Before the age of 25, the rules of dating were fairly simple:

Step 1: Get drunk

Step 2: Hook up

Step 3: Sort the mess out later

You were reckless, and stupid.

  However, if you're one of the unlucky few that step off the relationship train in your mid 20's you're in for a startling discovery. The rules of the game have changed.

  First of all, you're smarter now. You spent most of your youth figuring out what you don't want in a relationship, so now you have amassed a laundry list of presumably reasonable criteria that may or may not be remotely realistic. And while you've got a clearer idea of what you don't want, what exactly it is you do want remains a mystery. Mostly, because you continually question whether the qualities that you find desirable in mate even exist in the combination that you hope.

  Every relationship that you've experienced has stolen a bit of your enthusiasm for the next. Your ability to trust has been slowly eroded by broken promises and callous duplicity. You have a little less to give, a little less energy, and a little less optimism. You're afraid of squandering what you have left on the wrong person. You wonder if you can love again, the way you used to-- wholehearted, and reckless. You want to love again, before you forget how.

  Then there's the whole awkwardness that comes along with trying to get to know someone in a semi-respectable manner. We call it dating. Navigating the logistical quandaries of when and where to meet. Trying to work things into your busy schedule. Finding that elusive element of chemistry, which if found, is fickle and temperamental at best. Once you manage to actually find time for each other, you then engage in an bizarre ritual of phone tag, text messages, and movie dates. Always, you're asking yourself-- is it too soon? Should I kiss him/her? A second date after this one? When is the right time to call? What should I wear? Am I coming on too strong? Too passive? Will he respect me in the morning? All for the sake of navigating the thicket of emotional brambles we have built to protect ourselves from heartbreak.

  And what about timing? They say timing is everything. Eligible mates are dropping off the radar left and right-- either married, in a relationship, or too busy for one. You optimistically hold out hope, that you can find someone who meets your epic requirements. But on the off-chance you meet someone that does, are they recently out of a relationship? Too soon. Or recently into one? Too late. Or, as often is the case in this crazy world, they're on their way to somewhere in life, and don't have time to pause and notice that you're perfect together.

  The older you get, the smarter you get. You've learned from your mistakes and you change your behavior accordingly. We build emotional defenses and walls, and all the aggravation and formalized structure of the dating game is supposed to help us break through the fortifications we've worked so hard to put up. Maybe in the end it's not as systematic as we've gotten used to. Maybe the reason it was easier in our younger years was because of the fact that we were innocent, and didn't know any better. We didn't automatically throw out the baby with the bathwater at the first hint of something that doesn't fit into our master plan of life and love.

Maybe to find love, you need to let yourself be a little reckless and stupid.

Dear NDM,

  First of all, let me start by saying I have always respected your blog immensely. Your photographs are both emo, and aesthetically bland. PetiteTokyo and I started off as just friends, but as our friendship progressed, and I heard more about your abusive ways-- swinging your huge arms about in a bullying manner, slobbering all over her with your gigantic lips, cheating on her with other Xanga women-- I felt a sympathy for her that I could not contain. Things happened-- I won't go into detail. Suffice to say that during our torrid 2 hour love affair, bankers, peanut butter, and bannanas were involved. It all happened so fast (but not quickly.. I mean it took a while.. but.. fuck nevermind), that I wasn't fully in the correct state of mind. I guess we got carried away in the heat of the moment.

  I know your first instinct, is to pound several shots of soju, and find the nearest wall to punch. It's not worth it. First of all, you might break your hand, and then you won't be able to go to the gym for several months. Your upper body will shrink to it's natural size, and once again, you'll be just another scrawny Asian. Do you want that? Secondly, what did that wall ever do to you? It's an inanimate object. Don't take out your hurt and frustration on it. It's not right to project our own pain and suffering onto others.

  Instead, talk to PetiteTokyo. You can work things out. Our brief episode of mind-blowing, passionate, and poly-orgasmic sex was only a physical thing. It meant nothing. I know deep down, she only has feelings for you. I was only an outlet for her unsatisfied sexual urges. I promise it will never happen again.

Besides, she was not that good.

  I want to apologize sincerely, from the bottom of my heart for our actions. I pray that you will forgive me, and that one day we can still comment on each other's pages, and steal each other's female subscribers. I hope that you can patch things up with her, and that together, the two of you will someday have many big-lipped, fat and ugly, children together.

Most Sincerely,

Chinkzilla