Some of you missed it the first time around so Im editing so it will show up and youll catch it this time....

I moved.

I dont have a really good reason. I just did it.

I havent arranged the furnite yet or anything like that....but were all family, I dont mind you you see my new place before I get the curtains up.

So jump on over and leave me a comment so I can get my subs all lined up again without having to figure out how to do it with my own brain...and hurry up so I dont miss anything good...and I mean that in the nicest way. 

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=LoriLogic

Its a new day.

Wednesday.

Things have got to get better eventually...right?

This sicko awfulness cant last forever...right?

I used to have this little angel hanging in my bathroom that simply said "Look Up"

I thought of her today and I looked up...and a bird flew over and almost pooped on me.

Im pretty sure that was a sign that today isnt the day that things are going to turn around.

Phooey.

Im home.

Without a new puppy AND without the $500 I paid for him. 

Its a long awful story but basically the puppy was not what he was promised to be AND he was not AKC registered and in the end the people who own the dog refused to give me my money back and offered me an inferior dog to replace what I was originally promised which I refused then they wanted to give me another inferior dog from another litter they expect later....Ummm, I dont think so. Once you reveal that you are dishonest, Im not going to trust you again.

So now they have my money and I have no cute little puppy. We are at a standstill. They refuse to give me the money back and I refuse to take an inferior dog.

I do however have a husband who is highly annoyed with me for losing that giant chunk of change and I did get to spend a major amount of quality prayer time while driving back and forth from Houston to Austin to Dallas and back from Dallas to Austin to Houston.

Needless to say I am more than bummed. After the horrible week I had last week this was the last thing I needed....but some little part of me keeps thinking that God is working on a solution to all of this and I need to just wait with expectancy....just like he was calling me to do last week when that teaching about Moses started sinking in.

So anyway, without throwing out all the ugly details let me just say that if you happen to find yourself in prayer and you happen to think of me, I would appreciate it if you would beg God to fix this in such a way as to make Mark happy and put my own mind at ease, more specifically, a refund would be very nice.  

Otherwise, we just might be out $500 bucks...and that just aint right. Mark was seriously angry with me till I reminded him of his little gambling habit which far outweighs this one loss....but still, I doubt that God called me to throw away half a grand.

Now, aside from that, if you are in the market for a tiny toy poodle, with an AKC registration, and you find one in New Braunsfels....run the other way. Trust me.

Part of me wants to start writing letters to every dog registry this side of the Pecos and the BBB and the homeowners accociation where the puppy people live and throw up a whole web page dedicated to their dishonesty....but vengence is mine says the Lord so I am trying very hard to just sit back and wait to see how God answers my prayer for a solution to all of this.

In the meantime, this makes me feel like the time my house got broken into and ransacked. Its an awful feeling and I cant seem to shake it.

Last weeks horror lives on.

Blah!

Where have all the flowers gone?

How come it's Spring, the time of year when everything is supposed to feel like fresh laundry and yet I've been feeling like last weeks socks?

You know those commericals where theres some random lady hanging wash on a clothes line and theres wild flowers all over the place and the sheets are gently wrapping themselves around little todlers  as they run back and forth? How come when moments like that really happen you dont feel like some starlet with a perfect life, you feel like your overburdened with piles of laundry and unruly kids?

I dont even have kids and I feel like I just experienced an unruly week load of kid like grief.

I should be all happy and excited about getting my puppy tomorrow, and I should be all excited about spending the weekend in Dallas with my sister and yet...all I can keep thinking about is the 40 things on my desk that I still need to do and the 40 things on my desk that I havent even realized I should have already done and the reading I didnt get in today and the this and the that.

I wonder of I stretch a string across the yard and start hanging some sheets out there every now and then if I will feel like a spring time soap commercial? ...come to think of it, I'd have to buy spare sheets to do it with because I really hate line dried stuff.

Good gried I cant even orchestrate glee.

Know what else, I miss my friends at my old job. I got to talk to Brett for a minute today and I think I need to make it priority to catch them for lunch next week. I miss little shopping trips with Lara and hanging out at lunch talking about nothing and I miss free sandwiches at Subway and hours of silence in my office and ....you know just stuff. Maybe Im just being nostalgic, I even went by my old house the other day on the way back from Galveston, it looked ghetto to me, the owners have really done heavy damage to that place in 5 years...it kinda made me sad to see it like that. Plus, Mark has been in a mood...ugh.

So anyway...away with all that, tomorrow is puppy delivery day, let the giggles begin.

Waiting With Expectancy

You know that saying that goes: "If you love something set it free"?

Well, lately I've been struggling with setting things free. I was talking to one of my newly married friends one day and she admitted that there were things about her new husband that she felt like she was trying to get him to steer towards but he just wouldnt get there...and then I began to think about the different ways I do the same thing to Mark

If Mark skipped church on a Wednesday when I wanted to go I might have tried to guilt him into going the next time, or if we were invited to dinner with friends and he already had plans I might plead my case by whining about how many times I go places with him that Im not particularly excited about and so on and so on.

When we looked at that property we made the decision that we didnt like it and then we did a 180 and decided to put an offer on it...because we just couldnt let it go, we prayed about it, we asked for direction and then God answered our prayer and we just couldnt  hand it over to God and let it be.

When I was listening to Kym tell about how Moses mother put him in a basket and how she pushed him into the Nile river new thoughts pushed to the forefront of my head. Moses mother was able to give him up because of her great faith. At the time she couldnt have known that by giving up the right to be with her son God would actually deliver him back to her with a bonus but because of her faith she just went straight out to the Nile river and set her baby free with the crockodiles and critters. If she had ignored the voice of God and kept Moses against the Pharoh's orders Moses would have been put to death but Moses mother followed her faith. Essentially Moses was bait and while his mother didnt know how God was going to protect him, she knew that he would. She prayed for what she wanted, she heeded the voice of God and God took care of everything.

So anyway, I have this list of things in my life that Ive been dying for God to take care of for me and yet I do not act like someone who just pushed her baby into the Nile river. No, I am the idiot who was up in the house looking for a baby sized hiding place to buy me some more time so I could play with the idea of whether or not God really meant that I should actually go shove my baby into the river of no return.

I started thinking about the hours that followed after she pushed that basket into the river. To read over the story one might assume she set the basket afloat and went about her way but Im guessing she stood there on the bank watching the basket and praying for the safety and deliverance of her son....waiting with expectancy knowing that God was going to do something miraculous.

When I pray for big things to happen do I really pray as if I am waiting with expectancy? Sometimes I do, but sometimes I pray in fear of how God will answer my prayers and I think I actually hinder my own prayers with my doubt...which doesnt make sense at all because God has never ever answered a prayer of mine in a way that made me look to the heavens and question his motive. What is wrong with all of us that we think we are so smart we have the brain power to conceive of every possible angle and fix it on our own by praying specifically about how we want God to fix things or by manipulating situations with guilt and balanced favors?

Am I the only one?

Honestly, theres this one thing Ive been praying about for a long time and I just know there must be something going on..but I cant see anything changing so it freaks me out and I start thinking I just need to pray more or DO something.....but the truth is I need to DO less and simply wait...with expectancy.