learn from mistakes.hm..i really don't know if i should be talking about this right here, but here it is. i never thought that id write anything like this. oh well. NOTE: this is written from a girls perspective, so its basically about me and a boy. still, i think it could be helpful to guys too, and if they do read it, switching the he/him to she/her (etc) will be useful. so... three weeks ago, i broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months. when i did though, i assumed that we would get back together; wow, i was so wrong. i told him that i thought that we should get back together, but he disagreed because he thought it wouldnt work out since we constantly got into stupid fights towards the end of our relationship. nevertheless, even if the topic was a dumb disagreement, it doesnt change the fact that we got in arguments often. plus, these arguments were a result of much larger issues we failed to talk over. i regret many things i did and said, but those are in the past. i wish i could do something about it, but there's not much i can change. i can only improve myself to be a better person. so anyways, i think it was last sunday, i finally had to accept that i had to move on. it was so hard. i tried to keep in my head that i can't always get what i want, and that i was being selfish when i wanted to get back together with him. we both probably knew that we would have to settle matters before getting back together. i still don't know if we'll ever be back in that stage. its all in god's hands. for now though, i have to understand that we wont; i can't get stuck in unrealistic hope. one thing that i wish is to have had another previous boyfriend so i would know how to deal with major issues. then our recent relationship might have not been as chaotic after we broke up. this guy was my first actual boyfriend, and it sucks that it was. if i was more understanding/experienced, i might have known how to deal with issues and what to do/what to not do at the right times. i always thought that marrying your first boyfriend was idealistic.* i still do, but now i understand that you can learn from broken relationships. im not saying everyone should have dozens of boyfriends before they get married, but seriously, you learn from mistakes. i definately did this time. (*no, i didnt expect to marry him. its just my ideal.) also, i want to praise god for working with me all the way. now that i think of it, maybe will and i's personalities didn't match. maybe we werent meant to stay together longer than 5 months. maybe god provided the good times and the challenges just so i wouldn't screw up any future relationships. i want to let god take full control, and this is what i get. it may not be easy to accpet, but god knows what he's doing, and thats probably why we broke up. because god planned it to be that way. maybe the relationship we had was getting too out of hand. also, i think god challenged me by mentioning to me that there are other girls for will. it was at first really agonizing, but that helped me understand that i have to move on. this sounds really cheesy, but i want to remember this: if i truly care for the other person, then i should wish for the best of their interests. if i didnt, that would be pretty selfish. this way, we could preserve the friendship we had minus the boyfriend/girlfriend part. its a lot easier for me to accept this idea now. i hope it means that i actually care for this guy. oh, one thing im glad i realized early on in the relationships is to never say "i love you" without meaning it. i honestly never said that to him. anyway, let me explain what my idea of love is. then ill elaborate on why you shouldn't say it to the opposite sex in a commited relationship when you're unsure of it. SO: to me, love is not really a feeling; its more of a commitment. it could be between family, friends, and a future spouse. like i love my mom and my dad, but that doesn't mean i want to...go out with them or anything. i love them because we have a bond together. it used to really bug me in middle school when girls and guys would say to each other, "i love you" the day they started going out. i really think its more than that. anyway, im glad i never said that phrase to will. i liked him a lot, and it was in the process of getting into an "i love you." it just never got there. thats why i never said it. i would've said it if i was sure. i dont want people to think i never said it because he wasn't important to me. he was. very. i just didnt want to hurt his feelings if i said that without fully understanding the consequences. saying "i love you" comes with expectations. for example, after we broke up, if i thought that i was in love, i would get stuck on it and not be able to get over him easily. in fact, it would take quite a while to let go of the emotional baggage. even between friends, too. when you say "i love you" to a best friend and really meant it, it would come with an expectation. your friend will probably assume that you'll always be there for her. and if you're not, you will crush her. im not saying "i love you" is bad because its not. its part of our youth culture to say "i love my car" or "i love you, (name)!" im only saing that everyone should consider the consequences of "i love you"s in every commited relationship. plus, it feels really good when you tell someone "i love you" when you really mean it. its very rewarding when someone says it to you too. anyway, i learned much about being mature through this. i hate how im feeling right now, and although this is hard to accept, im glad i didnt have to deal with this later in our relationship. if it lasted for another 6 months, it would be MUCH harder to get over will. i should and i will wish for the best of him, that he'll be happy. i would hate to see him with another girl, but if that makes him happy, then fine. at least we'll still be good friends. if i never came to this conclusion, maybe i would have disliked him for the rest of my life. that would be a true loss. 5+ months spent getting to know each other would truly be a waste, if we stopped talking. it may take months or years until im totally okay with this, but im glad i realized this. i can move on and focus on aspects of my life that i ignored in the past few months. i can start catching up with old friends and focus on making myself a better person, inside and out. the only problem left is to talk it out with will. itll take a little more time to figure out exactly what i want, and what/how to tell him. i want to try to be optimistic about this. and summer is a good time to move on because there's lots of fun distractions. honestly, this situation sucks and i miss him a lot. but i have to rembmer to look at it in a larger scope. (i hope i got my point clear..) here are some verses that i need to keep in mind: this one is my favorite verse. ive always remind myself of this ever since the beginning of this year. i think this helped me to focus on the positive aspects of will and i's ended relationship. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phillipians 4:6) the next two helped me to wish for the best for will. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phillipians 2:4) this one's a little redundant, but i like reading this verse when a relationship fails: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) (kind of confusing because i said that i never "loved" will, but i meant i never "loved" him as a boyfriend. it was definately in the process of it. but i still would love him as a friend... i dont really know how to reword this, but i think i can love someone as just a friend. friendship is much more valuable than a potentially destructive relationship.) | 
