Currently Reading Invisible Monsters By Chuck Palahniuk see related

That's sexual.

You try to persuade and now.. It's my turn.  I want everyone's opinions.

I want you all to know that I highly value your thoughts and opinions but I want them to be backed up with compete thoughts and facts, or I will disregard them for my own opinions and the paper I'm writing.

I am writing a persuasive essay about why women and their bodies should not be depicted in a strictly sexual way in movies/television/music/any other form of entertainment and also the public in general.

My argument:

     I want to know why:

          Why is it that you can see someone be decapitated and exposed to extreme acts of violence on television - PG13 (When everyone knows most parents don't monitor what their children watch - especially teenagers.) - but you can't see a woman's body on television?  Why can a man be seen without his shirt and not become a sexual object but a woman could be showing a moderate amount of skin - less in comparison to the amount the man is showing - and it's depicted as being sexual?

          Why is nudity automatically related to sex?  Everytime you're naked, is it a sexual experience?  If it is, you must have some amazing showers or clothe yourselves while showering... Weird.  It seems like it's mainly the American culture that depicts nudity this way.  In European magazines, television, and movies, nudity is just that: nudity.  It's the natural human form..

           And the age old question.. When it comes to sexuality, why can a man have twenty sexual partners and no one bats an eye.. But a woman can have ten, or even less, and she's a slut? 

Do people who think this way honestly develop their own opinions or does their culture shape the way they think?  Are you sheep?

I personally believe that no one should be depicted in any way.  If a girl wants to have sex with a million people, okay.. The world's population might go up if she isn't careful.. I'm not going to be that girl - it's not for me.  But.. if a guy wants to have sex with a million people, I think the same affect happens.. The world's population might go up if they aren't careful.
If a model or actress/actor have to be nude in a photograph/television show/movie, and they are comfortable and mature about it, okay.  If it's porn, of course it is going to be depicted in a sexual manner.  But art is different.
David by Michaelangelo is a completely nude sculpture of an ethereal man.  Michaelangelo's perception of perfect.  Just a nude man standing.  Not sexual.  Not arousing.
The Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli is a nude woman.. She isn't fully exposed but none the less, naked.  Is it sexual?  No.  Not to me.  Not to the guys in my art class who have seen it many times now.  Not to art critics.
     And some may argue that some people may find this art arousing.  Okay, I get that.  I don't see why they would.  But I also don't see why pedophiles do what they do.  There just isn't explaining some things, is there?

As can be expected, I know many people's religious views are going to come into play on this matter.  Some points to think about:

Adam and Eve were nude until sin happened... Then became clothed.  Why?
We were born nude.  I'm sure if nudity were such a cardinal sin, we'd be born clothed.

     An issue I've been thinking about latey - slightly off topic but relates to sin.  I'm so tired of seeing all of these stupid protestors at movies like Harry Potter and The DaVinci Code - they're FICTION, people.  Not real.  Fake.  Not an abonishment to God.  Get.  Over.  It. 
And protesting about people being gay, getting abortions, and whatever else it is these people bitch about. 
Why aren't there protestors for self-induced fat people? [Meaning the ones that do have the capability to have control, just don't take it.]  Gluttony and sloth.  Two of the Seven. 
Why not jealousy?  One of the Seven.  I think every high school in America would have a million protestors at it.. Teenage girls, man.  Vicious.  
Why not pride?  How many makeup stores and self-enhancement stores/centers are there?  Why not protest that?!  "Self-improvement is masturbation.  Now self-mutilation..."
My point.. We all sin.. If you're going to protest one, protest them all.  We have no right to do so and at that, we especially have no right to be picky.

That is not Christian. 

Some people ask me "Gee, Sara, why aren't you a Christian?"  I'm sorry.. Did I not write it on my forehead like you do every morning?  To me, Christianity is not a fashion statement.  It is not a venue.  To me, it's a spirituality.  It's a belief I have inside of me.  Not because someone has convinced me to believe it.  At one point, I didn't think I believed in God.  Things changed.  LIFE convinced me.  No one else.  "Gee, Sara, why don't you read the Bible?"  Lets just say I learn things the hard way.. My way.  I am going to live my life and learn the things God wants me to learn on my own.  Don't agree?  I can't say that I care.

Back to the point.

