not back

Currently Listening Lucky By Nada Surf see related

"Russian"

If I drink anymore the house will fall down
You'll find your friend gasping for air and yelling for a pen
In some stranger's front yard
A retching wretch of little consequence who once knew
What he wanted to say
But when the grass is warm in December
And you've laid in it long enough to feel the dew form
You might decide the words can't fit in your mouth
And you're not up to finding replacements

But maybe I will have another
And, God damn the roof and the foundation
And the clouds that he hides behind
And the words that escape me

Currently Listening More Adventurous By Rilo Kiley see related

I can't stay busy enough.

I didn't get much sleep last night.

I made her cry.

And now, folks, I'm the asshole.

I honestly don't know where to begin.

It's been three weeks since I lost my motivation and now I've had to supplement.

I'm reading a good 4 hours a day and writing...well...as much as possible.  Working on going abroad for the summer and looking into grad schools far far away. 

I have definitely put some thought into just forgetting the last year ever happened and leaving next May and never coming back. I don't know what's going to happen and some people have decided that the best policy is to just let things be, so...yeah, I suppose I'll run with that for awhile.  Basically, one part of my life isn't working so I've reverted back to doing things like I used to:  driving myself to the limit to put things out and working myself to death.  If I don't have any spare time, I won't have much opportunity to think about recent events. 

Wrote my first short story (1 page--first line was given to me "I am (age) and my life is (color)) last week and turned it in.  Read it aloud in class and got some great feedback.  It really got me in the right spirit of writing again, although I don't have as much time to put into it as I would like.  One of the people in my class came up to me outside of class and said she thought that my story was the best.  It may seem childish, but it definitely made me feel better about the whole thing. 

...

I drifted off there for a few...dozen minutes.  Like I said before, I'm really trying to be busy.  I'm going to go.

"I know i'm alone if i'm with or without you,
But just being around you offers me another form of relief
When the lonliness leads to bad dreams,
And the bad dreams lead me to calling you,
And i call you and say "c'mere!"

And it's bad news, baby i'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news"