| | MOTHERF*CKING REVIEW OF SNAKES ON A PLANE!
With this site, it comes with the great responsibility of informing the readers of exciting news, inspirational ideas, and goddamn motherf*cking good movies. Now, I'm sure you've all heard of Snakes on a Plane. If you haven't, allow me to walk over to your front door, knock on it, wait for you to open it, followed by my big Asian hand smacking you 3 times (for good luck) across the face and move on with our lives. I'll say this once (maybe), Snakes on a Plane is the best damn movie of the year! Hell, maybe the past 5 years! I know that's saying a lot, but this movie now holds a special place in my heart, and it will for you when gather your friends and march on over to the theaters to see it. You won't be disappointed.
 If this doesn't make you laugh, I don't know what will.
A movie that spits out the whole movie's plot through its title is one with big balls. Balls that only Samuel L. Jackson can bear. He played a great role in this film. I loved him. The audience loved him. And by god, he may have loved himself more than a gay steward; which coincidentally, they feature in this movie, along with all the stereotypical passengers on a plane: the horny newlyweds, the crying baby with mother, the foreigner, and blonde bimbo to boot. A masterful recipe for success.
 "HOLY CRAP! I broke a nail!"
Watching this overly-hyped movie, you can't expect much out of it. You go in with an open mind, and take things as they, despite how outrageous and unbelievable they are because that's what makes this movie so wonderful. One thing that made this so great was the audience. They knew what they were in for and so did you. All the lines and violent actions of Sam Jackson were followed by applause and cheers. Deaths of random characters and "sad" death scenes were the cue for obnoxious hooting. It's like being a part of a sitcom audience--a very odd sitcom at that.
The film failed to be frightening, suspenseful or dramatic but accidentally succeeded in being absolutely hilarious. The movie couldn't be more ridiculous if one of the snakes actually flew the plane while wearing a junior-sized pilot's cap with a cigar in its mouth. It has '70s-style plot holes you could drive a Hummer through, plus a "soundtrack" that rivals the music you heard in the elevator you took going to work.
 He smells a goddamn good burger.
Some memorable lines:
"I was hoping you'd be the sky candy on this flight,"
"Who's your daddy now, bitch?"
"Get this f---ing snake off my ass!"
Some lines are great because they've never been used before "Time is tissue", others because they're overused "I need you to be strong".
Snakes on a Plane may very well be what you need this summer for some great laughs with friends and perhaps a random stranger sitting next to you in the theater. Not meant to be taken seriously, this movie entertains. So watch out for the sequels! Rats in a Restaurant, Spiders in a Car, Bees in the Basement... sorry, I got carried away, but so will Hollywood after SOAP slithers its way to box office mega bucks.
Bonus: Here are a few games you can play while watching SOAP!
1) Predict how far into the movie Samuel Jackson cusses. Person that guesses closest to the minute wins!
2) Guess how many parts of the body a snake can bite. Trust me, I thought I've seen it all too.
3) Whenever someone on screen says "snakes", you say "plane." "SNAKE!" "PLANE!" "SNAKES" "PLANE!"...etc. |
| | Posted 8/19/2006 4:25 PM - 98 comments
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