bed. i took alot of the little things for granted in the past. just being with someone, and cuddling, and hearing them say i love you. but i just got so used to it. being alone, and not even having time to put effort into starting a realationship sucks. there is plenty of amazing girls out there, but i cant even ask someone out for a date. "hey would you like to go out on a date, at 7 in the morning?"

speaking of work. they are goin to crosstrain me. which sounded cool and all, but im making 10 bones in that kitchen. and while im training i get server pay, and no tips. fuck that. i need that cash flow so i can get a new car. i dont need to be making some broad tip money. plus, it has been way slow at dennys as of late, so i wont get hella good tips anyways

i dunno, im gonna go np before work. lata kids

let it go, you have no quarell with me. at least you dont have one for a good reason. you talk about respect, respect your girl friend, and your friends' feelings. let that shit die. how many months have gone by, and im still the subject of your drama. get a life. i got enough shit on my mind, where i dont need to worry about how i have to take your insults, and return back with mature comments. if you hate me sooo much, for some shit that i have done in the past, that i do regret, and i have appoligized for, and am sincerly sorry for, well then come over and fight me. im no fighter, and i have no reason to fight you, at least in my eyes. so come on over and take a swing. will that make you feel better. will that make you feel like a bigger man. the shit talk is a waste of time, either step up to the plate, or just stop running you mouth.

i dunno how many times i have had this converstaion with myself, on here, and with friends. but this is the first time, im calm and relaxed while saying it. read the insults and just ask why. its good that im being able to do that, instead of just jumping on the- hey, well i can say this to you, eh eh, you like that one, maybe ill one up you, back and forth insults.

ya, and im turning off the comments on this one, cause there are only 2 people that i care to talk to about the situation, the 2 that can make it end.  stop contradicing you moral belives, and your words, go up, and show some respect to your damn selves, cause you just look like fools.

ehh...what a waste it all really was. even though things turned out sooo shity. even though nothing went as planned. even though i ended everything by being a super huge asshole. i didnt think it still bothered me. read a site, shouldnt have. curiousity killed the cat-eh...reading that what you thought the whole time was true. i dunno, i need to stop reading peoples person sites i guess. i guess even though i regret everything, on the note of how it ended, it was still a good ride while it lasted, and i dont regret the good times. but i stand alone on that one....eh....its weird, i guees do to the fact that my last 2 relastionships were all about me being used. just gets to me. last year this time, getting used for oral sex...hah. and then the last one just being used as a rebound. in which i fell hard for all the lies....and now....i have been hangin out with this girl. sweetheart, way cute-kinda looks like the american pie girl in the face- well....she talked shit to this girl, that is dating this boy she "started" to see. so it feels like im hoping into the rebound catigory again. im very seceptic. i really dont know if i can trust anyone like that again. and i dont know if i want to try. last time was just so hard. and i found out, i deffinenty not mature enough to handle heartbreak. or being cheated on.-you can cheat with your heart too, just because there no physical contact, doesnt mean that you having the desire for someone else isnt cheating-

oh, i also had to quit the band, had the final show on the 26th. it was amazing, played 2 old songs, kids went off, kicked utah 4 times in the same spot. tony showed up for the show-nice to see mexico. i had an offer to keep the dream alive, but i dont know if taking that will be enough. guess we'll just have to wait and see huh?

done.

gonna try to go back to bed, i gotta work 10pm-6am tonite. and then 7am-1pm....and on that note, fuck this....nothing is worth any effort anymore...fingers crossed for the lotto, or an icey bridge.

its my chance to turn everything around, will i make the right choices, will i fall into the same traps. probally. i'm a 100% fuckup at heart. fall for the wrongs girls, belive the lies, make poor money investments, blow a shitload of money-on nothing-do somthing stupid, say somthing stupid. get busted for doign somthing stupid. my life- and whirlwind of me getting fucked.

hah....quote time-

"this life is like a piece of pussy, as long as i stay, its just gonna keep fucking me."

-borrowed from a luda song on the new cd, then altered by the browneye.

soo...aparently, im WAY!! in the wrong...interesting thoughts....

more drama has been goin down. found out why...interesting...lol
-so i guess people keep questioning this kid about things that i have said, from a past relationship. i dont appericate the fact that they would go and say shit too him. cause that would be insulting to me. and i regret that this happened. fortantly i now know, who these peoples are. and i now know that i wouldnt trust them with a dollar, let alone anything personal to me. whats funny, is everything i have told them is 100% true.....but those are other stories that i cant let out anymore. oh...and for the record unless multiple kisses, open mouth for over(lets say 5 min) isnt making out. i did make out with that broad.*just for the record* i realize that she has a different view of things, but being a small town boy that was my ?interpetation? of things.

whew, now that i got that out. this whole deal falls on me. my fault i guess, had i not told "stories" of past relationships in past times, and in recent this prolly wouldnt be a problem. i guess i have this deal were if someone starts a convosation about somthing pertaining to broads, and i have a story that goes with it, i dont think twice about letting it out. -should prolly work on that.

whats probally more iretating than anything, is i lost my cool. i let it get to me way more than it should have. and i just started running my mouth back. you'll have that i guess. sometimes i can bite my tounge, and let shit go, and sometimes i just dont think about what im goin to say, and just speak off the top of my head. i always thought that was a good quality. cause i was always saying what i was thinking, and feeling, right there at that moment. honesty i guess. eh...fuck it. its in the past. couple weeks, someone will say somthign to be a smart ass, and the cycle will just repeat its self.