Women's image portrayal in the media.  This is a biggie.  Why is it only specific factors make someone beautiful?  Why does a woman have to have huge boobs, a flat stomach, tanned skin and a "great" ass in order to be pretty?  Why does her hair have to be 'just so' to be noticed?   I know some guys will argue this and say "But guys are portrayed the same way!  They have to be buff in order to be attractive."  Not true.  Maybe to the mongoloid girls who hang out in Abercrombie and Fitch all day but honestly, why do you want those girls?  Because they have big boobs and a great ass?  Vicious cycle, isn't it? 
To me, I don't have a specific on what makes a guy sexy.  Sexy isn't clothes.  Sexy isn't your face, your body, your stupid hair.  Sexy is personality and attitude.  So, once you leave the 7th grade mindset, maybe your idea of sexy will mature and develop to stray away from what Abercrombie and Fitch tells you what sexy is.

Once again, I want your opinions but BACK THEM UP with intelligent thoughts, please.  I won't be offended and I don't want to hear any complaining about someone being offended.  I want to learn what others think on this matter so that I can possibly further develop my own.

Thank you guys.

- Sara

Currently Watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest By Jack Nicholson, Louise Fletcher, William Redfield, Michael Berryman, Peter Brocco, Dean R. Brooks, Alonzo Brown, Scatman Crothers, Mwako Cumbuka, Danny DeVito, William Duell, Josip Elic, Lan Fendors, Nathan George, Ken Kenny (II), Mel Lambert, Sydney Lassick, Kay Lee, Christopher Lloyd, Dwight Marfield see related

A Letter.

To you.

     I tore off my skin the other day. Did you notice? I've not eaten for months so the flesh just peeled right off. Am I beautiful yet? I know I should tan.. I'd gladly welcome the cancer right into my heart just so.. Beautiful.

     I've lost all the color from my eyes now. And you said this feels like redemption.

     I've slept with 90f the men I know now. [Sarcasm.]  Am I exciting to you yet? Am I experienced enough yet? Am I hardcore and what everyone wishes they had? Oh wait.. They already have. Just a few more no name faces.. Maybe I should burn a few holes in my brain too.. That's what real living is.

     I tried to tell you the other day.. Shes bleeding inside. She's been bled out. She's been bled out. I could never hurt you like that.

Rebel: To resist or rise against some authority, control, or tradition.

Walking self-contradiction. You're so different because you go against the system. You yourself are systematic, no matter what you do. Rebel against the rebelling, you're only conforming. Conform with the comformists, you become a sheep. But to conform to the rebellion completely defeats the purpose. What are you trying to prove?

Punk: A style or movement characterized by the adoption of aggressively unconventional and often bizarre or shocking clothing, hairstyles, makeup, etc., and the defiance of social norms of behavior, usually associated with punk rock musicians and fans.

So by living your life through a lyric, does that make you totally "punk rock?" Because you can quote one song by The Sex Pistols or The Casulaties, are you now the founder of anarchy? Wrap your "life style" around one that has already been done and call yourself original? I have a word for that but it is not original. It's called poseur.

Poseur: One who affects a particular attribute, attitude, or identity to impress or influence others.

In short, you're not original, its all been done before, be your own role model. Be your own idol. Live your own life. Just because Sid or Jim [Morrison] did it, doesn't mean you should too. It would only prove that they did it better.

Perfect: Entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings.

What comes to mind when you think of perfection? A perfect smile, perfect body, perfect clothing? All of these things are completely material. We, as humans, are material beings. We can be recreated and remolded to become something we were not intended.
     My imperfections (yes, I really want to list them for you all): I'm short. 5'2". I weigh somewhere around 120 lbs. Okay, to a girl of "perfect" height, 120 lbs would be fantastic. At 5'2", 120 lbs doesn't have very many places to go. It's the difference of looking at a slinky completely put together, its short and "fat," as opposed to a slinky stretched out; long and skinny.
     For some un-Godly reason, I've had bad skin ever since graduation. It is getting better, thank goodness, but also something to be insecure about, seeing as how everyone who is anyone has "perfect," unmarred skin. I'm pale, too. So being pale just makes you that much more unattractive, right? Jessica Simpson has a tan. Jessica Simpson also has a total of three brain cells. Do with that what you will.
     Once again, about the weight. It's actually not so much about the weight, it's the muscle tone. Ever since previous knee and back injuries, exercise has been limited. Once again with the conforming thing, the doctors say not to run, go up or down stairs, lift anything over 10 or 15 lbs., do sit ups (F.Y.I., I have spina bifida and a bulging disc in my spine. Very last vertibrae. So, as you can imagine, putting pressure as you would doing an old-fashioned sit up, on that particular spot is a little painful.  Not complaining, it is only pain.  Just a materialistic thing.), or any other stupid, yet crucial, exercises one could do to keep in shape. I've found a way around a few. Then there's that lazy bit but I'm over that. Now it's time and energy. Trying to fix that too.. Get to the good part: getting back in shape. In the mean while, just so you know, I'm not satisified or happy with the exterior part of me. I know it isn't "perfect" and I couldn't give a shit about what your fucked up perception of perfect is. I want you, who ever you may be, to quit destroying my interior because, as you should know, if you do know me, I am the perfect Sara Penn. No one does it better than I do. Don't mess with that. You lose me, you lose yourself.

