|
| Mechanistic TWhich is better?
Seeking and experiencing the up's and down's of life?
To feel intently every nuance of emotion? Every joy, every sorrow, every tickle of excitement, every grip of dread?
To follow desire!
Or ..
To set apart and observe life's curiously twisted course?
To analysis and scrutinize each passing impulse~ Observing each calculation, each instinct, each act in altruism, each thought in perversion~
To heed consequences?
Does one not lead towards monstrosity? Does the other not lead to mechanization?
Do they not both lead to vanity and to death?
Too much Shakespeare class - I think I am losing it.
| | |
| Crisis of Self-Worth DayHeavy feeling on the chest.
| | |
| StupidityAs quoted from "Why Smart Can be So Stupid" from Salon.com
"Perkins lists eight deadly sins of the stupid smart person, which seem to sum it all up rather elegantly:
impulsiveness (doing something rash), neglect (ignoring something important), procrastination (actively avoiding
something important), vacillation (dithering), backsliding (capitulating to habit), indulgence (allowing oneself
to fall into excess), overdoing (like indulgence, but with positive things) and walking the edge (tempting fate).
That sounds like my entire life, actually. Yes, that explains a lot."
Oh man. That indeed explains a lot. Com'on smart people, you should know better than that - tsk tsk.
| | |
| AngryAngry.
Maybe it is the summer heat. Or the bad childhood summer memories. Or getting robbed/pepper sprayed. Or getting hurt/schooled in basketball. Or pushing too hard working out. Or procrastinating too much. Don't know, not sure. But Surly Angry.
Undifferentiated, formless, dull rage prowling for a victim, hunting for some cause to be angry about.
Tried the usual Zen thing. Mediate - observe that my body is in fight/flight response mode more often than usual. Breath, slow down heart rate. Take a third person POV, be an observer. Don't identify with the emotion. It's great, works for a while. 20 minutes later eye brows are knit together again, for no good reason at all. This is unusual, and only adds to my frustration.
Reading the news doesn't help. I can try to keep myself amused by reading Linux news, etc. Doesn't last long though - I'm always drawn to world news, politics. Latest crazy thing Bush/Cheney did. (Libby goes free? ARGH) The dismantling of American democracy. (Is there no end to Executive Priviledge?) The warped geopolitical system which serves only the rich. (Want to watch Sicko, but it'll only make me more angry) The oligarchy's denial and disregard towards environmental crisis. (Need to read Assault on Reason, but that'll make me angry too.) The apathy of the comsumption-sedated public.
Arrgh. Makes my blood boil. Apathy makes me so angry.
I need to pray more.
| | |
| "No more delays - youth's locks fades to grey, leaving empty laments."
"Quit bumming 'round - you'd grey ya mops fool, no use crying then."
"So do not sit by idly, for young men will grow old in regret."岳飛
怒髮衝冠，憑欄處，瀟瀟雨歇。
抬望眼，仰天長嘯，壯懷激烈。
三十功名塵與土，八千里路雲和月。
莫等閒、白了少年頭，空悲切。
靖康恥，猶未雪；
臣子恨，何時滅？
駕長車，踏破賀蘭山缺！
壯志飢餐胡虜肉，笑談渴飲匈奴血。
待從頭，收拾舊山河，朝天闕。
Thanks Dad.
| | |
|
