Allison took the lead through the dank sewers.  The farther in they pressed, it seemed, the more she could sense Larry ahead of them.  As things got darker, Skipper drew closer to Allison's side.  The two of them had become companions, it seemed.  They had gone through a lot together already.  However, to Allison, Skipper still seemed distant, as though something constantly distracted him.  And of course, being a girl, it was her job to get inside his head and figure out what it was...

Allison: "Skipper?  What're ya thinking about?"

Ok, now you see.  If Allison were a NORMAL girl, she would have approached this question more abstractly.  She might, say, exclaim how this situation disturbed her because it reminded her of the time her dog died and she felt hollow and empty inside, but that now she had moved on.  And she'd quickly follow it up with query of comparison... like, "have you been there?"  Hmm, a little too Chris Brown.  Anyways...  Surely this would lead to some incredible revelation of Skipper's otherwise dormant or shunned vat of male emotion.  The emotional breakdown to inevitably ensue would only bring them that much closer together in this dangerous and uncertain catacomb.  In later months, this internal bond would lead to appreciation, possibly attraction.  And before you know it, there'd be Skipper/Allison babies everywhere... pooping.  And if you thought this paragraph wasn't tedious enough, it's actually a fair representation of the thought process that Allison went through the first three seconds after she said, rather mindlessly, "What're ya thinking about?"

Skipper: "... Nothing."

Allison: "Nothing?"

Skipper: "Um... I don't think so."

Allison: "My brain just wrote like, a short non-fiction about my feelings for you in the time it took to formulate this sentence and you're telling me that you're not thinking about anything???"

Skipper: "Um... is there something wrong with not thinking?"

Allison: "I- Uh... This is way too existential for me.  Hey!  Captain!  Stop giving us such weird conversations in the story!  Where's OUR exposition, huh?  Captain Moron?"

Hmm...  My journal entry seems to be threatening me.

Allison: "C'mon!  Give me a plot point to chew on!  Stop turning our relationship into one giant gender study!"

Sigh...  I think I've been in this cell too long.  (erases something)

Skipper: "Well Allison, I was just thinking about that time when my... pet dolphin... Freddy, died... during the great war... and I lost my legs..."

Allison: "(overcome with empathy) Oh, Skipper.  That's horrib-"

Skipper: "And my face..."

Allison: "Y-your...  Your face?"

Skipper: "Yeah, I actually lost it to the Vietcong... twice."

Allison: "Twice?!"

Skipper: "And once in a chess match.  It was never the same..."

Allison: "So this current face..."

Skipper: "My fourth face, yeah.  I look and the mirror and-  Oh man, I think I feel some emotional dam breaking up...  Here come the waterworks...  Quick- Allison!  Clutch me tight!  I need a love pillow!"

Allison: "I'm here for you, Skipper!"

Skipper: "Have my children!"

Allison: "Okay!  Whee!  This is the best episode ever!"

I be having a migraine.  Don't tell Allison this, but I'm burning this page in five minutes.

Chapter Nine: The Secret of Gapplemead

It would only be a few more minutes, Jack thought to herself.  She leaned back in the chair and put her feet up on Lord Gapplemead's desk.  She held a dagger in her hand and twirled the point of it on her finger.  The captain was imprisoned now.  They had only just finished their 'dinner'.  Ryan was being held in the throne room.  Thomas was dead... again.  And the castle guards were patrolling the streets of Gapplemead looking for Allison and Skipper.  They had surely found them already.

It had been an interesting piece of information that Larry was still missing.  She was sure that Larry had only feigned falling overboard.  If she had known this, she probably wouldn't have even bothered allowing their ship to come into port.  It was now incredibly important that they find Larry and, more importantly, Kim.  The plan was already in motion...

Captain Decrepid: "Er, uh, could you spare a bottle of ink, lassie?"

Jack glanced over at the captain, annoyed.

Captain Decrepid: "Just... ah, writing in this here journal.  I've run out of ink, ya see."

Jack: "It won't be long until you won't need that journal anymore, you old fool."

Captain: "Ar, but I was just getting to a good part, about your plan that already in motion."

Jack: "... What?"

Captain: "By the way, perhaps ye wouldn't mind sharing what that plan was?  It would make me journal a little more accurate..."

Jack: "Shutup."

