I am in love with Saosin's 'Time After Time' [cover], originally written and sung by Cyndi Lauper. I can't stop playing it! You guys have to listen to the song, it's really GOOD!
Yesterday I stayed after school with Zaiba talking to, one of the most if not the coolest teacher on campus, Mr. Krager. I know I write a lot of blogs about being happy with life and not giving a damn about people's words and actions but unfortunately I do. I learned yesterday that I lie to myself a lot and that it's really hard for me to look past people's flaws and own lies that I start judging others and are more concerned with them than I am concerned about my own self. I'm so angry and bitter towards people who don't mean anything to me that they end up taking my time and my energy. Yet here I am thinking about them and what they do and say. I don't understand it and don't think I ever will but SHIT it's so difficult to not care.
Mr. Krager told me that sometimes you just have to let people hate you to know that people actually care. That's because when you take the time to "hate" someone, you're taking the time to be involved with that person. The things they do and say you remember, just like if your best friend said or did something. At times it's difficult to not acknowledge a person's ignorance or their complacent attitudes but with your acknowledgement you show that you care.
If I could I'd love to be like Mr. Krager because he's so happy and care-free. When I was listening to him yesterday, aside from listening to his words, I was listening to the tone in his voice. He made me feel so angry with my self that I realized that I'm not happy. Yes I am wacky and yes I am a little bit crazy but most of me is so dark and bitter that it consumes my way of living. I'm afraid to get close to someone because I'm afraid to get hurt. I'm afraid of letting anyone know who I really am because I'm afraid that they'll see just how weak I can be. I'm afraid of changing because I'm afraid I'll end up finding the truth about myself. I'm AFRAID to live because I'm afraid to die.
Am I suppose to be bothered by your actions and the little things you do in front of me, should I be frustrated or even give a damn, why do you always want to look into my eyes and tell me something with your stare, why do you even care? It's been so long since we ever mattered to each other. Maybe a few encounters after our "relationship" but they meant nothing. Why do you question my taste and who I associate myself with? Yes, I do know who I hangout with & yes I am happy where I am at right now; so please don't think I miss being around you. You would only be too full of yourself to think so. You've caused me enough trouble and a whole lot of heart-ache. Our past has been filed with too many memories and not one of them I would relive.
You can think I have a boyfriend & you can think whatever else you want about him but don't patronize me with your stares and tell me I shouldn't be hugging him. Last time I checked I can do whatever I want to do with who ever I want to do anything with. The guy you think is my boyfriend is really my bestfriend, so don't think anything else.
I'm so over you and your little games. If I want you I'll have you but not vise versa. I make the rules, the time, the place, not you! So get over yourself, you're not worth it anymore, not even close.
But aside from that life has been good. I'm in love with James Blunt, who I think is just beautiful and an amazing singer/song writter, he is just wonderful! I'm getting his cd tomorrow and I can't wait.
Ohhh and I can't believe it but I got accepted to San Diego State University which is awesome and sucks at the same time. I don't have the money to live there, to pay for the school yeah, but to pay for housing, shit it's expensive! But ohh well, Long Beach will do because every where I applied is also expensive to live in. hey as long as I know I can make it into a school I'm happy. I think an education is the same no matter where you go as long as you're enthusiastic about your achievements and what you learn. And the good thing about it is that I get to stay close to Paramount, haha I know why would I still want to be here, hey its home and it's what I know.
Last night was Winter Formal and it was the Bomb-Diggity ... like hella wooah ! ! ! I had such a great time even though at first I wasn't but it was awesome ...
So it started off with me meeting up Stephanie, who looked B E A U T I F U L by the way, & going into the park. We waited for people to arrive for pictures but in the mean while we had fun hanging out with Freedy, Laura, Ingrid, & Mauricio. Hehehe it was so funny and just so perfect. Then we took our pictures; it was me, Stephanie, Elizabeth, Ingrid, & Mauricio. After the pictures we went back to the party and danced for a while ... Uhhh my feet were killing me. I so wanted to die so I stopped dancing. Then I found Manny who then spent the rest of the night with me. He wanted to take pictures with me which was awesome and we did. But it sucks because he paid for it, I don't like guys paying for me it makes me feel worthless. Hahaha I know its weird but it's true. After the pictures we went on the rides and it was scary as hell ... only beacuse I was wearing a dress. After that we went back to the dance floor & we danced for an hour and a half, which was the rest of the night. Amazingly I had fun & I swear Manny made my night ... he was awesome.
Ok but aside from that I saw very many beutiful people ...
I saw Cindy and Jackie ... they looked gorgeous I saw Saly and his date ... omg Saly looked awesome and his date had on a great dress Shira was fucking hot as hell Griselda was so pretty ... I loved her pink dress & the way it just looked on her
hey as long as I know I can make it into a school I'm happy. I think an education is the same no matter where you go as long as you're enthusiastic about your achievements and what you learn. And the good thing about it is that I get to stay close to Paramount, haha I know why would I still want to be here, hey its home and it's what I know.