. In This Town of Halloween .

So here it is. My favourite holiday.

I've spent most of it sleeping, and all of it alone. It's not how I pictured it at all. At least last year, I had someone to do all my nothing with.

Why is Halloween so special to me? I think it has a lot to do with the fact that it's the one time of year you're supposed to be someone else. I feel like I'm someone else everyday, and Halloween is when I take off the mask. It's more than just that though. I've never felt like everyone else. When I was younger, I felt like everyone was growing up all around me and I was the only one staying the same. To this day, I believe there are things out there that require a certain amount of faith. I guess you could say, an unexplainable magic.

I guess Halloween just feels like the only day of year that those strange magics can leak out into the world. Even just a little bit.

I'd like to wish a really happy birthday to two of the most awesome people on Earth:

Frank Iero

Amazing musician & one of the nicest celebrities I've met.

Meghan Mayhem

Another person to look up to for my sober lifestyle & just all around cool.

Happy Birthday =D

. It's Not Your Fault .

I was looking at a picture tonight of people that used to mean the world to me. Well, some still do. It was a good time when they were all together, and they were having so much fun. 

They looked so good together.

But when I looked at the picture, all I could see was things written across the faces looking back at me.

I'm gay.

I'm suffering.

I'm sorry...and a fake.

I still smiled back, sadly. People change, that's nothing I can stop. In fact, most of those changes I try to welcome.

I know the people in that photo might know who they are. I'm sorry.

. Thanks for Acting like you Cared .

Last night I had a dream. I dreamt I called him up to talk and he just acted like he didn't care. Well, it wasn't an act, I guess. He just didn't care. To make matters worse, our mutual friend was laughing in the background, I think.

When I came to school, my life had a plan. Not even a month later it all fell apart.

No apartment in San Antonio. No housewarming gift with whiskers.

Sometimes, I wish the phone would just ring. For anything. A hello.

It's good to know the constant in my life is I'm just not good enough for anybody.

This is a moment of weakness, yes. I'll be fine later, but damn, I deserve to be weak just like everyone else too, right? I feel like I always have to be the one keeping it together.

I thought coming back to school was what I wanted but I'm not happy. It has just served to confuse me more. Do I want to go to college? The short answer is no, not really.

I like the people I've met here. They're good kids, but they can't help me.

I fought really hard to overcome all the feelings that had consumed me when I was still at OLLU, and yet I feel some of them again. It's an isolated feeling that just continues growing. I feel like I'm just running in place. It's not so bad yet. I'm not thinking....those kind of thoughts.

I hope I never go back to that because I don't think I'd make it out alive.

. Whatcha been doin'? .

Wooohooo!

There are 4 days til my 21st Birthday! I'm so excited! It's Sunday! We were gonna have a party here this Friday night, but we postponed til next Friday when everyone can be here, and we can use Bianca's place.

Something went down recently. You know what? I'm over it, and I don't feel the need to talk about it. All I need to say is I don't tolerate liars. I don't need that shit. Not from anyone. So one of my dearest friendships has ended. His loss. Prickface.

I love my friends here at Schreiner. They're such genuine people. I needed this.

. Somebody's Only Light .

Hey-ho all.

Not much is going on around here. I've been sick lately, coughing a lot and sleeping. I'm trying to stay on top of all my classes though, so hopefully I do not fall behind.

Last Saturday night I broke down and dyed my hair again. It's show-stoppingly pink right now. Like Audrey Kitching, Jeffree Star shock! pink. I love it. Courtney helped me dye it, and trim it up a little.

I kind of miss Josh, but maybe not really. It's hard to say.

My birthday is in ten days! Wooo! 21, baby, get it crunk bitch! xD I wanna have a party the Friday night before fall break so everyone can chill out and have fun. During the day, I think I'm going to go into SA and get another ink as my birthday present to myself.

Our fall break is October 8 & 9, which is a Monday and Tuesday. I'm going to go home and see Mom and Andrew. I miss them.

Oh yeah- Frankie on L.A. Ink = ♥! Srsly. He's just adorable.