| |
Just
like you enjoy watching your American Idol auditioners make fools of
themselves on TV, here are some Webcam Survivor hopefuls--praying for
their chance to make it to Xanga Stardom.
Webcam Survivor isn't for
everyone. If you can't handle the heat, commitment, and criticicm of
your special host, this game isn't for you. And what better way to
criticize than my special friend, Joe_XXX.
This character is one in a million. Joe_XXX is here to bash some of the
contestants much like Simon Cowell does. So don't be tearing when you
read his comments--you signed up for it.
This year, we received an
overwhelming amount of participants. Over 60 applied within 24 hours.
That set a new record, the previous being 40. Since a few people didn't
follow directions like supplying a name and age, or they didn't even
submit a photo (wtf face), their applications were automatically void.
Then there were some people who decided to send obviously fake
applications (Elvis is dead, idiot!). In the end, after sifting through
the legitimate applications, 43 have been permitted to audition.
Below you will find
various Xangans, with varying race, age, and interests. I advise you to
look at their site, and see what type of characters they are. (Or if
you were me, just look at their pics :P) I have left their applications
the way I received them through e-mail so you can tell what type of
person they are. Do they seem organized, half-assing, clueless, or
gassy? Your vote will tell.
Now, browse through the contestants and vote for 10 of the one's you feel deserve to move on in the comment section. Yes, I told you Webcam Survivors this WILL be harsh to the self-image. When voting, please use their Xanga screennames.
Tips for Webcam Survivors: Get your friends involved 
My name's Kacie
Stover. I'm a 17 year old Ohioan. I like swimming, dancing,
cheerleading, and volleyball, to name a few. My xanga is: www.xanga.com/stova06.
Joe_XXX Says: Hey Mary Jane, shouldn't you be out with Spidey?
Xanga Address: http://www.xanga.com/thevurd
Name: Baby Boomba // Anthony
Age: 3 // 14
State: state? STATE? psh. British Columbia.
Hobbies: drinking milk, playing games, emphasizing something small
like the death of a worm and go on and on about it for days, read,
write, tv, etc etc.
for actual ACTUAL hobbies: playing my guitar, singing to myself,
xanga(if you can call it one) and most of my time is devoted to the
beautiful invention of the computer.
Joe_XXX Says: Look, it's Ray Charles in Asian form!
Xanga address xanga.com/Andrew143
hobbies taking nudie pix and giving massages
Joe_XXX Says: Does that tattoo say "I have small wang?"
xanga.com/dizmfker. 20. CA. gettin drunk.
anything stupid. blacking out.
Joe_XXX Says: This is what happens when you jump into a pool of chlorine.
SRAguilar
Sarah
18
TEXAS!!!
SINGING, DANCING, LAUGHING, IVAN
Joe_XXX Says: Did your face just get pressed up against a glass wall?
I
have a lot. I write slam poetry, I read books that can intellectually
challenge me, I also happen to play the cello. At school I'm in a
lot of clubs (does that count?). I'm in the mock trial and moot court
team, orchestra, newspaper, literary magazine, and leadership team. I
also tutor a college freshman and elementary/junior high school
students. Okay, I feel like I'm writing a college application. All in
all, I try my best and participate in all these activities so I can go
to a good college and get the hell out of the Coney Island projects.
Joe_XXX Says: Read: Nerd 2005.
Xanga address: www.xanga.com/metskid
Name: Alan
Age: 16
State: NJ
Hobbies: Sports, Computers, Watching Sports...I don't really know :)
Joe_XXX Says: Been drinking too much Tang and orange juice lately?
xanga address- http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=daroca4u
name- Gardea Yefehmu Jomas Christian
state where live- Delaware
hobbies- reading, playing soccer/basketball, playing
chess, playing ps2 (sport/rpg/action) games, practicing my lady game
(haha!)
Joe_XXX Says: Obviously we can't decide if we want to be Black or White.
xanga: naija_naija
name: Muoyo
age: 21
state: New York
hobbies: Basketball, Readin, Plottin, Schemin, and Hustlin. Law &
Order, Dave Chappelle, Drinkin Juice
Joe_XXX Says: Why are your wrists big as your shoulders? Are you "beating the meat" THAT often?
State: Illinois, represent!
Hobbies: Eating crayons. Cool stuff. You know the deal.
Joe_XXX Says: Best costume. Ever.
www.xanga.com/pinoyriceburner
Jefferson Velasco
19
Colorado
Hobbies include trying to be totally awesome. Pinching people's cheeks
after they've their wisdom teeth extracted, fighting evil villians.
Eating dim sum...pointing out the obvious. Stating "I have a
confession" when responded to, I then continue on to state "you suck."
I also like putting lip balm on my chaffing lips, coco butter on my
dry skin and marker on my friends face. Oh and I also like
Naruto....and to draw...and people make fun of me...End
Joe_XXX Says: Do the arrows imply all the dog, cat, and eggrolls about to fly into your mouth?
