She speaks.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

  • For all the Jesus freaks out there...

    Xanga has grown a Christian branch! With pretty blossoms and inspirational words and all that good stuff. It's called Revelife, and there are two ways that you can get involved:

    1. Subscribe to Revelife through Xanga.
    2. Become a Revelife member.
    3. Just visit www.revelife.com and check it out.

    People have been blogging some REALLY awesome entries about Christian life, and it has become a little blessing in my life. So do it. You'll like it.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

  • I recently got my first "real world" job.

    I am an "Empowerment Specialist" at Wilson High School and Los Altos High School... basically, I get to counsel and interact with students who the teachers refer to the administration as marijuana users or alcohol addicts. It's freaking exhilarating for me because I get to work with messed up kids, but also, people are SO ignorant about how much trouble high schoolers get into these days, and what kinds of pressure these students face on a daily basis. Through my training and meetings, I have met various types of students, parents, and staff... and it's just so surreal that I'm a "staff" at a high school. It doesn't even feel like a long time ago when I was IN high school.

    A weird feeling of adulthood creeps in during every training and meeting I've been in so far. It's definitely strange getting up at the crack of dawn, getting into dress pants and blouses, clicking my heels to the office, and just... being an adult. I'm turning 23 years old this month, and although many of my older readers will groan and shake their heads at my measly worries, I really do wonder if I'll ever fit into the world of adulthood. Right now, I worry about graduate school admission decisions and how the hell I'm going to pay the rent on my own, but in a few years, it will be a whole new batch of worries. Is adulthood SUPPOSED to be worrisome?

    I also figure this would be a good time for me to try out a pointless part-time job with the three days that I can waste out of my week. Resting would be nice, but I'm at a point in my life right now where I need to be really fickle about the amount of money I earn and spend. I'm thinking Starbucks or Blockbuster... I seriously think working at Blockbuster would be insanely awesome because of all the perks with movies and whatnot. I love movies so much. If any of you have some sweet part-time ideas, let me know.

    That's pretty much my update of life. Don't be a piece of crop... leave an eProp! :D

Monday, February 18, 2008

  • I don't do well with kids.

    A lot of my friends joke that once they have kids, they would never designate me as the favorite "aunt" or the godmother. It sounds uber-sad, but I don't blame them. I don't know if it's the fact that I grew up as an only child and never really learned how to socially function with other children, or if it's because I just don't have much experience working with the little runts. I mean, kids. I've been a part of a bunch of summer church programs, but I was always in the leadership position of planning the events, not directly working with the kids. And trust me, it's not all kids. Whenever I went on missions, I had the best time with the kids... actually, maybe the language barriers helped me since I didn't have to really listen to them. But seriously, all I have to do is walk towards some cute little kid and his/her face suddenly transforms into this look of disgust, like they smelled what was cooking in their own diapers. Even infants react this way a lot to me. I really don't know why.

    Today, for example. I had gone to Amerige to get my hair cut, and every time I go to Amerige, I always see/hear/smell some annoying child that I just want to punt with a steel-toe boot. As I was sitting there waiting for my stylist to go get some things, this kid plopped down next to me and stared at me, saying all this nonsense in Korean. I politely smiled and asked him where his mother was, then he started SCREAMING at me to be quiet. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment, then I quickly shushed him loudly. He then stomped towards the bathroom where I believe his mother was in, then SLIPPED on the pile of hair behind me. I started laughing (quite uncontrollably) while he sat there crying.

    That's not mean, right? Revenge is a sweater that fits everyone, my friends.

    But don't worry. I have fallen in love with some kids, but I honestly worry at times about what type of mother I would be. Nonetheless, I'm just hoping that I marry a guy who's a professional at child maintenance, then I don't have to feel so bad.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

  • Imagine that you are a woman.

    Now imagine that you are a very young woman who suddenly found out that she was pregnant from a boyfriend who she thought she loved, but upon hearing that she was pregnant, hated him with a burning passion and suddenly feared for her life. Imagine that heart-pounding, anxiety-ridden fear.

    That is how I felt all of January. And the first few days of February. Definitely not a way to start off this year of new hopes and dreams, this year of starting fresh with a brilliant smile upon your face.

    I know; it's a brash example and it's probably not comparable at all in reality. But that was all I could think of when I think about what I went through this past month and a half. In this span of unclad ghastliness, I had to deal with trials of disappointment from my parents, the sudden illness of my grandfather, major family drama that only the most dysfunctional families can come up with, and packing, moving out, moving in, unpacking... TWICE with my roommate Liz. Without sounding too dramatic, it was just a heaping pile of s...tress.

    Now my parents are back in Asia, my grandfather is back home, the drama has hibernated, and Liz and I are moved into a brand new apartment. It sucks that I can't even allow myself to truly calm down and relax out of fear that something is going to tackle me like a desperate 300-pound linebacker. Lovely.

    But all of this shows me that whatever damage waits to happen around the corner, I can pretty much take it. Because I'm hoping with all of my heart that the worst for 2008 is over, but that's probably too optimistic. Is there such a thing as being too optimistic? Nonetheless, wow.

    Single Awareness Day approacheth... if you're single and you have nothing to do, come to my Anti-Valentine's party. It's going to be amazing and you're all invited. Inquire inside for more details.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

  • a pricking of knives so recklessly wielded
    caution tapes flapping, writhing and surrounding
    shadows of danger constantly aroused
    beckoning us forth to whisper in our ears,
    "lessons, lessons, the results are lessons."

    the blood begins to seep slowly into cracks
    created by past battles and open flesh wounds
    one would think the idea of happiness lacks
    but those are usually those who are flawless
    and have never dealt with the scarring tunes,
    "lessons, lessons, the results are lessons."

    what was learned was learned the hard way
    teachers in forms of mistakes and bountiful flaws
    then we see it, that shimmering fleck of a ray
    woven by grace and forever etched with care
    the warmth seeps in, a new voice emerges

    same line, same meaning, yet not
    everything changes and the cycle resumes
    this time with a renewed strength sought
    "lessons, lessons, the results are lessons."



Carrismatic

  • Visit Carrismatic's Xanga Site
    • Name: Caaaaaaroline!
    • Country: United States
    • State: California
    • Metro: Orange County
    • Birthday: 3/30/1985
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 1/7/2003
    • Premium

Pulse

  • It's still a little hard to comprehend the fact that life is a bullet train and you're either on, off, or sadly splattered by impact.
  • showing off your butt crack is not AT ALL like showing off your cleavage. the nerve.