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| so wow, its been so long since i have done anything on xanga! i guess its because, it always gets me in trouble. i always seem to write on this damn thing when my emotions are heightened so i always say things i dont really mean. anyway...things are good, life is great...im ready for spring break...just to chill if anything. im listening to my notorious BIG cd and its great...really loud. ahhh, its best when its loud. im wanting a bit of vodka right now. im bored and i dont want to do homework. i kinda wanna see how it tastes spiked in starbucks...hmm, i dont know if thats the best idea, but why not give it a try? tomorrow is thursday which doesnt really count and then its friday...the weekend. thank god! my mom is coming up to help me look for apartments. yes...it will be nice to have a place i can actually call home instead of the stupid dorms. savannah is having her toga party and at first i wasnt really wanting to go because i felt bad leaving my mom at night alone and because i drank so much last weekend, the idea made my stomach churn...but now im back to my old self and ready for a party on wednesday! anyway...im off now. peace | | |
| well i was watching the news and some guy was shot by some people who were hijacking his car. it was sad because its mothers day and his mom was on the news all sad. it made me sad. i have been thinking. i need to take action! there are all these things that i want to change in the world...big things and i dont know how to go about doing them, but i decided i need to find away to voice myself because they are important things, at least they are to me. sometimes i just feel so hopeless with the world because its so sad so much of the time. not that its not happy. i just feel like i need to do my part to make it better. i feel like i have no role in society. i want to do something to make it better. i took my mom out to dinner tonight and to a movie. we had such a good time and she bought me some clothes on mothers day. it was so nice. it made me feel special because mothers day is her day. shes such a good mom. im lucky to have her. i got some cute skirts even though i didnt want to buy anything, the gaining weight is really starting to get to me. i had no clothes because my other ones dont fit anymore. i have some stretch marks on my arms now. i used to not have them and thats a sign that my skin cant handle the fat that is expanding it...or at least that would be a logical assumption i could make from it. the thing is, im just too meloncoly to do anything about it. i guess i need to pull my head out of my ass. but that seems to be a constant problem with me. im always thinking about myself and feeling sorry for me, when there is a lot more to worry about then my problems. they arent that bad anyway. its good im going to peru this summer. maybe it will get my own selfish mind off of me and focus on something that really matters, people who have real problems. | | |
| well i went out to dinner tonight with jade and savannah and it was a lot of fun. we went to carrabas and then we went and saw a lot like love...which i didnt really want to see, but it ended up being so good! we had a lot of fun. i have my french final tomorrow, which i guess i should have studied for tonight, but i was up all last night studying for it, so i figured i could go out tonight to take a breather. tomorrow, i get to go home and im glad for that. today was my last day with the kids and they all hugged me and i almost started crying, which was embarassing because mrs banks was looking at me and i didnt want to cry in front of her. i was able to hold it all in though. well i guess i ought to go study some more. goodnight | | |
| so my hours are totally screwed up and i stayed up all night. the good thing is, i studied french the whole time whil savannah worked on her paper. it was kinda fun. we watched the amazing race..i love that show and we went to the caf because they had late night breakfast for finals. it was good. i got to eat doughnuts and sugary things and then it made me sick...but it was still worth it. i went to target today and bought my mom her mommys day present. i hope she likes it. its this new bedding that i think she needs and i know she likes it because she told me. i just dont know if she would have rather had something different...oh well...its the thought right? im kinda worried because neamas grandma is in the hospital because she has some lumps on her spine and they think its cancer. he went to go see her today and i havent heard from him, so i dont know if shes going to be okay. hes had a very stressful time lately and i feel bad for him. well i guess im going to try and make myself sleep. tootles | | |
| well i have one final down and i think it went pretty well. there were only a few things i forgot...or im hoping so because last time i thought i would get an a, but i got a b. i hope this one isnt like that. thursday, i have my french final and then im free at last. im worried about french because there are a katrillion vocab words i need to remember and im not so good at listening comprehension because i cant seem to pronounce the word. i can do the grammar and write in paragraphs, but the whole speaking thing just isnt working our for me. im getting ready to go to lunch with savannah and i want caitlin to come with us but she hates the caf and shes sleeping. she had the final with me earlier today too. i wonder how it went for her. she finished quick, but she always does. shes amazing...her memory is like phorographic or something...maybe i should have her take my french final. she could look at the vocab words like once and know them. its amazing..anyway...i hope they have something tasty at the caf, but i bet im out of luck on that one. i cant wait until this summer to be active for one....to have a life outside of studying. ill be able to take scooty on walks, to jog in the mornings, and work out with out feeling exhausted. its really sad that im excited for summer for movement, but its true. i cant wait to hop in the pool and get a tan! i miss being tan and being in the sun. i really want to go back to flordia so badly! that was such a good trip. i had the best time. i think i might retire there or move there sometime. its so great there. i miss hayley a lot. its like everything i think of makes me think of the three of us. i have a feeling this summer is going to be a lot different. well im off to lunch! | | |
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