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| Do you remember when we used to sing?On my life I'll try today,
There’s so much I've felt I should say.
But even if your heart would listen,
I doubt I could explain
... It's not that we don't talk
It’s just no one really listens...
Alone! Alone!
From a lesser known I'm here
and there's hope, there's hope.
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
And so much regret
Time is forgiving so let it go
Because you're gonna find out
When it all comes down
That we were better off when we were
Ignorant and dreaming on Starlight Drive. | | |
| Fantasy******Disclaimer******
If you haven't seen Pirates Three this post will probably mean absolutely nothing to you.
So last weekend or the weekend before that , (My memory is escaping me at an alarming rate) I saw Pirates Three for the second time with TJ & Ethan. Afterwards I found the movie just as enjoyable as the first time, and I started to wonder why so many people I know have said that didn't like it. I've heard people say they thought it was: "unoriginal, unrealistic, hard to follow, too long," and the like. But I really don't understand why anybody got that after seeing it. Granted, I'll give everybody that the second movie in the series was lame, but I don't think that's altogether uncommon in a trilogy. (& good gosh POTC better just be a trilogy)
The "hard to follow," and "unoriginal" critiques are a bit subjective, but I personally don't really agree with either of them. Particularly the idea that it's hard to follow, I saw it twice and didn't have problems either time.... It's amazing what paying attention can do.
But I simply can't fathom why anybody would say that a movie in a trilogy about pirates being cursed with immortality and turning into skeletons in the moonlight, a sea goddess trapped in the form of a human, or the existence of a pirate who's supposed to ferry dead souls to their resting place while his heart is in a chest, is unrealistic. DUH. News Flash: fantasy movies aren't bound to reality, they will never be realistic. Ever. Or they will cease to be "fantasy" movies.
I went into the theater expecting a cheesy, somewhat predicable, actionish flick and was completely satisfied. While I'm definitely sick of the whole trilogy, and johnny depp's ugly pirate face, I can't say that I didn't enjoy Pirates Three.
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| ComplicationsDeep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me
a prayer to the God of my life.
(Psalm 42: 7-8)
I wish I was better at remembering that during my day to day problems. I've kind of been in denial most of this year, and I'm starting to feel the repercussions. In reality, this year has been the most taxing experience of my life; every day is another crisis, and now it's catching up to me. I've never really had to deal with this much disappointment at once, it's as if perhaps I hadn't quite been living in reality, and then all at once it was looking me square in the face. In addition, it seems like every single aspect of my life has been sub-par this year: my faith lacking, my grades slipping, debate sucking, basketball and officiating fading fast, and I feel like I can see myself changing as a person. (Some good, & more than I'd like bad)
I know that this is what I should be doing: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3: 5-6) But it's just so much easier said than done.
It's so complicated, on so many different levels, but I've realized that I have so much growing left to do. I think I've had trouble accepting my age and immaturity, particularly with so many of my friends so close to leaving for college. I still have three YEARS left of highschool, I still think like a 15 year old, I still have little kid problems, and the truth is, I'm just a child often misguided.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
(Psalm 139: 23-24) | | |
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All of life is a coming home. Salesmen, secretaries, coal miners, beekeepers, sword swallowers, all of us. All the restless hearts of the world, all trying to find a way home. It's hard to describe what I felt like then. Picture yourself walking for days in the driving snow; you don't even know you're walking in circles. The heaviness of your legs in the drifts, your shouts disappearing into the wind. How small you can feel, and how far away home can be. Home. The dictionary defines it as both a place of origin and a goal or destination. And the storm? The storm was all in my mind. Or as the poet Dante put it: In the middle of the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood, for I had lost the right path. Eventually I would find the right path, but in the most unlikely place.
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| I always hated making entries about debate, I assume it's because it consumes so much of my life that I don't like seeing it take over xanga too. (Even though xanga is practically dead) But nevertheless, I've had so many people asking me about Florida that I figured I should probably just post about it.
For those of you who don't know the story, Ethan and I went 3-3 in both Georgia and North Carolina, so we decided to go to Florida for one last shot at qualifying for regionals. It was an interesting tournament to say the least, and we debated some pretty good teams, but felt good about most of our rounds. We ended up being 3-3 again losing both our powermatched rounds. But this is what I find the most baffling:
(These were the full reasons for decision in the rounds we lost:)
Round 2: vs. Larson/Scofield:
"Though the negative team (us) showed amazing enthusiasm and compassion for their position, the "too fast" delivery and consequent gestures became a major distraction. This was an excellent effort on the part of both teams."
Round 5: vs. Larson/Scofield: (again, gotta love powermatching)
"The affirmative team (us) laid out a strong comparative advantage case using net benefits, but lacked any evidence that there is a significant problem in the status quo."
Round 6: vs. MinchinJ/MullaneyK
"Negative (us) brought up points that should have been in constructives."
[rounds 2 & 6 say that word for word, and in 5 I was paraphrasing, but that's what it basically said.]
Just to quickly clarify, I feel that I should say that both Larson/Scofield and MinchinJ/MullaneyK are wonderful teams, and I fully expect them both to do extremely well. But what is so heartbreaking about this is that we found out after the tournament that despite our 3-3 record, we ended up being 9th seed, while eight teams broke to quarters. But interestingly enough, this kind of thing has been happening to us all year. We seemed to come within an inch of success only to be disappointed at nearly every tournament.
But as disheartening as this all sounds, I actually think it may just be the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's clear to me that God was trying to show me something, and I think I've figured out a few of my faults that were exacerbated by debate in general. But there were two major faults that really became clear to me as I was reflecting on the year.
The first is that I really think I had become far too dependent on my own abilities. I would go through periods were I was the only thing on my mind, and I seemed to always think I could just work my way into or out of anything if I just tried hard enough. But I've come to realize that no matter how hard I work, or how much I try, I'll NEVER be successful until I'm able to just trust in God, and let him work things out. (Isaiah 40:28-35)
But then the other thing that I figured out, which slightly bothered me, is that I think I've kind of been losing sight of why I even bother debating. I was thinking about it in the car today, and I realized that I wanted to go to regionals for two reasons: because I love debate and want to debate as much as possible, but I also figured out that I was embarrassed about the fact that we might not qualify, but the more I think about that, the more arrogant it sounds. I seemed to be more concerned with my reputation as a debater than the way I thought about and treated other people, which is just wrong. But it reminds of this Thomas Paine quote:
(I don't agree with everything he says, but I love this)
"Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us."
I honestly believe I let my concern over my reputation overshadow my attempts to develop my character, and I'm so grateful that my eyes have been opened. But in addition to this, it really was a great debate year. I've learned SO much about international relations, and I find it all fascinating. So all and all, I think everything worked out the way it was supposed to. But I also wanted to thank everybody who called, and emailed me this week. Everybody has been so incredibly encouraging, and I feel so blessed to have such amazing friends.
This is the correlation of salvation and love
(Don't drop your arms)
Don't drop your arms; I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in
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