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| | De lunes a viernes tienes mi amorI had the most terrifying dream that I've ever recorded in my memory. It was so terrifying that I have to share it.
The first part of my dream started off with me walking down a long
road with a few silent faces, all males. I couldn't recognize them
because I couldn't really see their faces due to a dense fog and the
darkness that surrounded it, but I sensed that they were good friends
of mine. And althought they were silent, I could see them laughing in
my head. I was recalling fond memories I had with them.
Here's
the only good part: I was walking down this wet dreary road when Frank
Sinatra and Clark Gable suddenly appeared behind me. I didn't know why
they were there, but I was too excited to question it. I smiled and ran
up to Mr. Gable and said, "Hey, Clark!," like we were good pals. He
simply gave me a gorgeous shy smile and then kept walking. His walk was
a heavy, fast pace, like he was trying to get away from something, He
was wearing a trench coat and his hair was disheveled. I got the
feeling that he was uneasy or nervous. I turned around to Mr. Sinatra
and I waved back at him, and said, "Hey, Frank! Nice seeing you!" like
we had been good friends for quite some time. He was walking with his
head down and hands in the pockets of his coat.He looked up and flashed
me a quick smile and then quickly lowered his head again. His
appearance was much neater than Clark's and his mood seemed somber. He
even had a hat on..I felt as though I was being escorted somewhere, but
I couldn't see anything ahead of me.
Then my dream flashed over to Amelia's. I don't know why or how I ended
up there, but I was at one of the windows looking at the cars in some
strange parking lot. I didn't recognize the place but it kind of looked
like the funeral home that my aunt's viewing was held at. The outside
of it anyway, though it wasn't a main entrance, just a side door. And
it was now my viewing, not her's. In my dream I think I thought it was
my actual funeral, but it must have been the viewing because it was
much later on in the evening. It wasn't completely dark yet, but the
clouds hung low and rain was on its way.
I don't know when exactly I figured out that I was dead, but I know by
this point that I had had a flashback of a car colliding into the
passengers side of the car I was driving. And I knew the person in the
other car. It was someone I worked with. I called my faceless friends
over to the window to see all of the cars in the parking lot. I was
amazed at how many people had come out to pay their respects to me and
I was deeply touched.I was even pretty excited about it. It hadn't
really hit me yet, I suppose. I scanned the lot to see if I could
recognize any of the cars, but I only recognized a few. I looked for
the car that killed me but I didn't see it. That upset me.
Night fell and just before everyone starting streaming out of the
funeral home it started to pour. Heavy drops of rain fell on the heads
of my loved ones as each made a mad dash for their cars. I searched for
my parents, but didn't spot them. I figured they'd be the last to leave
anyway. It was only right. At this point in my dream, I started getting
upset. I didn't want anyone to leave. I wanted them to mourn for me
longer. I felt disrespected. But I also started to feel alone and left
behind. I looked behind me and my friends were gone. I knew that the
people leaving the funeral home were going to go on with there lives
and my young body laid lifeless in that building. I started to feel the
pain that my parents felt, having to bury their child. Their first
born. I felt as though they thought they had failed me when I had
actually failed them.
The last people I saw leave were my aunt Rhonda and my uncle Ed with my
cousin Danielle between them. My cousin was wearing what looked like a
white easter dress> I wasn't offended by her wearing white to my
viewing. I thought she looked adorable. For some reason she looked like
she was still 5 years old, although she's 13 or 14 now. Probably
because I haven't really seen her for years, so that's one of the last
familiar images I have of her.
Finally,
I saw my parents come out. Next thing I knew I was in the backseat of
their car and we were driving through some unfamiliar town. I looked at
myself in the review mirror and I smiled just to make sure it was me
that I was seeing. A small glimmer of hope came over me because I
reasoned that if I was truly dead I wouldn't have a reflection. I was
Bela Lugosi as Dracula. I was simply playing dead. I checked a few more
times, and my reflection remained. I broke the silence and asked my mom
what happened to me and she replied as if I was still alive. But I was
reading her mind more than I was actually speaking to her, although she
was facing me. She seemed too cool and calm. It didn't fit the mood.
I've never really seen my mom upset, so I suppose I just couldn't
picture it. I mean, I hope she'd show some emotion over losing me, but
I guess you never know. My dad may or may not have been aware of my
presence, I don't remember him speaking in my dream.
My mom explained that I had been driving up my street towards New when
a car came out at me from my right. She said they were speading, but I
could only remember it coming towards me in a slow motion. They hit me
pretty hard. I probably should have died on impact, but I held out
until I arrived at the hospital where I was pronounced dead at 6:30 on
that April evening.
She said when she ran up the street to my car blood was pouring out
from the cracks into street below. Blood was splattered on the driver's
side window. My car was nearly split in half, and my body was mangled.
My face hardly recognizable. While she described the scene to me, a
feeling of complete dispair slowly crept over me and my heart sank. My
thoughts were jumbled and I couldn't grab at them quick enough for them
them make sense if they came out of my mouth.All that came out was No,
and that came out in a dull whisper. Then the feeling intensified, and
I started to scream it over and over again. Tears flooded out of my
eyes. I started thinking of all the things I've left unsaid, and all
the people I treated poorly, all the people that would never know how
much I appreciated them and how grateful I was to have had them in my
life.I thought about everything I haven't done, all the things I could
no longer accomplish. I started wishing I had let my parents know how
much I loved them more often.They were right in front of me, but the
words wouldn't come out, and even if they could, it would be too late.
I wasn't really there. I was dead, and I couldn't fix that. And I
couldn't redeem my sins. My life was a waste. Dispair turned into
anguish.
I started slipping out of my dream state back into reality. Just before
completely waking up I braced myself. I was thinking I was going to
wake up and that I was going to be dead. My dream felt so real, when I
was completely awake my eyes were still closed. I just laid there and I
wouldn't let myself get up. I wanted to sleep to get away from reality.
When I finally found the courage to pick myself up, I looked at my
alarm. It read 12:30. I looked over at my wall and I saw my shadow
crouched down on my bed. I looked as though I was about to pounce on
something. I thought to myself that if I still had a shadow I couldn't
be dead, but I recalled from my dream that I had a reflection and then
my heart sank once more. I looked at my phone and I saw two missed
calls from Brian and that brought me back. I was no longer upset over
my dream. I was upset that I missed his calls and it was too late to
call back. I checked my voicemail and I heard his voice. I played it
two more times just to hear it again and I wished that I could go over
to his house and crawl into bed with him. I wanted to feel protected. I
wanted him to save me.
But that was my dream. My terrifying dream.
| | | Posted 4/20/2006 3:32 AM - 1 comments
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