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| There's a difference between being regretful and being sorryI like how sometimes it takes you four years to finally figure out that you made a mistake. Then one day you suddenly come to the conclusion that you should have done things a lot differently. That you should have stopped inundating yourself with other people's bullshit and done something for yourself. I used to think that I wouldn't have traded certain parts of my high school career for anything, but now I realize that I spend a large majority of it peddling on a stationary bike, and hoping that it would break free form it's restraints if I tried hard enough.
Granted, a lot of those experiences were "building blocks for life" and "lessons to be learned", but I think all they have made me is bitter and apathetic toward sentient beings in general. Maybe that's how it's supposed to work? Life pisses you off so badly, you learn to avoid the situation altogether? Someone hurts you so badly you never take the time to open up to certain possibilities ever again? You take a hit and then run back to your comfort zone until you forget that it happened?
"Sometimes I just want to hug you. Sometimes I just want to hold you close, and look into your eyes... and then slap you as hard as I can in the face."
I'm not sorry for anything, it's really not my fucking problem, but being sorry is different than regretting it ever happened.
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| Lack of time perceptionSo if it's the first of November, that means that in two months, it will be 2008. Which makes it how many years? In 2002, I was a freshman in high school. In 2003, I was a sophomore, and I broke my social shell. From there to the end of high school, wave after wave of trauma and strife pounding against me like a lone lighthouse on the shore.
Goth poetry aside, I remember everything like it was yesterday. Every sight, smell, touch and taste. I've gone through exponential amounts of personal development but all of that has no effect on my memories. To think I've come so far. Hell, most of my friends are 21. It's not going to be long until we're 25 and bitching about our careers all day. I already do enough of that as it is. The mind is a powerful thing.
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| Obligatory "I'm still alive" postI've come to the conclusion that making perm is actually harder than BEING perm. It certainly wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done, but at least those other examples weren't thoroughly fucking exhausting. But I really can't complain about this. It was a significant pay raise, plus benefits. I don't think you can really beat 20 days of PTO per year. I will have to say that one of the most fun parts of my job is being in charge of the row directories for our division's departments on this floor. Pretty much, I have a 4x5" sheet of paper that is mounted in a holder on the start of each cube row that indexes the people that sit there. It's kind of my job to make someone's termination official and known. I usually whistle when I post new directories.
I really like Bill Hicks' outlook on why we become successful in life. Though it's difficult to place merit with it, it does bring up a good point. What if that was really the subconscious reason of us pushing ourself so far in life? Even if that's not the root cause, it's still pretty cool to be able to look at yourself a few years down the line and laugh a little bit about where you are in life in comparison to some others.
Aside from how (much more) bitter I've become over the last week or so, I'm actually in a pretty good mood.
I mean, I may wish some people to die horrible deaths, or come to the conclusion that they are fucking idiots, but I feel pretty good about myself. Maybe it's me settling into my job, or maybe it's because tax season is starting to creep up. I figure we have another 3 weeks of silence and then it's time for CPAs to start contacting their customers in preparation for January, where returns need to start moving. Now is probably a really good time to start pushing through the two classes, which make about 45 students combined, through the rest of their material so they can be released to the floor by the time that happens...
I have pretty much the most ghetto setup right now on my computer. I needed a little more power to run TF2 correctly on my PC, so I decided to OC my video card, despite the age of the system and possible issues with the cooling system or the thermal paste on the CPUs. My solution to keep the core temperature down was to attach the box fan that I use to cool my room to the side of my open computer case. It looks completely absurd, but I've only had one lockup in about 15 hours of gaming this week. I think it's a pretty cheap win until I can rebuild the thing. Then again, I have to decide whether or not I want to rebuild my computer or buy a 360. Granted, I can probably do both fairly soon with the excess money I'll end up with, but I should probably put some aside for vehicle maintenance that I'll have to do soon. I know I'll have to replace my brake pads in the next 4 to 6 weeks.
I figure with enough time and effort, I can end up with a rig like this...
Pretty much kidding, but I do want a new monitor and some fiber. I guess that means I have to think about getting a video card with Linux support that doesn't suck. Damn you Creative.
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| Just to clear any confusion...My rantings about the female species weren't directed to anyone in particular, it was just an outlash of my (more?) cynical side.
Life is life. Not much change there. I'm kind of sick with some random form of a head cold, but I think I'm slowly starting to get over it. Late shift at work has it's advantages. I get up a little later, which makes me feel more well-rested for some reason and I get off later. That means I can stay up until about 1 or 2 in the morning and not feel guilty about it.
Work is even better when I walk in on people pimping me to management. That made me feel better. Well, that and the lady that told me that she hopes I feel better. So maybe I don't think ALL of humanity should perish in a bright blaze of death.
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| Did I ever mention that I hate women?Or maybe I just have a low tolerance of illogical ramblings, innately poor choices and general deceit. I guess if the second then the first? But really, women of the world, what have you ever done for me?
Exceptions to the above statement know who they are.
I think when I have a little more time to do shit, I think I'll have to record a running journal of my day at work, because I know I amuse myself while I'm there, so there is no reason why someone equally as insane as I am won't enjoy my day at work too.
Sign on
KB authoring
call/KB authoring
call/KB authoring
answer a newbie's question
call/KB authoring
call/KB authoring/answer a newbie's question
swear
call/KB authoring
call/KB authoring
KB authoring
KB authoring
escalation
call/KB authoring
call/KB authoring
escalation
web support request
escalation
call/KB authoring
call/KB authoring
I'm not really stretching the truth much when I write about the work flow of my morning. Before I'm entirely awake, I pretty much hate you, though I'm fun to talk to because the person on the other end is probably just as much of a cynical asshole as I am in the morning. Except his cynicism probably goes away after coffee.
I think the high point of my afternoon was when I made an office full of people erupt into laughter when I told them that their computer needs to perish in a fire. I also said that it may be possessed, but I wasn't qualified to make that particular judgement.
Is it bad that I sympathized with the contract killer more than the cab driver in Collateral?
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