It seems that some have questioned the legality of Captain Exciting's new enterprise, which aims to help lonely people who would like to meet others at the expense of money (as opposed to shame and embarrassment).  Captain Exciting would like to stress that hospitality consulting is:

1) Good for the community.  See, Captain Exciting's new enterprise aims to add joy to people's lives.  Those people are part of the community.  So when their lives are improved, the community benefits.

2) Good for the economy.  Everyone knows lonely people don't go out at night and spend money on a nice takeout dinner or a pay-by-the-hour motel.  So how do we get their money back in the community?Lonely Lovers is a non-profit organization in which all the profits goto the employees and Captain Exciting.  The employees of Lonely Lovers stimulate the community's economy by taking money away from lonely people and putting it back into the pockets of street corner pharmaceutical entrepreneurs, for instance.

3) Good for the community.  Since Lonely Lovers is good for the community's economy, it's good for the community.

4) Good for the community.  Since Lonely Lovers is good for the community, then it is good for the community.

Please direct any further complaints to the Lonely Lover hotline, 1-900-HOT-DATE.

Captain Exciting has decided to add a picture of himself to the site in order to make your web experience more personable.  To the left is a rare class picture from senior year.  Look at Captain Exciting's kind eyes and glowing smile.  This could be the picture of your new boss!  The choice is yours!

As emperor of the Lonely Lovers hospitality consulting company, Captain Exciting has decreed that all employees will now engage in weekly duels.

Instead of leaving employees to wonder when they will get that next raise, Captain Exciting has designed a revolutionary new system that allows employees to see exactly where they stand at the end of every week.  This system, also known as Fatal Fridays, is directly correlated to an employee's pay scale.  Employee's who outperform their coworkers in their weekly evaluations will advance in their careers and quickly work their way to the top of Lonely Lovers.

Captain Exciting has decided to open Fatal Fridays to the public, as a testament to the greatness and unrelenting objectivity showcased by Lonely Lovers.  (Entrance fee $20.  Attendance subject to completed waiver and power of attorney forms.)  This week Candy and Bambi will be applying for the newly appointed shogun position!

Until next time friends!

Captain Exciting is disappointed.  Where are you?  That's right...YOU!  You're fun and outgoing...you like to meet new people (like lonely people)...you like the thrills of entertaining guests in an openminded fashion...and what about a $1.99/hour just for being yourself?!  Captain Exciting's exciting new service, Lonely Lovers is looking for you to help make a difference in someone's life.  Are you that capable, determined, and limber individual that's up to the challenge?!

Ok Captain Exciting would like to clarify something.  Applicants for Captain Exciting's hospitality consulting service, Lonely Lovers, have been wondering why Captain Exciting charges $19.99/hr and up and they only get $1.99/hr.  You see the explanation for this is very long and complicated.

You see Captain Exciting only gets $.25/hr from his business.  It's practically charity!  So where does all the money go?  Taxes, maintaining business contacts, the expensive process of locating lonely individuals.  If they were so easy to find..then why would they be lonely?!  The fact is, Captain Exciting puts his back into this to help you out...how dare you question his good faith?!

Today, Captain Exciting brainstormed ideas that will allow him to become financially independent of the repo man.  After much thought, Captain Exciting is getting into the hospitality consultant business.

Captain Exciting purchased an entire stack of copies of the Washington Post for $.35 and flipped to the classified section where he was able to locate dozens of requests from lonely men and women.  Since these men and women do not have any romantic interests at this time, Captain Exciting felt that they would be well suited as customers of his hospitality consulting company, Lonely Lovers.

Lonely Lovers is about providing love to those who do not own it, but would like to - and are mature enough to understand that love is not for free.  Lonely Lovers provides hospitality consultants starting at a low rate of just $19.99/hour (or double the love for $35.99/hour).  For an additional $9.99, Lonely Lovers will include a complimentary bottle of the finest aged Night Train romantic beverage.

If you or a friend would like to seek employment with Lonely Lovers Hospitality Consulting, send a recent photo, your social security number, credit card information including 3 digit security code (so we can credit your account), and zip code.  We will pay you $1.99/hour, which is barely even enough for Captain Exciting to break even for helping you make love connections.

Hopefully, Captain Exciting's new business endeavor will be as financially rewarding, as it has been spiritually.