| | Bastardly Things to Do As a Parent.
It's inevitable. Whether you're from the most Christian family (only after marriage!), or one-child-only China, you're going to have kids--if you're from the durrty-durrty souff, or the snore-bore midwest, you probably have one right now. But why do kids have all the fun? Parents need some entertainment besides golf with the boss, and bedroom antics with the wife. Here's a list of things that can make the most of your parenthood:
- Make your child learn a foreign language for all the selfish reasons as to visit that particular country you've been dying to vacation at.
- Change his/her birthday as close to Christmas as possible (bonus points if it lands on the 25th) to reap the benefits of only having to purchase fewer gifts each year.
- Constantly scare him/her in their sleep. We're talking hockey mask, chainsaw rumbling, the whole nine yards.
- During their 3rd grade school play, set up a poker game with nearby dads. Bet your childs virginity with each other to make it interesting.
- When the family pet dies, don't flush it, make it into a pillow case. Who said you have to say goodbye forever, right?
- A visit to the doctor or dentist counts as a vacation.
Degrading Sports Photo of the Day
 Defense? How about some deodorant?
Oooh...another free ipod! |
| | Posted 1/9/2006 4:17 PM - 133 comments
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