My: Dating/Courting/Flirting/Purity post

*disclaimer: these are my personal convictions, I’m not saying they’re right for everyone, or that anyone who disagrees is automatically wrong, I’m sharing these thoughts, many of which I’m still developing in my own mind, in response to the increasing number of people who have questioned or asked for me to explain my beliefs/positions.*

Definitions- (only as used in this paper, not how I would use them in general)

Flirting: any kind of light/silly discussion regarding (romantic) interest between two or more people. It may be expressed interest by Bob to Mary. It may be Jack insinuating to Bob and/or Tim that Bob likes Mary. It may be Mary and Jill and Tim discussing whether or not she and Bob like each other…. (I think you get the idea) It may be complete nonsense, or there may be real interest. For simplicity’s sake, in this blog entry we will not worry about actions that are misinterpreted by others as interest in our definition of flirting.

Relationship: The time before marriage when a guy and a girl (and their parents) are seeking to find if it is God’s will for them to marry. More often referred to as dating, betrothal, or courtship. (May also be used in reference to the engagement period)


When it comes to romance and my heart I believe two things. Romance is a gift from God to bless marriage. My heart belongs to my husband (when it comes to romantic affections).
I’m still single and not in a relationship, but I believe God does have a husband picked out for me, and I’m working to be ready for marriage in the future. If I was already married no one would question my not flirting. If I was in a relationship no one would question it. But because I’m not married to my husband yet, or even in a relationship with him yet, people think it should be okay for me to flirt. I disagree. It’s not a really a sin or impurity issue. It’s about seeking God’s best, seeking to bless my husband, and seeking to behave in a way that is honoring to both.
*Quick Soapbox Rant*
I’m tired of people knocking the idea of emotional/mental purity. Their logic seems to be “It’s nonsense to try because no one is ever going to be 100% pure.” It’s just poppycock! We can never be 100% holy while we’re still on earth, but we still pursue holiness and Christ-likeness! Emotional/mental purity is part of the holiness package. We are all tempted daily, it is how we respond to the temptation that makes us who we are. *end rant*

While I’m a relationship-less single person, the only romance I should be involved in is with the Lover of my soul (and mind and heart and body ), Jesus Christ! At whatever point I am in a relationship, I will still guard my heart, especially at the beginning. I think we’ve all heard the icing on the cake analogy, (bakers please forgive me and use your imagination, or don’t ). Let’s pretend that sugar is the last ingredient you’re supposed to add to the batter. You need to add the eggs and the butter and the milk and the flour first. If you try to add the sugar (the romance) too soon, the cake won’t be as good as it might have been, and it might even get burned or go totally flat. The icing (PDAs etc) doesn’t come until after the cake is baked (i.e. you say “I do”).

But incase anyone is reading this and thinking I sound like a cold stone, let it be known. I love romance! I intend to be totally completely head over heals in love with the man I say “I do” to. I’m just saving romance for the one man I do say “I do” to!

And to everyone who says “What if you don’t see it coming and you’re in love before you realize it’s happened?” I’d say “You weren’t paying attention!” Take E-V-E-R-Y thought captive and submit it to the will of Christ. If you are being watchful and alert, you'll detect the interest early, and give it to God, whether He gives it back or not is up to Him.

Dating vs. Courtship? “What’s in a name?” Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart. While this verse was written about men, I think it applies to relationships as well. If you’re earnestly honestly seeking God’s will, and there is heavy parental (either real parents or adopted spiritual parents) involvement, then I think the rest is dependent on the people involved. Some may choose to go on dates and hug, others may never touch and may never be alone. The important thing is the purpose and the protection.


I guess that's all for now. Kudos to everyone who's read this far, and since you've already spent this much time reading, why don't you take a few extra seconds and let me know what you think. PLEASE! I love comments. They make me feel loved.