| | How to dance like Will Ferrell and enjoy it. Or not.
"Up in da club" where bodies and limbs are flying all over the place,
hips and waists gyrating like two people are desperately trying to
procreate behind a layer of cotton--the scene can be traumatizing, especially when one lacks
dancing skill.
I digress. Of all the
people, the bouncer singled me out for a body search. WTF, mate?! The
bouncer was, "Go, go, go, go. You, stop." Sure, my hair can deter most
people
and create an ambiguous aura of "gangstar," but shiet, I saw a whole
line of people walk by wearing parachute-like pants--enough to hide
WMD within. But no, not me.
Now, after I was practically anal-probed, I
walked in, only to see sweaty, revolting Asians attempting to dance. Now,
you know me and what I think of Asians attempting to dance. If you're
new here, lets just say Asians and dancing are like mutes trying to
sing the National Anthem. A laudable attempt, but not pretty at all.
So, what type of club dancer are you?
-
Regulars
Here you have the normal club-goers. They've been through it,
seen it, done it all on the dance floor for quite some time. They know
what to, and not what to do. They have equal parts of a dancer and
flopper (read below).
- Sloppy Floppies
Geezus, I just laughed for 20 seconds straight typing that out. It's
just as much fun saying it aloud too! These dancers are usually the
amateurs of the dance floor. They're pretty hard to spot since they
barely do any physical movements. But when they do, they start
floundering their torso like a fish attached to a male (vice-versa for
girls).
- Freakers
It's like sex, but without the sex. One can only imagine how much
caffeine was ingested before hitting the dance floor. Easily spotted
since you'll probably see smoke emitting from the crotch of the male,
and buttocks of the woman. POOF!
- Sir Bopper-lots
These are what you call "the outcasts" of the club scene. They're
comparable to the nerds in H.S., sitting alone in the dark
corner--along with others just like them--hoping for their perfect
chance that never came. They seem to have a magnetic force that
attracts those alike, and bop their heads/shoulders in unison to the
music with a drink in their hand. It's a wonderful phenomenon when seen
in person.
- One-timers
Much like one-hit wonders, the same applies for these types of dancers.
You'll spot them dancing and bouncing around for a good 5-10 minutes
and won't see them again. Where did they go? Oh, to the pack of "Sir
Bopper-lots." These are what I call "Wayne Gretzky" dancers (those who
follow hockey will understand that joke--even though I hate hockey).
- Ghetto Booty (related to: Freakers)
With
great "freaking" usually branches out "ghetto booty" shaking. Beyonce
is a perfect example of this type of dancing. These dancers dance like
their buttocks are made of J-E-L-L-O (poodin'!). Not afraid to flaunt
it, they're usually a center of attention with many drooling guys
staring along with their jealous girlfriend ready to smack five across
the eye. PAP!
- Deathrow
Although you may think they're being electrocuted by 20,000 volts
running through their body, they're actually attempting to dance. I've
only seen White people perform such acts which is a mystery, no? (HAH!)
Legend tells us that deathrow dancers are the new craze ever since it's
all the rage in the durrty durrty South.
Random Photo of the Day
Canon s230
(Taken inside the club. Sneak, sneak, sneak)
Shakin' booties on the dance floor--except for one thing, they're Asian--not much to shake.
Degrading Sports Photo of the Day
Judo chop!
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