ChuckNorris420's Xanga

Monday, May 08, 2006

Mon, 08 May 2006 12:17:33 GMT

Hello again my friends. It seems the wrong-doer has apologized. I think you have all learned a very valueable lesson. The Good Chuck giveth and the Good Chuck can taketh away. Do NOT mess with me! I thought it was high time I explain another one of these "facts" about myself. There are rumors that I shed my skin twice a year. This rumore is very true. What happens to this skin you might ask. The FBI is currently using the sheddings for bullet proof vests!

I would like to thank my steady followers for all your support. A special thanks goes out to a teacher named Mrs. Ruane. You shall never fear the wrath of the round house kick Mrs. Ruane!

~Chuck Norris~

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 00:23:07 GMT

It seems that some people are trying to tell me, Chuck Norris, when to update this xanga. Because of those few, you all must suffer. To show that you have no power over me I will not update tonight, nor will I update tomorrow night. In fact, there will be no more updates until those deserving of such a priveledge come forward in comments and beg me to give them glimpses into my life! I also expect an apology from the very person who demanded an update from me, this JD19purple. Apologize, and beg for forgiveness or a roundhouse kick will soon be in your future!

I am very sorry to those of you who do not deserve such punishment. With your comments will come the hope of new entries!

~Chuck Norris~

Friday, March 10, 2006

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 18:52:14 GMT

HAPPY 66th BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!

- Did you know there are tornado warnings on Chuck Norris's birthday? Because whenever Chuck Norris blows out the candles on his cake he created tornados!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 01:07:28 GMT

There have been several so-called facts published about me. I have already verified the sex rumors. Now, I have decided to branch out and verify all the rumors. little by little, one by one, the truth shall be heard. You see my followers, not all the things you have heard about me are true. I will give you an example. I can only give you the information little by little, for if i were to tell you all the wonders of myself at one time, your minds would be so amazed they would most likely explode! I never kill by explosions. Only by roundhouse kicks! Now, here is your first piece of information:

I have heard some say that the grass is always greener on the other side, unless I am on the other side, in which case it is red (from blood). This is not true. I make the grass red on BOTH sides!

yes, hard to believe, i know. But true. Remember, respect the roundhouse kick!

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 20:22:12 GMT

Hi there, Chuck Norris here i recently had a weird encounter the other day. I noticed that nothing is as hung as i am. That makes me feel very proud. To have my hungness be used as a comparison to elephants and dinosaurs makes me very proud to be Chuck Norris. Now if your wondering how hung i really am, just imagine the most hungable hungness possible and multiply that by 3.8 and thats how hung i am. Also i am very angry with the lack of comments that my xanga has been getting lately we need to talk people or else roundhouse kicks will have to be enforced on your face.

Also i wrote a song here it is:

"Since U Been Roundhouse Kicked"

Here?s the thing, we started out friends
It was cool, but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah, since you been roundhoused kicked

Your dedicated, you took the time
Wasn?t long till I called you mine
Yeah yeah, since you been roundhouse kicked

An all you ever hear me say
Is how I picture my foot in your face

That?s all you ever hear me say

But since you been roundhouse kicked

I can breathe for the first time
I?m so moving on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you,
now I get
what I want
Since you been roundhouse kicked
How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid beard song

Yeah yeah, since you been roundhouse kicked
How come I?d never hear you say
I just wanna be with be with you
Guess you never felt that way

But since you been roundhouse kicked

I can breathe for the first time
I?m so moving on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you,
now I get
I get what I want
Since you been roundhouse kicked
You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of chest hair

Shut your mouth I just can?t take it
Again,
and again
and again
an again

Since you been roundhouse kicked
I can breathe for the first time
I?m so moving on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you,
now I get
I get what I want

I can breathe for the first time
I?m so moving on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you,
now I get
I get what I want

Since you been roundhouse kicked
Since you been roundhouse kicked

Since you been roundhouse kicked

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 18:54:41 GMT

Recently I have heard several rumors pertaining to my sex life. Some say I use a live rattle snake tail for a condom. Others say I can impregnate a woman from a hundred feet away. Still others say I am still a virgin for there is no one worthy of having sex with me, except for myself. You are probably thinking these all contradict one another and are wondering which one is actually true. They are all true because I am Chuck Norris, and I make all things possible!

Thank you again for your support.

~Chuck Norris~

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 16:17:51 GMT

Hello all you chucknorrisists out there it has come to my attention that i am the MAN. For instance today i went to the grocery store and i didnt pay for my food, i simply went in and got food and walked out and no one said anything. You know why, because i am Chuck Norris and i make my own rules. Like i said i am Chuck Norris and i wil tell you what i think of people. Everybody but me is a maggot, thats right a maggot i would roundhouse kick you all before you even get close to me.

Now a picture of me, Chuck Norris....ENJOY

Thats right I AM THE MAN!

~Chuck Norris~

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 18:57:12 GMT

Let me just say WOW, i am overwhelmed by all the support im getting at my xanga site! Thank you all for your comments and im pleased to be your friends. I also encourage you to buy my new book and a total gym. Peace...

~Chuck Norris~

Friday, January 27, 2006

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 21:25:05 GMT

Xanga

I am Chuck Norris!!!

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

Leave comments or i will roundhouse kick U in the face!

~Chuck Norris~