Personality wise, I'm shy. Consider yourself damn good if you get me to be out spoken when first meeting me. Also, I have these things called morals. To some, that's a great thing. To others, that's a bit boring. I mean, who has morals these days? Nothing is taboo so why care? Why not live life to the very fullest and completely numb out of your being?  I know some of my friends here do these things and if it offends you, I honestly hope it does. You doing drugs does not impress me, it lowers my opinion of you. To live life through a pill is not living to me. I have yet to be under the influence of any substance and while that may seem boring or sheltered, I consider that to be the most raw thing you can do. You're dealing with life as it comes, not putting things off until you come down. When I feel pain, I want to feel it so much that I'll remember it forever. When I'm having the best night of my life, [March 16, 2006.] I want to record each moment in my mind for all eternity. You can't do that while you're on codine or your damn xanax bars. You're so cool.. Maybe you'll overdose and die next time. Fun, right? I can't wait.
Along with my no drugs policy, I have this no love without your heart thing going on. What I mean is I can't have sex at random. If thats what you do in your free time, not my business. I don't care, it doesn't involve me. One of my worst fears is getting an STD or pregnant. So if that makes me boring to you, I don't apologize for calling you fucking stupid. In the words of Whitney Houston, "Kiss my ass!"

Currently Listening First Impressions of Earth You Only Live Once see related

Shut me up.

I've learned my lesson.

You're never prepared to fail. But what about just accepting your "losses" and moving on? New concept for some, not for me. Perhaps I'm exceptional at adjusting to change, I rarely look back. Conditioning. Before I continue, I owe a few people a little dedication.

I'm so glad that you don't walk away.. though I'm here.
How many more months? I've never had so much fun. Its okay to be easily amused. September.. One more month. One.
Ich warte heir. Stirb nicht vor mir.

But I've always been true to myself.
One of my friends has taught me so much. To stand up for myself. To be a bitch - and by being a bitch, that means demanding respect and stopping at nothing to get it. That its completely okay to get a little self-absorbed sometimes, as long as you're not hurting anyone by doing so. Something else she's taught me, birthdays are the most important days of the year. I've never had a special birthday and I would never ask someone to make my day special but from now on, my birthdays are going to be amazing. And just for the record, I didn't have a good one. Wonder why.


This song is not for you - only for people living like we do, and not for the true.
The other half of me. Somewhere between molesting giant copper penguins and rocking out to music everyone else hates, there is that one person that was brought back by the fate of God to be my best friend. What has he taught me? When you're always yourself and completely real with everyone, you'll never have any of that extra drama that comes from back stabbing and such. Something a few certain people should have learned a long time ago. Believe. 'Getoutmuhbusiness!'


Oh, isn't this exactly where you'd like me? I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know. Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety... I'm afraid that I..Well, I may have faked it and I wouldn't be caught dead in this place.
The things I do to prove myself wrong. Ignore my instincts and give a benefit of a doubt where it is not deserved.. Not anymore. Yeah so I'm not a 'I shop only at Abercrombie, I'll only watch happy, upbeat movies and listen to Jessica Simpson until my ears bleed' type of girl. Does that make me goth? No. Does that make me a slut? No. Does that mean you can treat me like one? Definately not. Yeah, I'm young but that doesn't mean that I don't have the ability to be a good human being and treat others with the respect I would like to be shown. You get what you give. I gave what I recieved. Remeber this and next time, put some thought, if you have it in you, to how you treat people. I'm afraid that I.. faked it. Time to join the rest of the adult world, sweetheart. You're due.  I deserve much better than you.


You call me a beauty. You call me a beast. It's nobody's business what I do or please... You make me mad and you make me blue. You're looking like I do. You know I can see you.
I am such a bad person. All of these bad things I do. I can only look up to such perfection and purity. I will never amount to the greatness of those such as yourself. I swear, you must've made a list of things I've done wrong through out the four years you've know me.. And yet, four years is long enough to make a life judgement on me. And I'm not complaining.. Just making a statement. Oh and that first bit, sarcasm. And for the record, I've made some awesome decisions in my lifetime. Decisions I am very proud of. I am being who I want to be. Not a list of things everyone says I should be. God made me this way for a reason.. Who I am to tell Him that He's wrong? Sticking feathers up your butt does NOT make you a chicken.

