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| I love to dance. I love to teach. I love life!So I want to toot my own horn a little bit.
Tonight I taught an entire 45 minute barre at my home dance studio. It all started when I was having lunch with my former teacher, Christi. We were talking about ocu, and the dance department. I happened to mention how much I have just fallen in love with ballet since I have been at OCU. I have always appreciated it(well as long as I have been dancing, so about 5-6 years). There was just something about the professionalism and having class every day that really got me interested. Now, I know that I'm not a the highest level, but that doesn't matter. I know how to work in class. I know why we do everything that we do, and I love to work hard. That made me feel that I could give a barre. So back to Christi... I was telling her about my new found love for ballet, and that I would love to share it with her students. I wanted them to be as excited about it as I was. So, she decided to let me do barre every ballet class from now until I move back to school.
I just feel like I deserve a pat on the back right now. I was in there teaching like a pro. It makes me feel so good.
loves, y'all!
-wheeley- | | |
| Please, continue voting. You all are great!
Everything I have learned in the past few months I have learned by removing myself from one huge part of my life. While it was hard being away from school, being away from my friends was the hardest thing that I have ever been through. Forget about the transplant. That was just a temporary thing that my body went through. It was not seeing my friends that was hard. I know that I was tested for a reason. After going through this experience I have learned to love more and respect myself more. I actually thank God for my transplant. I thank him for revealing himself to me. It is the most fulfilling feeling that I have ever experienced.
I know that you can't have a real relationship of any kind if both people are not on the same level. Also, I know that in order to have a real, fulfilling, and meaningful relationship of any kind you have to be able talk. I know that we hear that all of the time, but how many people in our lives are we actually comfortable doing that with? I don't really have one. There are parts of me that people have never seen and it is my own fault for not having a close enough friend for that. It is my own self-fulfilling prophecy. I need help getting out of it!!
Here is my problem. I desperately want intimacy right now. I am not talking physical intimacy. I need real friendships where I feel as much security, and enjoy it as much as the other person. I want to be able to have candid conversations, and I want to have someone who I can tell everything to over and over again. I need someone WHO IS GOING TO BE A FRIEND RIGHT BACK. The problem is that I'm not ready to take any risks. I don't want to ever run the risk of loosing a friend. I ask myself what would happen if I just asked for what I want? I can't answer that question. It scares me, so I don't. I know that a true friend will stick with me through a lot, but I don't have enough self esteem to believe that I actually have friends like that. So I have a hard time putting myself out there. Its a pitiful problem, but I deserve respect for recognizing it and making changes! And just saying that is a huge step.
I am actually scared that I am going to wake up one day and realize that every relationship, every friendship I had was superficial, and meaningless. I don't want that to happen. For me, the thought of that happening is scarier than a life alone.
Let me end this entry by saying that I am very happy with everything in my life right now. Don't think that I am complaining about my friends. I hope that we all know that I would never do that, and when I tell you I love you, I MEAN IT. These are just ideas running through my head right now.
-Wheeley | | |
| EVERYBODY, PLEASE HELP ME!!!
I need everyone to go vote for the commercial that I made for a contest. The website is: http://www.989therock.com/on-air/realitymarketing/index.html
My video is #291. Please go vote for it. I will love you forever!!!
You can vote once a day! | | |
| The count down to my grand return has begun!
I have been down to okc again, and this time it was to move in to my apartment. It is going to be so homey. I know that I'm going to love it. I also know that I am ready to move out of my home again. I feel a need to be out on my own. However I also feel a huge feeling of guilt being in Oklahoma City visiting school. I know it's rediculous, but if you feel like telling me that, feel free to comment. =)
Ever since the transplant I have had this feeling that everything seems easier. I am so tired of being timid and, in the words of Roy, being in my own way. So now, fuck that! I feel like i am going to get so much work done now in school. I am going to get so much better, and my performing is going to completely change. Change is good; as long as it is for the better, and it totally is. 
Now I try to make it very clear to everybody, but my friends are very important to me. I love all of my friends, and I feel luck to have many. However, eventhough i do place a lot of importance on them, I need to not forget about myself. I can't believe how much I was letting people walk over me. So, for now on if someone upsets me, I am going to be an adult, and let them know. That does not mean DRAMA! I am good at keeping my life relatively drama-free. I plan on keeping it that way.
Take it easy everybody! | | |
| Hi folks!
Well this boy has been busy! I have been back to OCU 3 times since day 100. It has been absolutely amazing. I love seeing everybody. Just like my new header says, I have learned to get out of my own damn way. I had a great chat with Roy about that. He is an amazing person, and an even better friend. Its just so much easier to be myself now. I love it! hmm kind of random paragraph...
Yeah, so its great being down there again. I even went on a date! It was the cutest. I seriously had a great time. I am looking forward to the next!
So I went to go see me and Suzi's apartment earlier this week. Let me just say that we are going to have the cutest apartment. I am going to love living with Suzi. We are going to have a blast. And, this summer is our summer of baseball! We are going to follow the Cards and the Royals. OMG. so much fun!
Good news! Worlds of Fun is opening a new ride this year. It is going to be the tallest inverted roller coaster in the Midwest! Isn't that great? I can not wait to bring some friends up to go there. I hope that me and Nick and Suzi can find a weekend to do that.
Loves! | | |
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