It's been almost 1 year.....

Wow,,,

I am surprised that I haven't wrote anything on my xanga for 1 year,,,,

Last year around this time, I remembered that I used to be in the computer lab,, and looked at the module on the computer for hours and hours till the end of the day.. It was such a boring time...

Now I am still in the same hospital and WORKING but with a big-o belly... hahaha,,, IT is such a big difference.. huh... ^^...

I actually came to xanga and wanted to write whatever I have in my mind and share ,, but at the same time,, there were so many depressing thoughts in my head so I thought I would better wait till later.. hahah,,

But still same... but wahtever... I guess it is all about hormone thingy,, crying without any reason,,, Hopefully once my baby pop up ,I will feel much better,, ^^

Anyways,, I was actually bored again at work haha,, so just wanted to kill my time,, ok one more hour to go home,,,,

NExt time if I write the notes ,,will try write something more gracefull or productive thinking like others.. Possible?? impossible??? hehehehehehehehe

It must be a hormone...that I am getting stupid.. and dull..

This is seriously boring.... How could possibly people be sitting in front of the computer all day and doing office work only taking a short lunch break?????? for me,,, no ways......dang.... this is TOO MUCH.....

I came to work at 8am... ..I've been looking at the computer screen till now and clicking the next button for finishing my assigned module thingy without talking to anybody.... this is insane and no FUNNNNNN.....phew~~~~~~*BIG sigh....

But the good thing is I still can get paid for that..... UMHAHAHAHAHAHAAH.....

ok... today also... let's BE STRONG~~~and BE HAPPY!!!!!!! 

Break time.......

I am on my first week of hospital orientation now ....little break time... they have an internet access right next to the cafeteria.... um.... nice hospital.... I love it....

anyways,,, yesterday I asked chris a random question.... why you love me??? He said because he thinks I have a good warm heart..... should I believe it??? hahah I feel like I am the meanest wife in the world....kinda very violent wife... hahaha...poor chris ... but he still thinks I am the most beautiful wife in the world..... I don't know he really thinks like that or just tries to make me happy tho....

During my orientaion... it is still kinda boring but there are some good video stuff that caught my mind.... it is all about choosing to be happy .... yeah even tho situations or circumstances not always make me happy but I can make a choice to be happy.... right??? of course we need to work on it... but I am just thankful that I have an opportunity to really think about my life and have a wonderful job provided by God.... so that I can focus to find the purpose in my life as a nurse also...

I was reading psalm 115,116,,, so good and it brings me so much peace in my heart...

....Not to us,O lord ,not to us  but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.....

I love the lord,for he heard my voice: Because he turned his ear to me,I will calll on him as long as I love. The cords of death entangles me,the anguish of the grave came upon me: I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. then I called on the name of the lord:"O lord ,save me!" : The lord is gracious and righteous Our God is full of compassion. The lord protects the simplehearted: when I was in great need,he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul,for the lord has been good to you. For you,O lord,have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears,my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the lord in the land of the living. I believed: therefore I said, "I am greatly afficted." And in my dismay I said,"All men are liars." How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. ...... on and on....

Oops, my break is over,,, heheh I am late... gotta go ... I will finish up later...

 .....I can't sleep........I felt like somebody was squeezing my heart...... I couldn't breathe for seconds....and I woke up.... after sitting up and taking a deep breathing I feel a little bit better..... dang,,, am I gonna die?????????

 .......ummmmm.....my heart is still aching.........dang..I am too young to have a heart attack...cham nae......

I guess I need to pray harder to fix it.....or go to doctor..... which doctor should I go and check up? heart doctor or psychologist.... I guess both might be needed............I just want to live a NORMAL LIFE....

 SOOOOOO tired....I wish I could go back to sleep soon tho.... so that I could survive today... him nae ja sung eunna.....I think I need to love myself more....I don't know why I keep on torturing myself all the time.... I need to STOP hating myself.... and need to keep on trusting God will take care of me.............It is so hard to be patient tho.....Seriously  I have lots of questions that I want to ask to God right now.... I wish I could....

ok... time to go .....   

Friday night..... Where should I go????? ,,,,,,, I am going to AJUMMA_ AJUCCI club by myself.... that's sad,,,

I am ajumma,,, I am ajumma...... ajumma....... ,,,,, yes I am ajumma...