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| I tell ya what. I'm sitting here in the pharmacy. Been here, saturday at work for about an hour. Filled 4 scripts. Snice right? Yea, It'll be a slow day. gotta be here till 6:00pm too. But what's even more exciting is hearing 2 old country people talk about life. I tell you, its like reading "Lost Boys" from 8th grade all over again. The language is just so...plain..and simple..and duh. Quote of the day. "at the end of your life all you have is your memories." Yes yes. this is true. And oh wait this one "what is life? its just history. a record of what you've done" Uhm... yes? I dunno, maybe i'm just being a pain because I'm young and can't relate to this talk country elders. Will I be like this when I'm older? I doubt it. And that's good enough for me i guess. Because i wasn't born and raised in this town, and my daddy didn't know the judge and that's why i got the cool job making cement at the factory when i was young. Because my mom didn't know the head church lady who doubled as an assistance couch the basketball team to get me to play varsity which then lead to me leading the head record of points and rebounds in the district to date since 1954. I dunno. I always say maybe I could have lived in the 60's or 70's, but when i think of civil rights i think of the folk that were probably against it and it just kills me. This conversation. I just don't get it. I've never gotten special treatment in my life and always had to earn my way because i didn't have the "who's who" hook-up like you have in small towns,
but thank goodness.
because if they don't know...I know..that life is more than just memories. Its living. and that's the true blessing.
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| HAPPY NEW YEARSit's comming! and i want to party party party HARD. fuck yeasss...
anybody else have any cool plans?
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| i am planning an adventure vacation. I need one desperatley. Anyone want to go? I'm thinking safari or something wild!
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| so..i'm bored. and i've decided to dl some songs. i haven't done so in forever. Right now I'm listening to this cool remix of dido's here with me. its got some enya in it..i dunno. Its uber mellow like the original but extra neat sounds and beats in it. Its good. Other than that. I don't know. I've been smoking more now and i guess that's not good. To be politically correct, its not. but whatever. I have nothing else more to do. hmm... I don't know, i've just been in this whatever funk. I feel like my family has become disconnected. Its not like how it used to be when we were younger. When every one was together ya know? and Interacted with eachother and genuinely enjoyed eachother. Here lately it seems like its a task. hm.. all my good friends are far away. And I miss them alot. I don't really have anyone I can just open up and be vaulnerable with. *sigh* Its just.. *ugh*. everyday..is just a day. I am happy I have my xanga though. I can say what I want. and at least feel safe about that. or modestly so. hmm... Who knows, i might open up my feelings and piss someone off again about how i feel and then have them hate me for it. I hate faking it but nobody seems to really be able to handle me 100%. just the select few. I just want to get whatever's bugging me OUT. *blah* i feel sick. but in my brain like. hmm.. meditating the other day was good. and just chillin to the music. I hate being by myself. it didn't used to bug me as much...but it does now. maybe its just now. I know how much my feelings change. ugh* so undecisive.
schvat ever. as for working on black friday. nothing for me. i don't think i did much of anything at either of my jobs. the bare minimum. and walking around. hmm.. yea. because i wasn't really in the mood for that either. just.. *blah*
blah blah blah blah... i like techno though. its nice. hmm.. I feel like dancing HAHAH how silly.
yea... i can't even write right now its like i'm afraid to open up. to let all whatever out. to cry. I've been suppressing my tears really. I hate falling apart. and i wish it would stop. I dunno, maybe that's just how i'm built or something. To be freaking split psycho personality.
up and then down.. and then up.
yea. Peace.
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| rebirthYou know what.. I've had this blog.... Since 2000. So, Like 6 years now?
FUCK ALL OF YOU. this shit is mine. I am very much grown now. This is me, and I'm not afraid anymore.
SO FUCK YOU...and you..AND YOU and the white horse that you rode OUT on until it broke a leg and FUCKING DIED.
:)
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