blah...

so, its been a LONG LONG LONG time since i last went on this thing...
WHY I'VE BEEN BUSY=
-marching banddddd
-World History AP (psycho crazy...)
-PSAT!! (all sophmores were required to take it...)
-English 2 P/AP (too many essays...>_<)
-community service
-FRENCH!! *^^*
-clubs

so...yea...
these days, my lifes just been...like, blahish...
nothing goods been happening, it kinda sucks, but it could be worse...
nothing that new

now im in
-algebra 2 P/AP
-chemistry P/AP
-French 2
-Band...as usual...

so...yeas...

-Caroline Suh

Currently Listening Anna-Molly By Incubus see related

Back from Korea

hello all...
well, we've been back from korea for quite awhile, but i havent had time to write a blog entry...
this picture is a picture of my sibs while we were at a tour, and we went to an island off the coast of the lowest point of korea...
i pretty much loved the trip!
while at the trip, i had a LOT of time to think...like, more than i ever needed...thankfully!

WHAT WE DID AT KOREA
-went to my mom's grandpa's house (so my great-grandparent's) and stayed there for about...2-3 days...we actually found a foundation behind the apartment that looked like it was there for a LONG TIME, so we would go up there, i would read and my sibs would play around and practice their tae kwon do (cuz it was a BIG area to just run around)...it was in the countryside, so it was really quiet and beautiful...
-we went to my mom's aunt and uncle's house...so basically, my grandparents...ANYWAYS, they have 2 sons, one whos 22 (REALLY TALL, we guessed he was gay for awhile until we found out he has a gf, nice, sleeps through ANYTHING...my sibs tested that theory...) and one who is 10...im serious, 10...(annoying, LOUD, all over the place...basically, the worse of the 2) and because they were my mom's aunt's kids...they were my mom's cousins and my uncles...we stayed with them the longest, and i didnt mind! my aunt cooks INCREDIBLY WELL...she makes her own 마두, 순대, shabu shabu, 모밀국수, and a LOT of REALLY REALLY REALLY good food...
-we went to my mom's best friend's house...SO, shes known her friend since like...middle school, and shes really nice! she has like 4 kids, and when i saw them again (they came over to our house once), OMG they grew so tall!!
-we went to my little sister's friend's house...Sarah and Kristi Kang, sarah is reenas age, and kristi is tims age, and theyr pretty cool...last time we came to her house, they were pretty much the most annoying kids EVER, but now theyr ok...i kinda feel sorry for their mom because it seems like they take her for granted...theyr mom is really nice, shes really skinny, dresses according to fashion, cooks well, but they seem to take her for granted...
-we went to my mom's cousin's house...my mom's cousin is a potter and so is his wife, but they arent just ANY potters...theyr pretty much artists! i LOVED theyr house tho, it was built the old fashion style, but they had this HUGE room (like a living room), they dont need to buy dishes or cups cuz they make them, they have like 3 dogs, they have the CUTEST kids ever (!), and we got to make our own things...i made a plate and pitcher, my brother made a vase and cup, my little sister made a bowl and a weird cup thing, but it didnt turn out...also, while over at their house, we went to this sauna, but it was different because what they did was they burned wood in ovens to make coal, and when they were done, the ovens had to cool down...well the ovens take about 3 days to cool down, and during that time, people come and just sit in the rooms and sweat...its supposedly really good for ur skin and body because ur sweating out all of the bad things in ur body...
-we went on about 2 tours...not the most fun things on the world, but they were ok
-we ate a LOT of food...OMG, SO MUCH FOOD...냉면, 짬뽕, 떡뽁기, 팥빙수, 깔국수, 만두, pizza (OMG, korean pizza=SO GOOD), ice cream (OMG also so good), milk (MMMMM), Shabu shabu, 고기...a lot of it...,etc...
-why we didnt gain much weight, but lost some weight.....SUBWAY...my gosh, the subways in korea are CRAZY...its not a subway like restaurant, but like an actual subway system...just saying...anyways, u have to walk to get anywhere, stairs, Stairs, STAIRS...before the 3rd week we were at korea, i could ride the subways be myself! also, the buses can get kinda psycho...
-we went to...Everland, LotteWorld, Old Folk Korean villages...what else...idk, but oh well! it was fun!!

WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING LATELY
-College Prep...basically it helps to prepare for PSAT, SAT, ACT...by now, i have learned over 200 vocab words in 2 weeks...sheesh...
-Reading Comprehension and Skills...basically, its raising my reading speed and comprehension for a story...by now im over 400 wpm, but the teacher says to stay under 400 or else i wont understand whats going on...it can get kinda boring, but its ok...better than doing nothing!
-Little Kids...so, im now taking care of little kids almost every friday...with my mom VOLUNTEERING ME...oh well, its ok, cuz im getting paid tho!
-MARCHING BAND...I CANT WAIT UNTIL IT STARTS!!! WOOT! AUGUST 10th!!!

SO, thats it...
~caroline

Vacation...IS EARLY FOR LISD!!

what is coolio...
-SCHOOL IS OVER FOR LISD SCHOOL DISTRICT!! =] and its actually been over since thursday!
-Marching band is going to be back soon!!
-Katie is in the same band as me (let the crazy begin!)
-Im going to Korea for about 7 weeks!

what isnt coolio at ALL and is in fact very very very VERY LAMEE
-Im in concert band (WITH TURNER!! *cries*)
-I didnt make section leader or drum major
-I havent gotten a letter back from Nevada to get into LEAP
-Most of my friends are in Symphonic or Wind Symphony
-I may have to go to school while at Korea
-A good friend of mine is now in Varsity Band...=[

that is basically it...and u may have notice there are DEFINATELY MORE bad things than good...blarg...

other than some minor band issues, im doing well...actually...nah, better not complain, it can get boring...

SO, im leaving for Korea tonight...garg...what a long flight its going to be...

~caroline

Giving Forward

Lately, i have been thinking about a topic that my English teacher brought up, and it is, Giving Forward. We had to annotate (SO ANNOYING) a poem called Oranges. The poem is a really sweet poem, and it's about how a boy took a girl for a walk, and they went into a store. He offers to buy her candy, and she picks chocolate that costs a dime. He only has a nickel, but he has 2 oranges. He pays with the nickel and an orange. Basically, the topic was," Do you think that this was an arrangement or do you think it was unplanned for?" Of course the majority thought it was unplanned for. That brought up the topic," Why do you think she understood and let him have the chocolate for a nickel and an orange?" Giving forward is basically the opposite of Giving back. You aren't repaying someone, you are just giving back to the world. Examples are, paying for the people behind you for a toll road, paying for other people's groceries, giving food or money to the poor, etc.

I think about all of this, and realize that, this is the life of a Christian. If someone asks for money, don't expect the person to pay it back! Just give the money and live with it! To be a Christian, to me, is basically a life of Giving forward. Whether it is volunteering, giving money, or praying for someone when they ask you, you are giving forward. You can give other things besides money though! You can give energy, music, time, and even love.

This topic sounds kinda lame, but im truly going to try to give forward...
~caroline

SO, today, i went to Six Flags, and it was fun...the ride part at least...and i felt really REALLY shitty today at the end, and i will explain why with several other things that have been truly been bothering me...so this is going to be a long entry...if u get bored and stop reading, i understand...

The Church
i am not angry at the Church church, but the youth group in the church...SO, we went to Six Flags today...rode rides, ate food, went to a "concert" (we didnt even get to hear Casting Crowns) and came back home...fun? NOT REALLY >_< every time i do something with the youth group, i am usually left out, not talked to, not cared for, just invisible...i try to put myself into the crowd, i really do, i just dont fit in...most of the time, i am left sitting alone in a pew while everyone is squished together, whispering, text messaging, and giggling through the service, and im left alone...the couple friends that i do have, either only come on sundays, runs off when certain people are there, or runs off with guys...so, i always feel like i did the first day i came into the church...no, i was noticed a lot more when i first came...second thing=today, everyone cared for my brother...he forgot a jacket, so they got him a really thick one...one of the older chaperones was always asking him if he was cold...the JDSN (a JDSN is pretty much a youth pastor) was always asking him if he was cold, and offered to win him a toy...well, with no one talking to me, no one wanting to sit by me, and with a lot more attention on my brother than me...well, its kinda depressing...but then, who cares about the older, fatter sister? who cares about her? NO ONE...geez, i bet my school friends are reading this when i need the church kids to read this...

