I can't believe how much time has flown. Little Bridgette has continued to take all my time, but the last 2 days have been much better.. she has slept during the day for a two hour stretch the past 2 days, and instead of going to sleep of a night at around 10:30 / 11pm, she has slept for the past 3 nights from 7. She still wakes up during the night wanting a feed, but I am no longer feeding her overnight, to try to encourage her to sleep through. She is a blessing beyond my wildest dreams. She absolutely completes me.. she has a way of filling a void that I never even realised existed. My every goal, my every dream, my entire personality has changed because of her. With startling results. For example, ever since having her, I have been able to re-establish a fantastic friendship with an old bf, without any romantic feelings or reidual effects from the relationship whatsoever. We each have a daughter, so we are able to compare stories, and chat better now than we did for the most part of our doomed relationship. I do regret that I have not been able to do the same with another old flame. I must admit, I really do miss a friendship with him. Actually, because I went to wagga, I lost touch with all but 2 of my sydney friends. Then when I came back, those 2 moved interstate. So now I have no friends left in sydney. With Bridgette taking up so much of my time, I haven't been able to make new friends. So occasionally I feel so terribly lonely. Like tonight. Kevin has gone out with some friends, and is staying overnight again, and he keeps saying to me to do the same. But I have noone to go out with!! Lol. Ah well, I shouldn't complain. I think it's just the movie I'm watching putting me in a melancholy mood (an affair to remember - one of my favourite classics) Anyway, I do have bridgette. She's a darling. It's amazing - the maternal bond pales any other kind of love. All else is significant. Now I understand why women with children always seem to talk about nothing else but their kids...  nothing else seems to matter so much.

Oh, and another unexpected result of motherhood, that I never imagined would happen in a million years... I have gone from a rather carefree attitude regarding personal danger.. I used to think that if something bad should happen to me then it wouldn't really matter - it would in fact solve a whole host of problems. So I didn't really care about what happened to me. But ever since having Bridgette, I have become so sickeningly aware of my mortality. I have flown 4 times since, and each time I have had an acute anxiety attack. I also have nightmares on average 4-5 nights a week (the longest run was 12 nights in a row, less than a month ago), each time dying of a different cause. Hopefully that will subside over time.

Anyway, I had better go - the movie is getting to the sad bit...

Will write again as soon as possible

Sorry it's been s long, but I have been busy beng a mum!!! Yes, on Friday, July 28th I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. We named her Bridgette Lily Dawn, and she was 3.53kg at birth and 54cm long (fancy that, someone as short as me having such a long baby!!!)

The birth was perfect - 11hrs from when I woke up with 2-minutely contractions, and the pushing phase lasted almost 3 hrs (quite long) which gave my body time to adjust to everything, and as such I didnt suffer a single tear, so I didn't need any cuts or stitches. I'm a very very very lucky girl!!

Being a mum is wonderful, but bridgette does suffer from a fair bit of colic (lots and lots of wind) so she cries A LOT. That, I must admit, has been a little hard to deal with, because there is nothing I can do to fix it.. all I can do is walk her around the house trying to comfort her as best as I can. The worst part is that kevin has hurt his back, and even just changing her nappy causes him great pain. So I have TWO people to look after... There have been times where I have been stood in the kitchen breastfeeding bridgette, whilst preparing kev's and my dinner, or I'll be elbow-deep in the sink doing dishes and bouncing bridgette in the bouncer with my foot... But hopefully kev will be able to get in for surgery this side of xmas, so he'll be able to help more around the house when she is bigger and crawling around being a nuisance!!

Anyway, I dont have much time, better go.. I've been feeding bridgette while I type, but now she's done so I had better start our dinner. Will hopefully be able to rite more soon.

Well, 4 and a half weeks to go... Bub almost came last monday night!! We were moving everything to our new house (well, kev and everyone who helped us did.. I actually went to work during the actual move..) and then cleaning the old apartment, and my contractions started coming regularly, just under 1/2 apart. That kept going for a few hours, but luckily bub calmed down and it all stopped.

So we are in our new house now, and bub's still where it should be, and I'm currently back to my usual activity of avoiding studying for my upcoming exam!! I have an exam tomorrow night, and it's the hardest of them all. Worst of it is that I have missed a lot of classes for it, and I have little to no idea of any of the topics in it. The saddest thing is that I have a 100% average for this particular subject so far, (100% in each of my exams and assignments etc.. to date) .. and if I stuff up this exam tomorrow, it'll wreck that awesome average!!

Ah well, I guess I should get studying. Last exam.. god I hope it goes okay.... Then i can just concentrate on bub. My cute little bubba!!

Right now I'm supposed to be packing boxes to move into our new place tomorrow, and all I'm doing is sitting here playing around on the net. I swear, its so hard to get motivated and actually do anything right now. Its too hard to bend over, I can't lift anything heavy (and of course, anything I want is always under the heaviest box) and I just can't be bothered. My hubby is out to dinner with work colleagues and friends after a big day at the races, so its just me and the pussy cat here tonight. I'm hungry, but getting up off the lounge and going to the shop for dinner is WAY too much effort!! Lol. But what can you expect - I have only got 5 wks and 6 days til I'm due!! I can't wait to have the bub. I've been wanting this such a long time.. it seems like forever.. I look over the last few yrs, and all I can think of is that my whole life seems to be starting right now. Nothing that has happened before this matters. I have been wanting this so long, and finally it's almost here. Especially after all the trouble I've had. Nothing else matters. NoONE else matters. I'm gunna be a mum.

I'm gunna be a mum!