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| Things are alright. My weekend was pretty good. I don't remember what I
did Friday at all, but I know I hung out with Erika, Derek, Mooie,
Eddie, and my little bro. Saturday, my dad came to get me and we went
to the harbor and downtown. It was fun. We got pizza and checked out
some shops. I got brochure's from the Visitors Center about different
Museume's I want to go to, Ocean City, and Camp Grounds in Maryland. My
dad and I might go with my Aunt, Uncle, Grandmom, and Cousins to this
camp ground in the moutains. I love camping. And my dads family is
freaking crazy, so that would rock, especially if I brought a friend. I
just want to do something different soon. When we left my dad drove
through where he used to live and he was talking about how things are
different now and what it was like when he lived there before the army
and people he knew. And he was talking about when he was a kid. I love
when I find things out about peoples lives that I didn't know, it's
just interesting to see how people live and what different people think
about issues. Anyway, then we went to the Goodwill Superstore. Which is
the fucking highlight of my Summer so far. Pfft, I hope something
better happens =/ haha. I got three pairs of jeans for freaking 6
bucks. That rocks hardcore. Today I woke up and watched half of Team
America, then I fell back asleep, until 6:50 when we left. My dad got a
cheese pizza from Gil's for the ride home. I love gil's. When I was
younger everytime i went to my dads we got gil's and movies, and it was
exciting. Tonight I went to Smoothie King and Starbucks with Erika,
Mooie, and Eddie. Then we went to the park for a little while and layed
in the street outside Eddie's house for an hour. It was cool. Erika and
I have some freaking awesome plans for tomorrow. We are getting up
oober early and going to some Goodwill Stores in Baltimore. That
seriously excites me to the extremeeee. Then we are going to Golden
Ring because they have two of the coolest stores ever, Pre-played and 5
below. Then we're going back to get Derek and Erik, maybe we will go
swimming =) Tomorrow night, we are seeing Land of the Dead and I
believe Eddie is joining. yeyyy. Apparently, now I am sneaking out with
Steve? Cool.
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| I'm not subscribing to anyone anymore, because I don't care to read
about peoples lives. Even if I love you, sorry. And the only time I
commented is if I was replying to a comment. But I don't have comments
enabled because I don't use Xanga for the social and friend aspect of
it, it's for me. If you read, whatever, that's cool. I was just
thinking about how, I've always
had so many "friends" because I make them easily and I've always been
so nice to all different
kinds of people. But people are just annoying. I used to not care if my
"friends" did stupid stuff because they were still my friends, but
there's a lot I can't stand in people anymore because they get dumber
and dumber and then I realize that they aren't really my friend. I am
perfectly happy with my few close friends. Because
they are the ones that will matter, and I TRUST
them. Quality is more important. But meeting new people and
strengthening old friendships is cool also.
Tonight was good, I enjoyed it. It still hasn't hit me that school is
out, I feel like we are just on vacation for a few days. By the time it
hits me it will be half over, 2 months is not long at all. Especially
when I think about what I was doing two months ago and how I thought
summer would never get here. Shit, there's so much I want to do this
summer.
It's so weird the way I've felt the last few days. I've felt it before,
but not for a long time. Maybe a year or so ago. It's like, I'm
dreaming. As if I am walking around but it isn't really happening.
Nothing is really happening, and nothing that has happened lately or
ever happened, really occured. I don't want to think about why things
work the way they do, I just think everything is for a reason and there
is a good and bad side to everything even when it doesn't present
itself. I believe that even more so now. I defintiely have something to
do here, purposeful. Today I was thinking about all these times when I
was younger, and it's so crazy to think about that being me. Like when
I look at pictures, and remember how things were. And how when you're
little, you don't even think about the meaning of life and such you
just want to have fun and grow up and you would never think that it's
going to be the way it is. Life is so sheltered and you count down
until all the awesome things you know you'll be able to do as you get
older. It's crazy how we evolve and how life changes and how the lives
of the people who have been with me have changed. It's weird when I
think about how every person ever has gone through all the stages of
life and then they die and a new life begins when they die and how I
still have many more and I'm scared. Like seriously, when you look
forward to something it is as if it will never come, but when it does,
you realize how fast time really goes and you wonder if you did
everything you could in the time period that you were focusing on the
one thing you are excited for. For example, I've been looking forward
to getting my liscence since my sister got her permit when I was 12.
So, now I'm 16 and when I live that time over again I'll be 32. There's
so much I can do in 16 years, but I can't see myself being 32. My
parents are always talking about things that, "seem like yesterday."
And when I'm 32 I'll look back and none of this will matter. My mom
only talks to one person from High School, maybe every 4 months or so.