Once again, never look back.  I'm taking the things I've learned and I'm moving on with my life.  Feel used?  I sure hope so.


.................................................................................................................


Last night, I found something I wrote about two years ago in a notebook...I thought it was mildly interesting. Here goes.

Currently Listening Living in America By The Sounds Hope You're Happy Now see related

If you think I look mad today...

"Sara, is there a reason you're not walking straight?"
"...No, just don't care to."
Genius.

Ah, what the hell. While everyone rubs in their blessings and bitches about what they don't have, I'll give you the apathetic view.

My wins:

I finally left Quinton. How does it feel? I'm still bored. Just not as often. I enjoy the silence and invisibility. I think its odd that I've seen two people from Quinton here so far. Do I think they're catching up? No. Should I be paranoid? Very much so.
I've met a few people. Okay so no one I didn't already know, I just know them in a different light now. Two in particular. Things I like: dancing to Elvis music. Oh yeah. Fun. Watching little kid movies and loving every minute of it. Things I don't: Disagreeing with me that Angelina Jolie is perfect. She is, people. She is. Right up there with Dita [Von Teese, morons.] Misunderstandings and judgements. But thats about it, to be honest.

Halfways:

Almost. Yup.. Almost. I was just wondering, how does it feel to be that low? No, no, really. Congratulations! I've never been embarrassed before but that did it. Sad part: I wasn't embarrassed for me. I was embarrassed for you. Quite painful, actually. [If you can do this, so can I. Only difference is I do it better. Oh, by the way, we're not impressed.]
Epiphany. Not so much. Sorry grandma, no dice. Onward struggle.
Health. All I can do is laugh at that now. Haha.. Nobody freak out, my ovaries are fine, I'm not pregnant and I don't have any gross STD's. No more trips to the "half-assed ER." [Only those of you who know would find this funny. Or maybe its just me. Either way, I'm amused.]
Money. Bah. If money had an ass, it would get raped. I mean...uhm.. I don't know how to cover that one up. You understand, though. All I have to say is eff my pending state. It'll pass, though. Maybe I should paint and sell, eh? -shrugs-
Happiness. I'll have that if it kills you. Not me, you. Not only happiness but peace of mind. Since when was it my job to make sure you're happy? I'm not getting paid for it so I think I'm done. [My form of prostitution.] Do you honestly think I care if you're upset that I didn't call you back? Unless you have a really nice Tacori ring for me, I owe you nothing. Unless of course, I want to. Sweetheart, I'm an adult now. I can go to jail. I can buy cigarettes. I can also decide for myself and I've decided you're out.
Learning to be a bitch. Halfway there. But I still have that heart thing.. Sometimes it gets in the way but I consider that a good thing. I still understand that using your friends is wrong, just using anyone is wrong, always match your skivvies, and martyrs still bug me. (As previously stated, if anything I say offends you, theres a reason for it. Don't point the finger at me, sweetheart.) Don't like it? Don't care. You can go live your life elsewhere. Just don't interfere with mine. Kthanks.

Losses:

Sanity. Out the window. Notice the quote above. I don't even know. That went on upstairs - not with anyone else. I thought it was funny. Maybe, maybe not.
Career. No, I didn't lose my ambition. I've lost because of it. Sacrifice would be a better title but I don't care to change it. I've chosen to lose a few things; relationships, so-called friends, other ambitions. You will see my face everywhere, you will know my name for the rest of your life.. And you'll love it. Love it or love to hate it. I honestly don't care.
"You are the worst pirate I've ever heard of."
"But you have heard of me."
Its like that.
"Friends." All I can say is that the previously spoken of 'hardships' definately showed me who my real friends are - some I knew wouldn't last. Can't expect a foundation made of bullshit to hold anything up.

Hope you're happy now, but I'm not giving in.
I hope you're satisfied with your bullshit and your lies.
Hope you're happy now, but I'm not giving up.
I hope you're satisfied, fuck you and fuck your lies.

Currently Listening Dying to Say This to You By The Sounds Song With A Mission see related

Without me, you're nothing at all.

With empty words, our worlds collide...

     It all seemed perfect but there are moments when I feel nothing at all.