With a wave of her hand, she shot a fireball that exploded the flower pot that had been resting next to the captain's cell (There, Jenn.  Happy?).

Captain: "My begonias!  You're... EVIL!"

Jack: "Yes... yes, I know."

Jack got up quickly and walked towards the wooden door, possibly because she'd heard a noise.  Slowly, with a look in her eyes of extreme annoyance... she said:

Jack: "Do you have to copy down every tiny thing I do in that journal?!"

Captain: "Sorry.  Just found a spare bottle in me coat pocket (grins)."

Jack: "If Lord Gapplemead didn't need you alive for some reason, I'd have you choked to death this very instant!"

Captain: "Ar, come on.  Admit it.  You fancy my company."

Jack: "There's nothing I detest more!"

Captain: "C'mon, ye got the hots for the ol' captain, don't ye? (makes kissy face)"

Jack: "That's it!  I'm getting one of the Incompetent Guards in here.  I'm tired of dealing with you."

And with that, Jack stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.  Five seconds passed, before she opened the door fiercely again and said:

Jack: "And stop scribbling down everything in that damn book!"

Silence finally came to the room.  The captain glanced over at the pile of ash that was once his pot of begonias.  Sadly, he sighed.

Captain: "Hilda, I swear I'll figure out how to help ye."

Before the new king of darkness rises,
The hero will reveal himself.
Trust in the Triforce, but beware it's power.
One of you will unite us all.

Steev went over the words again and again in his head.  The new king of darkness?  He had no idea what that was about.  But he knew he must be the 'hero', so he started thinking about different ways he should go about 'revealing himself'.

Hmm, Steev thought.  I could buy a cool cape (or steal Larry's).  Yeah, I can see us all facing off against the new king of darkness:

Larry: "Gasp!  It's you!."

Kim: "The new king of darkness!"

Captain Decrepid: "It's impossible!"

New King of Darkness: "Yes!!!  It is I!  Fear and behold my incredible power!  None can challenge me!"

Allison: (wielding a shotgun) "I'll stop him, Captain!"

(Allison quickly explodes in fire.)

Kim screams.

Captain Decrepid: "Hmm... how about you, Skipper?"

Skipper: (wielding a spear) "Excelsior!"

(Skipper turns into a small rabbit)

Captain Decrepid: "Um...  Cooper?"

(Cooper begins to spin in circles, wielding a carrot)

(Skipper chases the carrot)

(Cooper eats the rabbit)

Kim: "Captain, we're doomed!"

Carol: "I'm here for some reason!"

Ryan: "It's the end of everything ever!"

Mysterious Voice: "Not if I have anything to say about it!"

New King of Darkness: (cowering in fear) "Who is that?"

Mysterious Voice: "I... am the terror... that flaps in the night!"

Captain Decrepid: "Hmm... that sounds familiar."

Mysterious Voice: "I am the NPC, that refuses to die after repeated stabs..."

New King of Darkness: "Um... okay, I was intimidated.  Now I'm just confused."

(In an incredible puff of smoke, a giant mech appears in the middle of the room.  Atop the mech, a cape-clad individual stands mightily.)

First Mate Steev: "I am FIRST MATE STEEV!  The Hero of all Time!!!"

Ruby: "WOOF!"

First Mate Steev: "And his sidekick, Ruby, the Wonder Dog!"

All: GASP!

Steev: "... Allison, I thought you were dead?"

Allison: "Nope, still on fire!"

Captain Decrepid: "I thought that JOKE was dead..."

Steev smiled brightly.  Sure, he didn't know what the crap the Triforce was, or why it was someone else that united them all... But who cared!  His part of the prophecy ROCKED!

Kim: "STEEV!"

Steev: "Wha?  Huh?"

Kim: "What are you doing?  Just staring off into space or something?  Insidious's penguin army is back with a vengeance and is packing serious heat!  The Zora's are playing tennis, and the giant eel is STILL trying to eat us!"

Steev glanced outside of the bubble, revealing an army of Zora's performing an underwater musical number.  The eel was singing opera.  The penguins were tap dancing, and Kim's head had suddenly turned into Allison's bagpipes.

Kim: (with a low wheeze) "Wake up, Steev!  Wake up, Steev!"

Oscar kicked Steev in the face.

