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    What's up everyone. Well I am just going to say goodbye. I am going to move to Pheonix. I don't think that I will be coming back, but it's all good. I wish everyone the best of luck, and I really do hope that yall have good lives. To all the girls who have guys, I wish the best, and to all the guys who have girls, treat them good.

    Remember yall, life is such a beautiful thing, as long as you treat it as a beautiful thing. The more pain you cause, the more it will come back to you one day. Peace out yall, I'll always be here if any of my homies need anything, much love yall. Plz take care.

Love always

-------Sunshine------

Mat Troi Sang

Hikari

Well today is my b-day. Isn't the best. It's more scary then anything. The people who I thought were there, seem to be nothing more than meager shadows. It doesn't really effect me. Just makes me think haha. To the homies woh are there for me. Thank you. I really do appriciate it. Yall have much love from me. you know you do. Well nothing really to say. I'm now an adult that's about it. I already miss being under 18. Take care yall. Bye bye

-----Sunshine-----

Mat TRoi Sang

Tai Yo

It's so weird, I was talking to someone abuot my brother-in-law, and she told me something that actually got me to smile. I am just trying to bet there for him and be what he needs. He is probably going to go to Belize, and then come back if he can. I pray for him, I don't belive in organized religion. I believe in a god, I dont' know which is right, but I pray to whoever there is, to help him.

 He told me the other day, that he wants me to focus on myself and not him. He told me that I can't ruin myself for him, because that would make him feel so much worst. So right now, I promised I would focus on my life. It lead to the question, "Why am I so lonely" I can't seem to find the courage to tell the one that I care about, that I care about her. I will not take forever, I know that I won't wait forever, I will wait until the moment is right. It is al just timing, and the truth. IF it doesn't work, then i will understand and I swear it wont' chage me.

So while I was thinking abuot all of this, I found this song, and it completely tells how I feel. I hope that this works out. I hope that even if I don't get her, that she is happy and that i can go on happy as well. If it does work though, i really do hope that we can have something truly special. I can only hope for now

"What If"

I ran into a friend of yours the other day
And I asked her how you've been
She said my girl is fine; just bought a house, got a job, real good man
I told her I was glad for you; that's wonderful
But does she ever ask `bout me?
She said she's happy with her life right now
Let her go, let her be
And I told myself I would, but something in my heart just would not let you go
I just wanna know

[Chorus:]
What if we were wrong about each other?
What if you were really made for me?
What if we was `sposed to be together?
Would that not mean anything?
What if that was `sposed to be my house that you go home to every day?
How can you be sure that things are better?
If you can't be sure your heart is still here with me
Still wanting me

Your friend asked me if there was someone special in my life that I was seeing
I told her there was no one in particular
There's just I, myself, and me
I told her that I dream of you quite often
She just cut her eyes at me
She said you got a home, you're very happy
So just stop your meddling
I told her that I won't
I said things were cool, but I guess I was wrong
I still can't move on

[Chorus]

Now that could be my car
That could be my house
That could be my baby boy that you're nursing
That could be the trash that I always take out
That could be the chair that I love to chill in
That could be my food on the table at the end of the day
Hugs and the kisses, all the love we make
What the hell do you expect me to say?
What if it's really `sposed to be this way?
What if you're really `sposed to be with me?

----Sunshine----

    Well my brother in law was told that he is going to die today. There is nothing that i can do. I told the Dr. I would give him anything and everything that I had to make sure that he lives. They said that it would just be pointless. I am going to try and give him alot of my blood platlets. They said that it is going to hurt because they are going to have to recycle my blood into him, but personally I don't care.

    This is the worst feeling in the world. I always want to smile, I always want to make it so the people I love dont' get hurt, but now, there is NOTHING that I can do.

    Everyone cries here, everyone sheds tears, everyone pours there hearts out, and I can't seem to even shed one single tear. I want to I REALLY do, it's just it won't come. I dont' know if that is my curse for the pain that I have put upon people, or if it is just who I am, but I don't like it at all. I love him so much. He is a part of my family. As far as I am concerned he is my family. It's not the blood that ties us together, it's the love that supports that blood. He may not be what I am, and I may not be what he is, but he is still a part of my family. He always will be. He took care of my nephew and he took care of my sister. He was a good man. He was someone that we accepted, and now it seems like we have to say goodbye, even though he is so young. He is only 20 years old. Why does god take the people that don't go. I know that I have caused more pain the he ever will. I know that I have hurt more people then he would ever dream, and he is the one who is told he is going to die soon. They dont' know when he is goign to die, but the Dr. said that he should go and write a Will. He should get ready to die, that is what they told me.

This one is for you Anthony Elliot. We love you homeboy. I know that none of my homies really know you, but if they knew who you were to me, then they would shed tears, and would flood the world. I promise I will never give up. I will try to save you, even if it kills me. I swear that upon everything that I love. I promise

------Sunshine-----