These last few weeks have been..indescribable.  I've learned so many things about myself, others and life in general. 

Here goes:
The simple things I've learned;
I have found my favorite food and restaurant: Japanese/Sushi.  Asahi.  Amazing food.  I loved it. 
My music taste has expanded.  Some say upgrade or downgrade.  I say it makes me happy.
When you step outside your regulated box, you realize that you have yet to appreciate real beauty.  I'm only talking about shopping here.  I went shopping with Gabe this weekend and my usual stores are Frederick's of Hollywood, that Vintage shop, Hot Topic, Pac Sun, Charlotte Russe, Spencer's and Fast Forward.  Because of him, we went into Hollister.  I can actually appreciate clothing from Hollister.  We went into Express.  I dug Express.  There are so many things that I snob off because I think they would snob me off but damn.. I'm going into Hollister more often!  Have you seen their sales guys?  Hollister is a new favorite for me.  Yeeeaaahhh booooyyyy.  Haha.

The more important things;
I've come to find that a lot of my friendships have been a little one-sided.  You only want to talk to me or be around me if it benefits you.  If you need me.  Ahw, that person broke your heart?  I don't care.  Can't break something you don't have, sweetie.  Ahw, that person fucked you over AGAIN?!  Didn't see that coming.. Gee.   Ahw, you're happy now.. So theres no use for me anymore.. What if I'm having a hard time?  Would you even notice?  No.  But don't worry.. I can handle it - much unlike yourself.
I'm not easily impressed.  I don't care about how big your muscles are, used to be or will be.  I don't care that you're in a band - a local or national.  I don't care if you think you can treat me better than the last.. Does it really matter?  I don't care if you think you are the greatest gift to women ever placed on this Earth.  So you've had a lot of girls throw themselves at you.  Heres your gold star.  You know where to stick it.
We're all scene little posers.  I don't care what you say - its true.  I don't even think I need to waste time arguing my point.  You got it.
Faith.  I've really grown tired of hearing the self-pitying emos saying "I don't believe in God.  God hates me.  God lets bad things happen.  Blah blah blah."  You don't believe in God, you don't have to.  But if you're doing it because you honestly think God is mean to you, I'm sorry you're so pathetic.  What a lot of people don't realize about such huge tragedies, such as the wars or the destruction of the World Trade Center is that God doesn't make bad things happen.  Satan has been here this whole entire time, too.  Its like being in a fight.  It doesn't matter if you're in the right or not, sometimes the other person gets some good hits in as well.  With out evil, there can't be good. 

• It is so immature to expect things to come easily and be perfect all the time.  "Its too hard."  Pathetic.  Maybe I just expect too much from myself, my life and especially too much out of others.  Maybe its beyond me to expect people to think for themselves, to take responsibility for themselves and to realize that its not about what happens to you in life, its what you do with it.  Who cares if you lost everything because you failed to take care of it?  Does that house make you who you are?  I hope not.  So what if your ex boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you?  It happens to all of us!  Did you learn something?  If not, its going to happen again, I can assure you of that.  It'll happen to me again too.. I'll learn someday!  I especially do not care or have any compassion for anyone who caused their own problems that resulted in them getting hurt.  Oh, you got drunk and drove and nearly killed yourself?  Wow.. You are an idiot.  Good for you.  The one that really gets me is when people add to their story to make it just that much more vivid to get more sympathy.  That would be like me telling the story about breaking my knee cap.  Instead of telling the truth:  I was in cheerleading (Yes, cheerleading.  Shush.) practice, doing a front walk-over and twisted my knee and it broke; I would tell the more exciting version:  So I was walking down the streets of Compton and out of nowhere, BAM!  This guy took a sledge hammer to my knee cap!  And it broke!  Are these stories related in any way besides the end result?  No.  I can guarantee if someone believed the latter story, I'd get so much more sympathy - but I don't need it.  I pity those who do.
  
• One last bit.. Had a conversation with two amazing people - they know who they are - about being compared or pitted against someone else.  It amazes me that someone would even want to compare me to someone else.  A few select people is understandable.  Erica and I - a lot alike.  We know this.  But.. to compare me to someone that is nothing like me and who just tries to be a lesser version of me.. Not cool.  One of my friends told me I should feel sorry for those people who try to be me because they obviously don't know who they are and they wouldn't even know how to be themselves without someone else doing it for them.  So yes, I do pity you.  I can safely say I'll never know what its like to be as pathetic as you are.  Sympathy.  What you've always wanted.

It was my ego telling you why..
     I never thought I'd say this to you.