Steev: "Ow!"

...  Everything came back into focus.

They were in some sort of underground sewer.  The ceiling was covered with a series of pipes and aqueducts running water that dripped onto the Steev's face.

Kim: "You've been out for days..." she sighed.

Oscar: "Yeah, as soon as you turned around and saw that eel you passed out."

Steev: "But... but... my mech!  Ruby!  Bagpipes!"

Oscar: "He's delirious." (kicks him again)

Steev: "Ah!  Stop it!  (getting up)  ... Where are we?"

Larry: "Gapplemead." he sighed.  "It was a three days journey underwater, but with my stone fully charged it was no problem at all."

Steev: "Stone?  What stone?"

Larry slowly unwrapped the chain around his left hand, revealing a blue stone attached to the end of it.

Larry: "The stone of Nayru, an ancient relic of a lost civilization."

Steev: "Is that Loki technology?"

Larry: "No, much more ancient than the Loki."

As Larry rewrapped the chain around his hand, Steev noticed a strange mark on the back of Larry's hand.  It looked something like the shape of a triangle.  Larry quickly pulled his glove back over his hand.

Larry: "Let's go.  We have to see my father as soon as possible.  He'll be able to solve the skeleton creature problem at Deacon."

Steev paused behind them, wondering if Larry's hand had anything to do with this 'Triforce'.

Kim: "C'mon, Steev!"

Steev: "Coming! (to himself)  And so, our valiant hero presses forward.  When will he reveal himself?  We... shall... SEE!"

Captain Decrepid: The Re-Cap Episode

Episode 50 was quite awhile ago.  In fact, I er, haven't been counting as much as I used to.  I picked me'self up a copy of Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day a couple of days ago, and my brain's birthday apparently lies somewhere amidst the mesozoic era.  So, I've been reduced to playing no less than five hours of sudoku per day.  Add that to the fact that apparently I can't count to the number nine (cuz Chapter Eight's been so freaking long) and I'm certain I'll be senile before this whole adventure be through.

I remember, things got so depressing after we left the isle of Guiseppe.  I'm pretty sure that things got 200% less funny/interesting, but nevertheless, me recap continues.  Ruby disappeared.  Anyone remember Ruby?  Ah well, he/she were a good dog.  Ryan popped up alive with Skipper and Allison from some deep caverns.  As I recall, Episode X had quite a few revelations about the spiritual state of our poor Skipper.  It was at this point in the story that we discovered that, not only did Larry have his own island, but he was the son of the Lord of Gapplemead nonetheless.  Steev spit out his Mountain Dew, as I recall.

Suddenly, Carol (a mysterious warrior) appeared from seeming nowhere bearing with her Kim, whom we thought was lost when captured by Hilda-turned-evil-sorcerer-manly-man Jack! 

Jack: "I'm not a man!!!!"

Next, we kicked off a series of very depressing events.  First of all, Kim had lost her memory, calling herself Yesteryear and taking a liking to hitting First Mate Steev with various objects.  Then Skipper and Allison had some sort of falling out, along with Ryan's slow and painful recovery.  Even Cooper, the insane man we keep in a cell, was depressed.  Um... speaking of which... Whatever happened to Cooper when that Squid was breaking me ship in two?

(Just then, somewhere in Gapplemead, a crazy old woman selling hats found herself in the unnaturally shaking arms of the insane man of her dreams. They had five kids and a kitten.  No one questioned the whole kitten thing.  They named the kitten Flamboynga.)

Uh... where was I?  Ah yes, the squid attack!  We already did a whole recap awhile ago about the whole P.O.O.P. thing.  Amidst some backstory concerning Jack and Larry, a squid attacked our ship, commanded by Jack, who for some reason was wearing a sorceress outfit.  (This was also one of the few times that Larry actually READ Captain Decrepid, the schmuck.)  After a fantastic battle, we lost Kim, Larry and Steev to the deep blue something.  (This was written in January 2005, btw)

Now... here's where things get interesting.

After some silly nonsense underwater involving ziploc bags, Larry, Kim and Steev encounter an otter named Oscar and the ruins of a city called Hyrule.  Steev is transported to a kingdom of Zora who ask that he rescue them from timeless space, while Larry uses the magic of Hyrule to restore a blue rock from whence he gets his magical powers.  Now they're being chased by evil Zora, a giant eel, and an inevitable plot twist!

