What is one to do when God seems so far away... Does God really exist?  Why does so often God's existence depend on our feelings? How do we know he exists? How can we say that just because we can't explain something that there must be something beyond us. And who are we to say that God as we know him is the one who created it all... thousands of other creation stories exist... why is ours right?

Are we meant to live like this... to pour our lives into something as fickle as our feelings... Spirituality is found in so many places, how is it that we claim as Christians that we have all the answers.... The Bible one might say? a collection of writings 2-3 thousand years old... Should our lives be spent in trying to figure out book written by humankind's old hands... Every other religion claims to have a revelation from God... why are we so special....

Jesus? born of a virgin? it takes faith is what is said why should we trust? so that can have good feelings again? to feel good about throwing our lives into something as hollow as relgion? a relationship with Christ is what Christians seek... its about a relationship not religion... what is to be gained by our relationship with God? we're built to crave acceptance right?... where is it? in the "happy" feeling we get when we exit a christian concert... a fair wager would be that the Hari-Krishnas experience the same feeling of emotional high after their vigorous dance...

Let me know what you think??? Where is God when you doubt??? How do you get over these questions?

Joel

I apologize to all you faithful Xangers (correct term?) out there but it's been one of those months where you just don't have enough time to do those things that you really want to... time management I know but I'm working on it. (Not that posting a Xanga is a goal in life but I still want to keep everyone updated)

I spent an amazing week (although markedly less beautiful because of the absense of Shannon) on Sanibel Island in Florida... complements of Bucky Kauffman and his family. Spring Break was a blast and coming back wasn't too bad till school started again on Tuesday. I don't mind classes but teachers just loaded on the work and I got sick... tiredness crept in but God is soooo good.

I'm so blessed to have the friends that I do. People praying for me here, CT and even Austria as I heard from one of my friends in Vienna... what a blessing.

I spent last weekend in Chicago with some fun people and greatly enjoyed singing "come what may" at the top of my lungs with Scott at a gas station somewhere in Illinois. what a blast.

I'm missing my family guys... I'm not usually one to qoute songs but this one will make it today... "you don't know what you've got till it's gone" the song is pave paradise but that line really applys right now as I'm missing the hugs and antics of my little siblings and the advice of my parents. Well I suppose they'll be plenty of time to catchup this summer... which is already catching up to me... well it's class time so I must got but love to all... God Bless

I just put new pics online from Chicago and Sanibel Island, FL

http://community.webshots.com/user/christopherjoel14

love,

Joel

Well today is filled with happiness even though it's cold outside theirs a warmth in my heart because of what God's doing in my life...  an amazing girl named Shannon. She's such a joy to be around and I'm a better person for having known her. I'm so grateful that God has chosen for us to be together for this time.

I'm missing my family like crazy today. I'm looking at the pictures on my wall and remembering the pictures from vacations and looking forward to this summer when we'll be together again. Hopefully we'll be seeing them over Easter break but who knows. I'm glad however that God has chosen to bring me to this place "for such as a time as this" Esther 4:14. Praise God for who he is and what he's going to do.

love you all (especially a shoutout to the fat little blonde linebacker brothers... miss you guys a lot)

Joel