18 years old
Southern CA... yes it DOES make a difference. I don't like being associate with them northerners... andd I digress.
hobbies: photography, dancing around my house like a maniac, singing off key, filling out mindless entries like these
Joe_XXX Says: Pedophilia is not a joke. Neither is lesbianism.
www.xanga.com/gooksantiger
Tommy JK Lee
age: 20
New York
Hobbies: Drinking, Sleeping, Eating, Working Out, and more drinking
Joe_XXX Says: You must be Neo--blindfolded by dental floss.
Name: Trinh Dang
Age: 19
Nationality: Vietnamese
Occupation: Student and a bum
Xanga: Mindboggling
State: Big ol' Texas
Hobbies: eBaying, watch Family Guy, find new music, hit on boys, and argue
Joe_XXX Says: I've seen that shirt design before, I believe they're called Cream Savers?
Xanga: Catgofire
Name: Justin Brown
Age: 17
State: Illinois
Hobbies: anything surrounding the word "computer geek," photography,
piano, and friends
Joe_XXX Says: And I thought Albino White people were pale.
xanga username: o_O_whatcha_lookin_at_o_O
name: e*...or does this have to be our real name?
state: kansas...in the boonies somewhere.
hobbies: eating, sleeping, napoleon dynamite, music.
Joe_XXX Says: I know a great plastic surgeon who does breast implants. Buy one and get the other half off!
Xanga address: www.xanga.com/gyjcwang
name: Jason
age: 81
state: CA
hobbies: Telling little kids how their moms are
cheating on their dads with Santa, and how Tooth Fairy
was a way of compensating the kid for neglecting him/her
Joe_XXX Says: Gee, someone's been lonely on some nights.
- xanga.com/abre_los_0jos
- lindsey ((Lp))
- nineteen
- art, partying, the beach, drinking, roadtrips, ASU
Joe_XXX Says: Brain cell count: 2. After alcohol consumption: 1.
xanga address is: Twist2daRav3n
Hobbies: I snowboard like a boy, I'm a Hooter's girl
to kill time, I sketch when I'm inspired, write to relieve stress,
dance and can drink any guy under the table with shots of 151.
Joe_XXX Says: So you enjoy dancing on men under the table? Shit...I feel bad for that fella's groinal area.
(right)
Hobbies: Destroying the Xanga
World, Biting my Bottom Lip, Popping Bubble Paper,
Using AXE Spray Deodorant as Mace, Downloading 20 Second Porn
Clips Off Free Sites (Then Deleting Them only to download the same
exact clips the next day), Cooking (Limited to Boiling Water and
adding substance or CRACK)
Joe_XXX Says: The
Ambiguously Gay Duo strikes again. C'mon, only fags take pics with each
while making constipated faces. It's bad enough you sent this pic of
all you have.
xanga: cantbfaded
name: sebastian
age: 24
state: alabama
hobbies: photog, stripclubs, blogging, and stripclubs...
Joe_XXX Says: "My nerdy senses are tingling! Somebody forgot to carry the 1 in that tax return! THE FOOL!"
Address: xanga.com/rawk_sauceName: Jessica
Age: 18
State: Florida
Hobbies: Panic attacks
Joe_XXX Says: Seeing how your picture looks, I think the guy should be having panic attacks.
xanga address: Pulsarbabe
name: Julie Ha
state: California
age: 23
hobbies: knitting and crocheting scarves and afghans, sketching and
doodling, shopping for tea and black soaps, taking long walks around
my neighborhood when the sun is still up, watching independent and
horror films, drinking beer and eating wasabi peas.
Joe_XXX Says: Obviously the smartest pea in the pod--holding a lit cigarette near alcohol. INGENIOUS!
www.xanga.com/TheParkN8r
Celine
19 years old (will be 20 in about 2 weeks)
California
Hobbies: breaking expensive electronics, sleeping, shopping, hanging
out, eating
Joe_XXX Says: Your hobbies are SOOO original. I really must say.
xanga alias: liquidjenn.
name: jennie.
age: 22.
state: new york city. haha.
hobbies: uhm,
obviously - not much going on for this one... since i'm sitting here
filling out an *application* for a xanga game you made up. i
kid. uhh... let's see... bitching, moaning, complaining... oh...
and snowboarding.
Joe_XXX Says: Jenn, I think you have a little something on your nose. But moaning seems like redemption if you're up for it.
1. sarcastikism
2. matt
3. 16
4. long island, new york
5. music, karate, traveling
Joe_XXX Says: Dude, you're White!
Tonnyandarvin4evr.
Arvin and Tonny
California
Hobbies: webcam with eachother talk on the phone all day.