On the other side of the storyline, Skipper and Allison explore the city of Gapplemead until, strangely enough, Allison senses the presence of Larry and they end up in the local sewers.  Also interestingly, newcomer Stephanie runs into Oscar...  Something fishy is going on here.

Also!  Ryan, Thomas, and I have dinner with Larry's father, Lord of Gapplemead.  Strangely, he did not seem to mind the fact that his son was missing.  In fact, he had only planned on capturing us.  What does Gapplemead want?  What does it have to do with Larry?  What's up with Kim/Jack/Carol?  What does it have to do with that prophecy Steev was told?  Where the crap is Ruby?

Which leads us to this... the mysterious EPISODE X.  Where oh where do I begin with this?  Um...  Ah, screw it.  Read it yourself and see if you can make more sense of it now.

http://www.xanga.com/Captain_Decrepid/273875047/item.html

Poor, poor Stephanie's body floated down the aqueduct, zig-zagging from passageway to passageway before dropping off a waterfall into a deep well.  She was unconscious the entire time, though (I imagine) if she had been conscious she might have been holding her hands in the air going "WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"  Ahem.  But she, er, didn't.  She kind of just bobbed around, not breathing.  Luckily!  The great fall into the well roused her into consciousness.  Let's peak in on the action!

Stephanie: "(sputter) (choke) What?  What?  Where am I?"

Stephanie flailed around for a bit until grabbing a metal railing on the wall of the well (aka. the well's wall).  Glancing about, she could see that she was somewhere very dark and deep.  The sound of the falling water filled her ears and the only light she could make out was far above her.

Stephanie: "Well, this sucks."

Reaching above her, she discovered another metal railing above the one she held.  Quickly, she ascended a series of railings leading her upward until she reached the top.  There was a hole in the well's wall (aka. the W's W) that looked quite dark and not fun.  Nevertheless, Stephanie was determined.  If she didn't report back to Sewer Patrol on time, she might get demoted... again.  She wasn't even really sure if it was possible to be demoted from Sewer Patrol.  Maybe Gapplemead had telemarketer positions (shudder).  It was best not to think about it.

Suddenly, from the darkness, a faint pattering came from up ahead.  Stephanie stopped her crawling.  Was there something else in the tunnel with her?  Closer it seemed to be coming.  Louder and louder.  But... the noises seemed less and less ominous as the pattering began to sound more and more like the wet footsteps of tiny little feet.

Finally, around the bend, a small, furry creature emerged.  It stopped immediately upon seeing Stephanie and sniffed.  Upon second glance, it was unmistakeably some kind of... otter.

Oscar: "Would you mind, buddy?  I'm on a rescue mission here."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Steev wondered to himself.  What did that prophecy mean?  "The hero would reveal himself...  Trust in the Triforce..."  What in the world was the Triforce?  Did it have something to do with him being the hero of the Zora?  For that matter, what did any of it have to do with Jack and Larry, Kim and the captain?  For a brief moment, Steev missed the captian.  He missed the deck swabs.  He missed the status reports.  He missed his mech.  But most of all, more than anything, he missed-

Kim: "STEEV!  YOU IDIOT!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Steev blinked.

Kim: "You've been staring into space for the last three minutes talking to yourself out loud!"

Steev: "Uh...  I was?  I, uh, thought I was having an internal monologue?"

Kim: "No!  You were just speaking it out loud to yourself.  We heard the whole thing!  Um, not to mention that we're currently being chased by a GIANT EEL!!!!!"

The magic bubble shook.  Larry braced himself and Oscar kind of bounced around.  He squeaked when he bounced.

Larry: "Steev, we will discuss this... prophecy later...  In the mean time-"

CRASH!

Larry: "Please shut up."

Steev: "Right...  Sorry."

(turning to another corner of the bubble)

Steev: "Steev didn't need to take this.  Steev was the 'Hero of the Zora'.  Was it his fault the weight of possibly everything ever was on his shoulders alone?  Was it his fault that-"

All: STEEV!

Steev: "Ah, right.  Was doing it again, wasn't I?  Ahem.  Uh, carry on then, escaping that eel and everything."

Oscar wondered to himself why humans bothered breathing.