Being a "There" Friend
now this, pretty much bug me the most...i was going to write about this awhile ago, but forgot...ANYWAYS, a "There" friend is a friend who is there for whenever u need him or her...now lately, couple of people have turned me into their "there" friend...and it is also kinda depressing...now, let me explain the pains of being a "there" friend. When u are a "there" friend, the person who made you their "there" friend doesnt talk to you right away...usually they go to their other friends and talk to them before even thinking about coming to you to talk...when the "there" friend talks to the friend, the friend usually talks quickly and distractedly and walks toward different friends, leaving the "there" friend behind and alone...at other times, the friend talks to the "there" friend for a bit, and as the "there" friend replies back, the friend disappears to go talk to someone else, leaving the "there" friend talking to no one and not noticing until they look to where the friend was before...sometimes, when the "there" friend talks to the friend, the friend give the "there" friend weird looks because the "there" supposedly said something weird and then goes to talk to someone else...the "there" friend is usually turned to when the friend needs help on certain things like their geometry, or any other homework...anyways, what im trying to say is, i absolutely hate being the "there" friend because it seriously makes me feel like im worth nothing in anybody's life...

now, the last part is going to be my "Testimony" because awhile back, i told myself i was going to have to write it someday on either Xanga or here, because there are a lot of people who dont understand, or dont kno what had happened and what is happening...so, if u want to stop reading, u should cuz this part is even longer...

I was born into the church, so nothing was incredibly new for me...when i was in sunday school, i loved to sing, i knew most of the answers to what the teachers asked, i loved church...i probably wouldn't have the troubles with people in the church if it wasnt for what happened to me every sunday for 6 years...every sunday, this group of boys would always make fun of me, one way or another,and make me cry...every sunday...because of them, i hated talking to any guys in church, and i disliked almost every kid in the sunday school group because they were either with them, or didnt care at all...so because of them, i almost never cried after those 6 years...the church that i went to, almost all the kids grouped up according to schools...i went to school in Carson City, and almost all of the kids went to school in Reno...i was always out of the groups, and no one really talked to me, but it wasnt that bad because i always had at least one friend to talk to...my christian life changed about 2 years ago in december...my dad couldnt...expel wastes, so he had to go the hospital to get everything pumped out...after pumping everything out, they sent a camera down to see what was wrong...they found about 6-8 ulcers in his stomach, so they did an operation to try to fix them...later, it turned out that it wasnt ulcers, but a type of stomach cancer...so, he started getting chemo...during that time, he couldnt smell any food without throwing up, so i remember eating a lot of microwavable food inside my room, and eating food outside made on one of those gas stoves...but he did start getting better! he started to be able to eat with us, watch tv with us, and was able to joke with us...then he caught a cold and after that...it never truly left...he went until July, and it was the week in between my swim camp and my retreat that he died...what happened was, he got a seizure, and they had to send him to the Reno-Tahoe Hospital...i actually spent July 3rd and part of 4th with my mom in the hospital...later on the 4th, i went back to my grandma's house with my mom's friend cuz my mom thought that my dad was doing better, so i could go home...then on the 5th, in the morning, my mom called to say that my dad was sleeping, and it was funny cuz he was snoring so loud...i went to morning practice...then at around 11:30-45, my mom called and said, my dad had passed away...i was the first of my siblings to kno, and i couldnt cry or else my sibs would have panicked or something...so, i went to afternoon practice, and cried my heart out there...i remember the day incredibly clearly...i guess the worst part is, he had died 5 days before my birthday...

now, my mom is a super strong/crazyish christian...but what im worried about is about my mind...before my dad died, i was a perfect student...always A's no matter what, and i barely tried...always the teacher's pet without trying...always a perfectionist before, without trying...now, i make bad grades, i cant work as easily now...idk what happened, but i truly think that my dad's death caused something in my mind to come out of balance...idk what is wrong, but for sure, something is...

~caroline

ps...i was venting...sorry!