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Bunny_Babbitt
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Name: Kasey
Birthday: 8/18/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Radio & Television, guys, chillin' with "mi amigos," par-tees, and doing random retarded type things...
Expertise: making weird analogies about small children at christmas time...(it's somthing I just do...I just ramble and weird things come out...what can I say?)
Occupation: Executive
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
4/18/2003
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| You've got to have faith...So it's a cheesy Gorge Michael's song, yet that fraise is so true. What would life be if we didn't believe there was reason for most of the tough stuff we go through on a daily basis? It wouldn't mean too terribly much. A day before my grandma had all of her cancer tests and scans she received a prayer blanket from CA, from a cousin she hadn't heard from in a while. Some people at her cousin's church made this blanket for my grandma that had a bunch of strings tied on it, and each string had several knots, and each knots represents a prayer that was prayed for my grandma and her cancer. The next day she had her tests, and when they got the results back they found better result then originally anticipated. The cancer had not spread, it was only on the outside of her lung and she found out she wouldn't have to go through as strong of chemotherapy as she was supposed to have. The news gave our family's out look a complete face lift. Now as my family was preparing for the worst and was told that she only had a year at max to live, she now has hope and the possibility of the cancer going into remission. I prayed last week that she would make it to my 21st birthday, because its tradition that my whole family goes to the boats to gamble on our 21st b-day, and I'm the last one left, so I hope she's alive and strong enough to enjoy that time in my life with me like she has for her other three grandchildren. -Kasey | | |
| So disregaurd some of that last entry...Ironic thing is, my grandma just got diagnosed with advanced stage lung cancer, and as the glue that holds my family together slips away, my family, myself included, aren't really sure how to deal with it...so unfortunatly I do have one of the "real" problems I was talking about earlier...too bad this kind of ironic isn't the funny kind....
-Kasey | | |
| Right NowYou know what I've finally realized? My problems are so insignificant compared to a lot of other peoples. I sit and I whine and cry that when I pray to God, He doesn't do a great job of coming through for me, but you know what? It's because my problems are extremely petty and because there are other people in the world that need His help way more then I do. I don't have abusive parents or have had a poverty stricken upbringing. I haven't been diagnosed with a life threatening illness or disease. I haven't been uneducated, molested, or raped. I've never felt real physical pain or suffrage. I've never went hungry or thirsty, and I've never really been one hundred percent alone...and neither have half the johnson county cry babies I have encountered throughout my life. We sit on our college educated asses in our rooms on our comfortable beds, connected to the internet, and listening to angry music on our ipods and we think, "Oh, my life sucks. I hate being me. I'm so unlucky and alone. I want to leave Kansas. My life is so boring. I hate all people." While our parents sit merely ten feet away watching TV (probably in HD or on a flat screen) in the next room. Bullshit. We are lucky. So what if we live in Kansas? It is Johnson County or Lawrence or Topeka or Wichita. It's not like it's the middle of nowhere. Tell me you can't hope in your car (that your parents probably helped you pay for) and drive five minuets or less to a restaurant or store. More than likely not a lot of you can say you can't. Obviously not the middle of nowhere. None of us know what it's like to have real problems. Try breathing and putting yourself in someone else's shoes, someone who's in an actual bad situation. I'm not talking like they are single and like this guy but can't get noticed by him, or they don't have enough money to buy a coach purse they've wanted for as long as they remember, or they only feel unloved because they get made fun of at school but have loving parents ten feet away. NO, none of that. I mean, what if your mom came home one day and your family couldn't have dinner because she had to cash her paycheck in order for the electricity to not be shut off so you all wouldn't freeze to death. Or you don't have a doctor to go to when your sick because your family can afford medical insurance. Or you got diagnosed with cancer or AIDS and you only have a month to live. REAL problems....Think on that. | | |
| I am completely at a loss at the moment...seriously... | | |
| So...I like this guy and I have three classes with him...yet...i cease to exsist in the role as potencial girlfriend material. I've decided along with the help of my mom...and maybe this is too personal for a blog...but you know what? who the hell cares...I need a shrink. I have been on this earth for almost 20 years, and I have yet to be romantically involved with anyone and for a number of different reasons, and probably more-so than I'm even aware of. (A) I'm entirely too picky. I mean I like who I like and thats it for me, and if that guy dosen't happen to like me back well then I'm SOL. (B) I have low self esteam. Which is actually a funny characteristic for someone whose so picky to have. (C) It's extremely hard for me to open up to people, and for me to let my guard down and to become vunerable, and the thought of being too intimate (whether it be mental or physical) scares the shit out of me, so therefore I push those trying to get close away. (D) I'm usually attracted to arrogant asshole who always end up crushing my feelings, and when I actually like someone who might not be an asshole, like for instance right this very moment, I get entirely too scared to put myself out there because of problem (B) and because of problem (E) which is that I have an intensly huge fear of rejection...So I'm getting professional help so I can find out where all of this stems from, or else I see myself ten years from now living out my biggest fear, which is living all alone with a couple dogs and making myself even more miserable by watching movies like the Notebook and A Walk to Remember and obsessing over the loveless void in my life...I mean, this my sound disproportioned, but honestly...I need some massive help. This may sound normal or whatever to some people, but coming from someone like me who has a brother who has constantly had girlfriends and serious relationships ever since he was in the 6th grade, I think I'm justified in thinking I have a problem being eternally single as a sophomore in college...I just want to feel what it's like not to be alone... | | |
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