I can't believe its already October. Can the year really only have two months left? So much has happened in the last ten months...it feels like everything that I've held onto, beliefs I've carried for years, dreams that have been hidden inside and the life inside of me has all come really alive in the last ten months.

Do people really go through their whole life without really feeling alive? This whole year has felt like a pursuit for things that will really make the heart God has given me come alive.

I really love the beauty of clouds in the sky. Especially the mixture of dark clouds and light clouds, the contrast between the stormy sky and the clear sky behind. It always amazes me to see the sun rays peeking behind the darkest storm clouds. I don't think the sky is always so beautiful as it is during these times and I can't help but wonder if life is the same. Life couldn't be as beautiful if it didn't have the dark clouds mixed with the light. If there was never the darkest clouds for the coming sun to shine behind, it simply wouldn't be as amazing. If there was never the rain in life, how could our hearts grow?

Its really crazy to look at certain people in my life and see the vast amounts of threads that God has used to connect our lives. Its encouraging because I can trust. I can trust that everything isn't lost because of selfish mistakes. I can trust that it isn't over, even if there was drifting. I'm kind of excited to see how God will pull everything together in the end, in a way that weaves all the hard days and precious memories together.

At this stage in my life I am just plain excited. It feels like my heart is more awake and alive and just released from all that was weighing it down before. Recently I have just been constantly surprised and overjoyed to see the beauty of how God works in my life, especially in the timing of all things. Its crazy to me how the things I thought I wanted really just came from setting my eyes on the limited picture, I was really missing the richness and fullness that comes from waiting.

Life isn't about holding back your heart and protecting yourself from all that might hurt it, its about offering it in the different forms that friendships take. To love someone, just in the basic sense of love, you have to offer your heart. And with each hurt it overcomes, it becomes stronger and more alive.

How thankful I am that I am no longer on that brink that I felt so unstable on earlier. The haze is floating away and I'm starting to see clearly again. God really does have perfect timing for everything, He never asks us to give Him something that He will not replace with something infinitely better. And it is completely safe to trust Him with all my desires, because it is He who made me who I am.