And everyone else's parents. Get up, go to work, come home, clean, make
dinner, take care of the kids, more housework, sleep, repeat. Crazy
thought, I refuse to sit at a desk everyday and do the same thing
constantly.
Ohk. This week, I just want to have funununununun. Goodnight
| | |
| It's weird how much you can find out about people that you never knew.
It's like, you know someone, but you might not really KNOW them. You
wouldn't think certain things about them, and then it's weird how much
you find out that they've been through, and stuff that's happened to
them. Maybe I am crazy, or I just think too much, but sometimes I'll
see people I don't know and I'll wonder who they are. I wonder what
they do in life, and what they are doing where I see them, and how
things are going for them. What they'll go home to, or how things will
turn out for them in the end. Or like, if they are really as happy as
they seem. It's weird when you think about all the people in the world,
how many people are doing the same things as you at the time, and how
everything works in the world. It's also strange when you don't see
someone or talk to them for years, and you see them somewhere random
you wouldn't expect to be seeing them again, and you become close. And
also, when you haven't seen someone for a long time, and you remember
all the times you had with them, and you wonder what they've been up
to, and what they are like now. It's weird when I think about al lthe
people I've gotten to know in my life, and how much changes, but it all
ends up good again, right? I can't help but think about how naive i
really have been, and i really am. And everytime I get screwed over and
people care way more about their own gain then anyone elses I say that
I won't let it happen again. That I won't be stupid anymore, but i
finally realize it isnt always my fault, or because i was stupid,
theres really nothing I can do about people. And also, everyone makes
mistakes, I personally, make one after another all the time, but I
don't care, I'm putting them behind me. And it's really lame for me to
give two shits what people think of me, the only reason I ever do is
because the way I start to feel/think about myself but oh well, because
all I have to do is remember what's really true. Truth is something I
don't really understand. I can't for the life of me understand why
people lie so much, and about stuff you shouldn't even need to lie
about. I don't like how I can never really know if someone is
bullshitting me or not, and how if I choose to believe them then I'm
screwing myself over, but if I don't then I might not take a chance on
someone like I should. But, in the end I think everything works out the
way it shuld, and everything happens for a reason. I also think that if
something doesn't work out between people, then it isn't because of the
people, it just wasn't supposed to be that way. Currently, I should
probably be pissed off and in a really bad mood. But I actually think
some things are really funny. It's funny when people say a lot of shit
about you, but then you find stuff out about them, and you're like,
"Haha, that person is a piece of shit. I really should have figured
that out before." It makes me wonder how anyone could possibly ever
like them, and it makes me mad that some people will never find out how
worthless they really are and then people will think you are an asshole
for hating them. But I dont hate anyone, I just highly dislike them. I
highly dislike the way they make shit up and make me feel like shit,
when really they just don't have the balls to tell me the truth. And I
highly dislike the way you think people care even a little bit about
you but they can do things that are fucked up. But it's funny more then
it is fucked up, its actually pretty pathetic. People thought I'd be
upset, but really it made me not care anymore. I'm glad I have another
reason not to trust certain people. I love the way I can listen to
music and it will make me think a lot about a lot of things, and I can
get upset. But then I can listen to something else, and all I think
about is all the good shit and fun times and I'll be happy. Music is
cool, I love it. Right now I am debating whether or not I should skip
or not tomorrow. If I do, I am sure I would have a really awesome time,
and it would be totally worth it if I didn't get caught. But,
considering I didn't go to school 3/5 days last week and one of the
days I was supposed to have detention and another in school suspension
I'm afraid they are going to call my house. And summer is right around
the fucking corner, so I have plenty of time to enjoy myself. It feels
like school is over tho since I haven't been going. I am really fucking
excited about all the people I am going to be able to hang out with
finally, with school being out. It's been in the way of a lot of the
people the mean the most to me. I know I've also neglected a lot of
these people lately, so I am really sorry. Everytime summer rolls
around I say how awesome it is going to be, and I think about all the
things I want to do, but I really think that this one is going to be
the best. Unless, I move to my dads after school's out, which there is
a 90% probability that i will =/ But then i would be getting my
liscence for sure, so it wouldn't be that awful. I am really hot. I'm
not sure if I actually am tho, or if it's because I am light headed.
Either way, I feel sick. I need to stop smoking. Hmmm, the current
music I am listening to is not making me think of anything worth
writing of. Goodnight =)
| | |
| I miss you terribly =(
Come back
Please don't leave me now
I'll be all that you need in life
Because I can't live without you and
I know all that you need
I can give you everything
When you're so far you'll forget about me.
I don't care if I am making more out of a short relationship then I should, you don't understand =/
Pretty pimp day though =) | | |
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