I don't think that I'll update this thing ever again...."what I've done in high school will stay in high school" and that includes this little thingie.

Anyway, I'm going places this summer, so if any of you "readers" (my buddies) out there want a postcard or a little letter or something, please send me your home address by email or something. I'm leaving in about 2 weeks. So, I will try my best to write anyone interested!

A lot has gone on....PROM, various fancy dinners and awards ceremonies, graduation announcements, yearbook signings, photo slideshows, AP tests, and tears. I will miss everyone and ECHS for sure. I'm not sure why, but that's just how I feel right now. The full color yearbook this year is AWESOME and simply AMAZING and the literary mag has some pretty good poems and artwork in it but this makes leaving even harder. I got my cap and gown yesterday and some cool "accessories". I can't believe I'm graduating on wed!!! WOW.

Sorry if this entry is a cliche or has billions of trite expressions and sentiments all over the place. I feel this way and I really can't control it. I'm so uncontrollable sometimes. Like the car ride home from my last full day of high school today.

so i guess the question i have to answer is if this is the end or the beginning...i thought i had it all figured out but it turns out i only thought i did.

So.

Today is Prom day. I know this is corny, but I really can't believe that this is my senior prom. I have been waiting this entire time for this. But now, somehow I feel a little empty and even a little frightened. What will happen after this? AP tests. Then? Graduation???? Then? SENIOR TRIP!!! (still needs to be planned though). After summer...COLLEGE?? wow. changes will be hard and probably uncomfortable, but i guess i just have to suck it all up, and know that a lotta other ppl are going thru the same thing (unless their senior council actually scheduled their prom in may/june that is).

i want to scream at the top of my lungs.

Best of Luck to all going to PROM!

Ching Yun

this is actually just a personal rambling of biased thoughts & opinions. i tried to write it objectively & open-mindedly but it probably didn't turn out that way. i hope i don't sound like a sore loser. but if i do, feel free to comment/ criticize/attack. maybe i'll be able to redeem myself a bit in the next time i feel like avoiding my duties.

people. peeps. whatever. i think i remember asking to get a sign or something to know where i would go. i didn't know it before today, but there have been signs, symbols, everywhere. the miserably gloomy weather that started off the week wasn't enough to make me realize what just happened. my past failures continue to haunt me, but one of 'em landed right in front of my face today, kind of crept up slowly and then, BAM! there it was, in full color (almost in a literal sense). seeing my counselor did not help very much. when i told him about possible places i may be headed, he nodded and i'm pretty sure he felt like yawning, or telling me i was fooling myself in thinking i could go anywhere but those places. if this wasn't enough for a clue for me, i also saw kyle hurriedly walk past me in a bruins shirt. lol. this makes me laugh thinking back to it, b/c my life is turning into the heart of darkness or hamlet or some other work of literature with all those symbols & hidden meanings & connotations.

...:... but i started thinking later in the afternoon that i have had a pretty happy, fulfilling life so far. well....as good as it gets being 17 anyway. so, having no real traumatic experiences or any horrible accidents of any kind (thank goodness!), i expect this has all been pretty fortunate for me and a real blessing. so there really is no use in feeling "not good enough" because i thought that sentiment reading that scrap of parchment from that stiff, white envelope. some may have got in b/c of background, special circumstances, hardships, GREAT grades (yay to a.t.j.a.s.!!), or probably a combination of things i suspect. i have no regrets though b/c deep inside i know that i've given high school all my effort and more than the time it takes for a US immigration application to get processed. hey, this was the best i could do, so i'm feeling pretty proud and excited right now.

i find it kind of ironic though that universities like to send their letters with unintentional (or maybe intentional, iono) cruelty. they claim that they all (u can tell i've gotten more than one of these) "regretfully" cannot let me in. hmm...if they truly feel so much regret, why don't they just change their decision then? but of course, there is only ltd space, ltd resources, ltd talent, ltd time. yes that's it. and of course, that they have found others better than u in numbers and letters and others worse off in background.

i guess everything has its course though, and i'm sure i'll be happy wherever i go b/c for anything, i believe it's always gonna b what YOU choose to make it.

Currently Listening Hot Fuss By The Killers see related

i always feel an air of mysteriousness and uncertainty come over me when it rains. It is always unexpected, peculiar., & unexplainable. i like the rain though. it is fun. yesterday afterschool it hailed. it also hailed today.

i finally asked why the sky was blue. mr. carter explained it to me as scattered light and that the atmosphere was blue. i'm not sure how much it had to do with our lesson of color wavelengths, but whatever.

i like making avatars on yahoo. especially on rainy days.

wow. this year has gone by as fast as the speed of sound, dare i say, the speed of light even? it seems as though it was just yesterday when i walked to my classes on the first day of school. now, college acceptances/ rejections are gonna come trickling into my mailbox, evoking either tears of elation, ecstasy, and excitement or tears of dejection, despondency, and depression. i'm not worried. bring it on!

i got sick last weekend. i've been taking tylenol, panadol, & some other stuff. for temporary relief, i indulge in chloraseptic (great for sore throats!), Golden Lozenges (some bitter Chinese cough drops that work miraculously well!), as well as Ricola (opens up nasal congestion like Altoids!). They are my best buddies now in my time of illness.

i truly do not believe i can pass my Art History big mama test nor my l'examen de Francais qui est tres difficile et comme une grande mere. ugh.

ALSO: CONGRATULATIONS TO JEN!!!!

Currently Reading The Awakening and Selected Stories (Penguin Classics) By Kate Chopin, Sandra Gilbert see related