Male Subletter for a friend

Any guys out there looking for a place to sublet for June-August?

You'll have your own room, and have 2 other roommates in the apt. It's $675 a month and it's at 28th street between 2nd and 3rd avenue.

Please respond at http://www.xanga.com/control_freak by this Sunday, May 20th and spread the word.

Thanks! =)

Calling, suffering, and joy

I  know I am called to something when the truth of God only makes sense to me as I enter in faith and obedience into this calling. Many things might be going against it and make it seem otherwise to others. In this process of obedience, my old ways are being exposed and shed off. A new person is slowly being formed in me, though it's a scary thing to being continually reformed into someone I have not been before. Only God and I know the extent to which this is true in me. Or, more correctly, only God knows, for I cannot judge myself. But God knows I can feel the flame of this fire around and inside me. From an outsider's perspective, the situation at face value can look bleak and substandard. Even my own objective evaluation disheartens me and tempts me to give up. Life would be so much easier if that were only possible. But I know I am called to this because if i were not to do this, I would be lifeless. I fear what would happen if I did give up. I would be utterly lost and out of God's grace. Even these trials and sufferings that I perceive has been dealt to me is out of God's grace, and I cannot give that up for any sort of relief.

The Word says suffering for doing good is better than suffering for doing evil. The suffering that I perceive in my life is probably a result of both. The suffering I feel because of the discipline I am receiving is humbling and challenges me not to despair but to trust in the Father's love. The suffering from doing good because of the foolishness of the situation is hard, but is freeing me from the fear of man.

Some have asked me if I enjoy my life. I honestly have to say no, I don't enjoy this temporary place I'm in. The aching for what's to come and being in an in-between state is not enjoyable. In my idealistic mind, what would make me happy is joining in on Revelations 4-just soaking God in. Human striving, playing, doing, performing, acting is disatisfying to me. And when I do attempt to engage these things, I get caught up and distracted to my frustration. These things are good but second best to me and thus almost a waste of time. I need to love being human more. I need to see God in these things. Also this flesh i'm still in which holds me back from perfect union with God makes me despair. I have to remind myself of God's grace despite this imperfect state we're in, and have faith enough to hold Him to His promises. The joy I have is always in relation to a future hope in spite of momentary troubles. But maybe as I learn how to love more, I will enjoy being in the moment more. Maybe I will see glimpses of eternity in the present and I will rejoice. Maybe God will help me see Him more in these things that we do.

JUST SAY NO.

"This is how we know what love is:
Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.
And we ought
to lay down our lives for our brothers.
If anyone has material possessions
and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him,
how can the love of God be in him?
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:16-18

"For we do not have a high priest
who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,
but we have one who has been tempted in every way,
just as we are—yet was without sin.
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence,
so that we may receive mercy
and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrew 4: 14-16

i mess up and fall short a lot. i hurt myself, God, and people. i am held down by much sin and shame.
But I can acknowledge this a little bit more than before because of a greater awareness of grace and forgiveness.
I can admit my complete and utter helplessness apart from God because He's brought me to a point where I have no choice but to cry out for His mercy and grace in this time of need.
I have nothing to offer but failure after failure and an inner cry that I grow in love for Him and people which He has placed in me. I have no choice but to accept this calling, lest I waste away and die in my transgressions. These two forces are always at work in me, but I have faith that one has more promise and power. Praise God for bringing me to this point of receiving grace that covers and grace that gives.