Joe_XXX Says: I wonder what's not being capture below this picture frame. Are you two making babies again?
my xanga ddress is x0x0x_sw33tkiSzesZ_x0x0x
well my name is Jackie lol
I'm 14
I live in Illinois or w/e
I Love Skating(roller skating) I <3 hanging out at the mall n just hanging with my friends n I guess drawing lol
Joe_XXX Says: LOL! WAHA KEKE!
Age: 14
State: Missouri
Hobbies: hanging with friends, eating, sleeping, reading, playing around on the computer
Joe_XXX Says: Emo. 'Nuff said.
Name: Chloe
Age: 16
State: n/a, im from England ;D
Hobbies: Swimming, Chatting on the net, Shopping [rolls eyes] erm, I don't really know o.O
Joe_XXX Says: I once knew a Chloe. She had herpes.
Xanga address: chelleart
Name: Michelle
Age: 21
State: NJ
Hobbies:
Photography. Eating lots of chocolate. Scaring my boyfriend by
pretending to be that freak girl from The Ring. Reading books, but
never the ones assigned for class - I sparknote all those... hehe.
Wasting precious study time surfing the net.
Joe_XXX Says: ::insert picture of chipmunk here::
 http://xanga.com/brandonlovessam
Brandon Myres
15
Illinois
Females...and...Computers? haha.
Joe_XXX Says: How the hell do you see if your hair is blindfolding you?
xanga: MISunderstood_FCUK name: caroline
age:16
state:new york
hobbies: dancing, sleeping, listening to music, photography, sexual humor, swimming, basketball, drawing, anime.
Joe_XXX Says: So i headed over to your site, and I read this: "random pic. im so ugly..."
Shit, you're right!
Name: Erin
State: n/a
PROVINCE: British Columbia
Hobbies: softball, reading, sex
Joe_XXX Says: This must be the long lost Smurfette everyone was talking about.
Aznxfr3ak
Kenny Nguyen
15
Virginia
Breakdancing and Paintballing
Joe_XXX Says: One recommendation: Pepto Bismol.
xanga: www.xanga.com/jaja_nech_oioi
age: 19
state: New York City, N.Y. but originally from Carmel California.
hobbies: lets see.. hobbies..tennis i <3 tennis but noone here in nyc
that i know plays and noone has a racket..and~ you have to pay to
play here.. wat the hecking is that!? okay holdem with the boys back
at home.. Cars.!1 talking about them...doing things to them.. .driving
them..anything them..... trying to kick the pigeons here in
nyc.....graffiti i love graff. art..singing..i love to sing(usually by
myself or friends)... taking pictures..i'm starting to fall in love
with photography...make up! i love anything makeup..hanging out with
the homies..that's all i can think of now x]
Joe_XXX Says: There's a monster spray can attacking you! HOLY SHIT!
name- diana
age-12
state- california
hobbies- being cool
Joe_XXX Says: If being cool is your hobby, you have failed miserably.
Xanga address: bebipenquin
name: dinq
age: 16
state: ca
hobbies: singing ;)
Joe_XXX Says: You look like a very beautiful boy.
Xanga Address: www.xanga.com/therealnemesis
Name: Christian Martinez
Age: 15
State: Maryland
Hobbies: Playing Sports and Working Out (Football, Basketball,
Wrestling, Lacrosse, Baseball, Soccer), Chillin with my Friends,
Photography, Doing New Stuff (if thats even a hobby).
Joe_XXX Says: Are you going to mow my lawn yet?
Username: Mr_Blair
Name: Art Adhatamsoontra
Age: 15
State: Maryland
Hobbies: Video Games, Sports, Friends, food, ect.
Joe_XXX Says: Damn, with that pointed nose you can cut through fences!
Xanga address: www.xanga.com/s022290c
Name: Ashley Choe
Age: 15
State: Virginia
Hobbies: Lacrosse, minesweeper.
Joe_XXX Says: Squinting will only make the cumshot burn the eyes.
Hybiscuskiss
Kristen
19
Music, Madness, Your Mom. Hmm, I've decided that I shall try out for this game of yours...I
wanted to send a naked picture, but you know, I figured that might do
harm to my political life later on.
Joe_XXX Says: With that profile pic, I don't even have to do any work!
xanga address: /maverick8221
name: billy
age: 22
state: nj hobbies: baseball, photography, ps2, music, partying.
Joe_XXX Says: Suddenly, we become uber-cool (to the extreme) by wearing our 5 year old brothers T-shirt.
Xanga address, name, age, state, hobbies and in the subject line, put
"Webcam Survivor".
You know all of them
shi
kim
21
ca
masturbating
Joe_XXX Says: Based on your face, there should be a "T" affixed to the end of your screenname--it suits you better.
So there you have it folks, this years 2005 auditions. Make your votes count.
Since tabulating the votes will be a very tedious task, I've elected a lovely Xanga friend of mine, Christy to take care of the vote counts. Lets all give a round of applause for her time. ::clap::
Chris Lau, out! |