another thing that is way shittey. is its putting my roomate in an akward position. on his side, they are his friends. enough said.
-on my side, when i moved in. we had an understanding. that i could deal with the kid coming over here. and he said good, he is only over here for shows anyways....well that backfired in my face...3 times in a weeks time...shittey for me. discourageing at first, but i have to deal with it. but....the other side of the deal was....she wasnt to come over. like he said there was no problem with that, cause he knew it would make me uncomfortable. and i mean, i pay rent i live here too. it should be "our apartment"...why should i have to feel akward in my home. i shouldnt have to deal with that. i dont know. it shouldnt be such a big deal. but i just dont wanna see that girl. at all. i mean, i was lied too, fucked over, then shit talked on. and then repeat shit talk several times. (keep in mind i played my fair share of the shit talk). but still.....i guess im not to big into holding gruges, but i dont forget any wrongs that were done to me. and i see him, i can deal with it. but i see her, and its just flash backs of being pissed. knowing that when i was in the hardest time of my life, she kicked me in the face. its just frustrating i guess.

i dunno, i guess the lesson for today is, i need to learn to just avoid making situations worse, think before i speak. not tell any of these cleveland, or lorain kids a damn thing. cause these kids feel the need for drama in the scene.

and on that note, i really miss my fremont crew. from like....the summer of senior year to the summer after senior year. things were just soo good, i could trust all my "friends"...could talk to them, and know that they werent going to spread shit around like some high school soap opra. its sad that i cant go back to that. and just depressing that i cant have that out here....im already to move on again. the east coast is cold too, so fuck that. the west coast is just calling to me. i would rather be out there, where its warm, and where the scenes are too big for lil drama like this. i would rather worry about getting my ass kicked by crews, than deal with drama. and, well shit, i see my best friends maybe once a month, some i havent seen for a year. its not that hard to start over, i did it here. i could easily do it out there. well see i guess, hopfully i get into the training program for managers thru dennys....and find an opening out there or somthing. that way, i wouldnt be goin out *anywhere* to a dead end job, and just starting over again. low pay sucks the dick off.

i cant belive im already thinking of leaving here. its been what, 2 months....maybe this shit just isnt my deal. should probally look into some sort of carreer, where im constantly on the move. ohhh that would be soo great. just have a home to come back to ever month or soo...be here for  a week, and then be gone again. i got what, 3 years + till i can drive truck. only 3 years....*sigh* drive nationally. be gone for weeks at a time. good money, and do the one thing im for sure good at, driving.-well distance anyways-i cant stand being in one location for any period of time. the band thing would be bomb, if we somehow went major, and i could afoard my bills from doing it. that would probally be the best. but i have spent way too much of my life dreaming, and hoping for shit to happen. and when we make decent leaps, towards, outta state shows, it just never works out. 2....2 since i have been in the band. both shows were a flop as far as turn out goes.

eh..im done venting, at least for now. got most of it outta my system, so i hopfully wont think about shit as much.

hehe...oh, and i had the most AMAZING weekend, on the one good note i have....hehe....the fancy party was amazing, the next day, was amazing. and sunday...ummm..kind of a dull day, but sundays always suck when you gotta work.

im done, things will turn around. at least they better god damn it.-browneye

NOW ITS A PARTY...

MOSHjonMOSH: i cant believe the shit you said to her..after you slept with her
MOSHjonMOSH: real classy guy
oBROWNEYEo: huh
oBROWNEYEo: who
MOSHjonMOSH: now your pregnant and have aids...       class
oBROWNEYEo: hahaha
MOSHjonMOSH: high class
MOSHjonMOSH: says alot about you
oBROWNEYEo: you just now heard that
oBROWNEYEo: oh man, that was so long ago, that was some funny shit
MOSHjonMOSH: oh yeah real funny
oBROWNEYEo: eh.
MOSHjonMOSH: your a fuckign piece of shit
oBROWNEYEo: its all how you take it
MOSHjonMOSH: it fuckign called respect
oBROWNEYEo: why are you doin this jon
MOSHjonMOSH: since you "loved her and all"
oBROWNEYEo: dude, i dont wanna do this
oBROWNEYEo: i would appericate if you didnt bring up the past
MOSHjonMOSH: all i gotta say is your lucky u live with anwar
oBROWNEYEo: whateva man
MOSHjonMOSH: exactly
MOSHjonMOSH: i think its funny how you asked her if you could tell me...since you knew i always ranked above you anyways
oBROWNEYEo: huh?
oBROWNEYEo: what are you talking about, i really dont understand that last statement
oBROWNEYEo: well i dont know what i asked her if i coudl tell you?....and i didnt really ever think about you ranking over me, i thought her feelings were sincere until the end
oBROWNEYEo: you know what i think is funny, how one or both of you is still dwelling on me. get on with your lives, and enjoy your relationship with each other. i stopped talking to her, so we wouldnt have to worry about this shit. and here you are bringing up things from the past that has nothing to do with you.
oBROWNEYEo: we had a joking fun relationship.
MOSHjonMOSH: shut the fuck up
oBROWNEYEo: and if looking back she didnt enjoy it as much as she did at the time, then im sorry, but im out of your lives, stay outta mine